Last February my H told me he was unhappy and assuming I was also suggested we split up "as friends" and happily raise the kids - in other words he wanted out of the marriage. I was shocked and scared. I told him I loved him and wanted to work on our problems. We went to see our minister and began "counseling" but H's response was alwways I don't want to try. I tried and changed how I wasbut his response was always the same. Thruout the year he would talk of leaving, I would pleasd with him to stay. I asked him repeatedly if there was someone else. He alsways said no. Two and onehalf weeks ago he told me about the OW. This is someone we knew in college and he reconnected with at our 20th year reunion. They have been talking and falling in love for the last year and half. They have been intimate twice he says. She lives in another state where he had business. She is married for the second time and has 3 kids(we have 3). She wants a divorce from her H. When my H told me this i was sick and told him to get out. He told his family and wrote a letter to mine. Last week he left. He calls the kids every night and say them for the first time last night. I want to work on this. He is not a bad man. He is lost. Professionally he has been suffering for thr last three years also. Is there any hope. He says he loves her and not me,but needs to leave thehouse to figure things out. I asked him not to tlak to her while he is out of the house. was this therightthing to do? I have a copy of "survivng an affair" but it all seems so overwhelming right now. should I be nice to him? shut him out? this sucks.

If you read Surviving An Affair you know what you need to do. You need to Plan A him. I don't know that kicking him out was a great idea, but now you have to Plan A the crap out of him.

You should be talking to him NICELY.....filling his EN's........making yourself an attractive alternative to the OW.

You've got quite a battle ahead of you, so prepare yourself <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

-Caren

Jade,

I'm so sorry that you are going through this; it sucks to say the least.

Caren is right; Plan A is the way to go. Continue reading here and studying MB concepts. Make sure that you understand Plan A.

Any chance of getting him to return home? Plan A is easier when spouse is home.

Yes, be nice; try to reconnect. Does OW's husband know what's going on?

Jade - stay here with us on MB. We can help you get thru this. And carefully study Plan A - it does have a very potent effect. I know - I'm using it right now. And, as was suggested, please buy "Surviving An Affair" I got it off half.com for something like 10.00.

We are here for you...

David

<small>[ February 11, 2005, 06:10 PM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>