|
|
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 157
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 157 |
I promised myself I would not call WH this week when he is in city where OW lives (he must go there on business about once a month). I have held that promise since Tuesday a.m. - now I desperately want to call him to ask if he has been spending time with OW. I will be so disappointed if I do. He called me yesterday a.m. and we had a nice conversation. Why must I do this to myself???
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 268
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 268 |
Augh! You can keep your promise, I know you can! Find something fun for yourself to do to keep your mind off it. Rent some movies you always wanted to see, go out with a girlfriend, pick up a project, go to the gym, bubble bath, anything. Don't obsess!
(Btw, I'm sorry you are going through this)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 5,798
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 5,798 |
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> want to call him to ask if he has been spending time with OW </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Look at it this way, there isn't much point of asking this question over the phone. You can't see his eyes or his expression.
If he says no...will you believe him?
If he says yes...well, would he say yes while he's still gone? If he would and does say yes, you'd be a wreck until he gets home. And, you'd probably still doubt he was telling you the whole truth.
There is no good aspect to calling and asking.
Like Cyllanlisa says, keep busy!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 157
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 157 |
C & Lor,
Thanks for the fast reply. I have 3 small children - almost 3 yo twins and a 6 yo so I can go anywhere. The twins are acting like almost 3 yo twins tonight - while I was writing that first note, they were emptying the ice maker in the kitchen and dumping glasses on water on the floor. Guess I might not have to mop this week by the time I sop up the water. They were laughing as each ice cub and glass of water dropped to floor so I knew they were okay. Now they are playing in their room because Mom needed a break after they both peed on carpet after bath. Just one of those night with twins and a WH who is probably enjoying himself immensely right now with OW. Or maybe not. Anyhow, I'll get the boys in bed, mop up the river in my kitchen, light some candles and try to relax...
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 268
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 268 |
My brother has a 4 yo and twins that just turned 2. He calls them Gavin and the animals! Even with my 2 I feel your frustration, believe me. It is overwhelming without your marriage stress added on to it.
Soft music, candles, bubble bath (or not), glass of wine maybe? good book? Whatever it is, something NICE for you! Internet shopping?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,823
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,823 |
Yep hon, you don't need to call him, you don't want to ask a question you aren't ready to hear the answer too, ya know? Would you be able not to LB if he was with her? Probably not.
Think of it this way, you can't do anything to stop it, so worrying about it is a moot point. It's not productive, I know it's easier said than done, but it does get easier with practice....I can tell you that. I was going ballistic all the time for the first few months, and I had to ask, "How's that working for ya?" ....it wasn't. If a behavior is NOT working, then it's pointless to do, you need to try it from a new angle. Like by not calling him, he called you.....he was probably wondering "Why isn't she calling me?". Gotta keep 'em guessing.
-Caren
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 157
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 157 |
I did not call! Feels good to keep those self promises. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Thanks everyone!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,087
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,087 |
Hey VSN! Good for you!!! When you have the urge to call, just hop on-line and talk with one of us! I'm glad you stuck to your guns on this one!
Semper Fi,
RIF
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 82
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 82 |
Hi VSN, congratulations on a job well done <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> !!! I'm in the same shoes right now and you better believe that I won't call him. The kids called him about 3 weeks ago and that was the last time I talked to him. If he wants something, he can call us <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ! Be strong! Ravenclaw <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Me 39 WH 34 OW 30 DS10,DD4 married 11 years A startet 12/2003 DDay 6/6/2004 <small>[ February 11, 2005, 08:37 AM: Message edited by: Ravenclaw ]</small>
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 852
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 852 |
Hi VS- Glad to hear you were able to stay firm and not give in to temptation to call him. One thing I found helpful when trying not to contact my WH was following the advice of my pastor who told me to "think of your WH as temporarily insane." So following along that line of advice I tried to think of my WH as a relative or family friend who was not in their right mind- if I called that person would I ask them lots of emotionally loaded questions? NO! I'd be polite and stick to conversation LITE. Take care- LIM
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 157
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 157 |
Hey, RIF and LIM! I made it through another night of not calling - thanks to about 10 Hershey Kisses from my adorable oldest son. I think my WH leaves where OW lives sometime today so he'll probably be back at his apartment tonight. I'm sure I'll see him tomorrow - his kids need to see him and I think he will want to see them. I don't think he'll want to see me if he's stepped it up a notch with OW like I suspect. That's okay! I certainly don't miss the husband he has been since the A started. I do miss the man I thought would go to the ends of the earth for me. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Well - I will survive and I will find the gems in every day!!!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 157
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 157 |
Raven - thanks for your reply, too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
|
|
|
|
1 members (1 invisible),
119
guests, and
61
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
