Hello all,
My H and had an affair and I found out about it a couple months ago.
He has been contacting her the whole time up until about two weeks ago.
He has lied to me repeatedly. There have been so many lies but you know when you have a gut instinct? My gut instinct always told me that he was lying to me even when he wanted me to believe that he was telling the truth. I always found out that my gut was right.
Now he says he hasn't contacted her for two weeks and now I do believe him, there has been no evidence. I have access to cell records, email and all the ways he used to contact her except from his office phone. He has been making himself accountable for the most part and prior to this, I never knew where he was for sure. I just knew he was never home!

He has said that he doesn't love me like he used to and that his love for her is fading quickly.
We have had a very rough marriage. He is very verbally abusive and I have to say I grew to hate him over the years.
Our kids really never saw us hug or kiss and don't know what it's like to have parents who show affection to each other. We both show lots of affection to the kids though.
I told him I didn't love him anymore because he was so mean. We drifted even further apart after that. Just got to the point where we would ignore each other's presence in the room. Sad isn't it?

I frequented this board as lurker a couple years ago when I told him that I no longer loved him. Everyone was so helpful to me, even though I never posted.
What a wonderful place!!

I don't wear my wedding ring anmymore since I found out about H's affair. I miss it terribly.
He hasn't worn his in over a year.
He suddenly started wearing it again. He said he is not over OW and that he hopes to love me again like he used to but we will have to rebuild that.
Even though I have been plan A'ing to the max, it isn't enough I guess.
He said it took a long time for our love to die and it is going to take time for it to be rebuilt.
I am so worried that I will fall back in love with him, only to have him decide that he can't return the feelings.
Because he is has been so mean to me all of these years, I sometimes just think it would be best to just separate instead of taking the chance of being hurt even more.
Sometimes I think our kids are the only thing that is keeping me with him. I now feel though, that I really do love him. His A really woke us both up in terms of how bad were both treating each other, really. I was a b**ch these past couple years.
We are both uncomfortable with being so nice to each other lately. Neither of us know how to act!
We have talked about him moving out.That may happen, as he is not sure what he wants. OW has her own relationship to worry about and does not want my H to contact her.
My H suffers from clinical depression and is an alcoholic. He is on meds. When he is down and out, I don't know how to read him. I wonder is it me or his depression? He gets so sad and stares off into space for awhile. It scares me sometimes. I don't think he would try to commit suicide but I am not sure. He's had a horrible life.

He said he would call me when he gets the urge to call OW. He is addicted to her however and just sending her an email, even knowing she won't reply seems to make his day and lifts his mood for the rest of the day.
It all just seems like such a mess that it may be impossible to dig ourselves out.
I have read the books suggested by all you wonderful people on this site and it does help.
I understand the whole MB conceppt, but really,
sometimes, arent't you just in too deep to work your way back out? thanks you for your input.

I don't think so, I don't think you're in too deep for that. Your husband is in withdrawl, and shouldn't be even attempting contact with the OW. You are in a fairly good position since the OW does not want contact with him. He needs to write an NC letter to her, that you approve and YOU send.

You need to be going to a marriage counselor, and have you read Surviving An Affair and His Needs/Her Needs????? You need to do that too, have him fill out the ENQ (Emotional needs questionnaire) and you fill one out too (You can print it from this site). Find out what's missing for both of you, and then try like heck to fill each other's needs.

I think that you are in a very good position to save this thing hon. Just gotta do a few things to make your marriage one where you both are joyful <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

-Caren