Just curious about everyone's thoughts on this.

Could my WH truly be happy with OW and have no regrets? Could he never wish to come back to me? I think about this a lot. I don't want him back but I have to admit that it really hurts to think that he is so happy and never even thinks of being with me again.
I wonder if he misses me at all. I wish these thoughts would just go away!!!
Just wondering what other people thought about this.

Tree, I don't know - I'm an RWW and I never left physically. I do know that a relationship with the OM would never have worked. The devestation to our spouses and the guilt and fall out would have been impossible to live with.

I do know that the relationships I know of in the real world that began as A's are not good.

Jen

<small>[ February 11, 2005, 01:51 PM: Message edited by: KiwiJ. ]</small>

My marriage recovered after my PLAN B.

When I was in PLAN B, my thoughts were like yours that he was happy with her, etc. Turns out that he wasn't happy at all and missed me a lot.

Why are you divorcing? Are you positive that you no longer have feelings for him and would not want him if he returned and met your conditions for marital recovery?

It just sounds like to me that you are not finished with him completely.....

I guess anything is possible, but I kind of doubt it.

Generally, the WS doesn't really know the OW and the OW doesn't really know WS. They haven't really engaged in any form of "real life" together.

Also, the A was caused by a problem with the WS, like his inability to identify or express his feelings. That problem isn't going to disappear--it is a problem within WS that can be fixed if WS works at it. A WS will work at it if he/she tries to put the M back together, but won't if he/she runs off with OP. So, sooner or later, the problem will re-emerge.

TreeReich - I totally understand the additional pain and grief that comes with thinking that perhaps your WS is having the time of his/her life with the OP. In my case, my H left for a woman who has three kids (the biggest draw was the children), who lies through her teeth, has a major spending problem, and displays histrionic personality disorders (e.g., she breast-fed another woman's baby in front of 12 shocked people (including me) at a party). I have my moments thinking that he sees her as being fun and exciting as opposed to me who is stable and even. Sooner or later, fun and exciting becomes inappropriate and embarrassing, however. Real life begins to overtake the drug-induced stupor that a full-blown affair brings on. I think you need to ask yourself if, in fact, you are done with your marriage. If not, perhaps a legal separation is in order to protect your finances, but holding off on the divorce. Did you have a good relationship with your H while you were married?