Hi everyone,

I have been taking a little bit of a break from the board because it was just depressing me so much when I see so many new people on here. All the senseless pain that is inflicted on faithful spouses just makes me want to cry.

Anyway, I have been following Dying Here's thread tonight. It sounds so much like my situation that I feel like someone is watching my life and reporting it for me. I also am a major Plan B failure. I am crying so much right now. For those who don't know my story, I have been in "Plan B" (yeah right) since December 20, 2004. I came to Montana from So. California. I am living with my brother (driving him crazy because he doesn't know how to deal with anxiety attacks and crying fits) My welcome with my brother is sorely wearing out. I can't really afford my own place, and WH wants me to come home. I told him I can't come home until he ends all contact with OW.

I am so leaning toward going home. I am very homesick, I miss my friends, my family and my HUSBAND. I am sure that if I go back right now it will prolong the A, but I feel caught between a rock and a hard place. What to do??????

My children want to go home. My youngest D, age 6 is crying every day because she misses her daddy and her friends and her "own school". Even my 12 year old wants to go home now. The pressure is horrible.

I have been praying about it and am waiting on the Lord to lead me, but I don't seem to be getting any indication as to what to do. My brother thinks I should go home and kick WH out of our apartment. I can't Plan B from 1300 miles away, how can I do it in the same town???? I feel like such a failure. I am impatient, too impatient.

This has been a horrible nightmare. Of course we missed Christmas and New Year's as a family. Now we have missed my D's birthday (1/27) and Valentine's Day is coming. On 2/19 is WH's birthday then our anniversary is 3/09. I am sitting here thinking I will never make it through all these significant days. I went to a Valentine's Banquet at church tonight. Why? I don't know--it was not a "sweetheart banquet"--lots of other single people there, but it threw me into such a state of depression.

Please pray for me any of you reading this that are believers. Sometimes I feel like I can't go on another day.

Dying Here's story is so similar to mine. My WH recently told a good friend that he is finishing it with OW because he wants his wife and family back. Three days later he actually has the nerve to take OW to a different friend's house (who, BTW, thinks she is a whore). All of WH's friends believe OW is a whore, especially because of the fact that she was my best friend for 12 years. WH tells people that he needs time to end it. Aughhhh!!!!

I just want to whack him in the head. And sometimes I feel absolutely homicidal so it is probably a good thing I am 1300 miles away.

I just feel so guilty because I feel like I really didn't do a good Plan A, so now I want the chance to be able to go home and do it. Then I realize that no matter what I do or how nice I am, he believes OW is superior to me. He rejects any kindness I show him, of course I did a lot of LBs so I feel so guilty and like I sabotaged myself. Is it possible to go back and re do Plan A??? Anyone have any suggestions?

I am so depressed right now and I haven't been able to sleep through the night for several nights now. My 6 year old has been wetting the bed, wetting her pants and pooping her pants-every day now. It was just maybe pooping once every couple of days, now it is all three every day. It tears my heart out. I feel powerless to keep these people, WH and OW, from hurting her. WH's absence hurts DD. OW's role hurts DD--this is someone she trusted and loved, called her Aunt *****.

Someone please talk to me. Thank you.

SST, what a traumatic time you are having <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
I am no expert but I will only speak from my own experience.

Firstly you must get yourself well and stable. You need to be strong and hale to fight for your marriage.

Have you seen a doctor to help stablise your emotions using antidepressants? Such is not a weakness, any more than taking and asprin for a headache.

They can help stop the wild rollecoasting of emotions that stop your rational thought.

Now to your strategy.

Are you seeing an IC and/or an MC ? This is sometimes very helpful indeed at helping formulate a plan, with milestones to help inform next moves.

If not I suggest you consider it.

Next your Plan A/Plan B

I did not have to employ plan B, but I DO know its success is dependent upon having a good plan A.

You report that you didn't have this in your signature.

Was D-day three years ago in 2002?

If so I am unsure if normal MB principles will apply to you.

But Plan A is designed to leave the WS in no doubt what he/she is abandoning to persue a life with the OP. That coupled with exposure are powerful tools that cause joylessness amongst affairees.

I DO think that Plan B is not designed to remove the BS from their much needed support structure, its supposed to do exact opposite - remove your WH from HIS support structure.

If it was ME :

I'd see a doc for A-Ds

Then when more evenly-balanced I'd move back to where my friends and family could offer me help and support.

Next I would re-employ plan A for a very short time, say two months. This must be a solid plan A no pathetic emitional wrecks on show !

Then if no willing to stop WS affair, I'd do a total plan B. Dark as a coal mine in a power outage.

Thats just what I'd do, not advice. I am not an MC.

Other wiser heads than me will comment and help you but recognise you are recoveringfrom the worst betrayal - your best friend with your H. A double betrayal.

Get strong. It all starts with you getting strong.

All blessings

Hi Bob,

Thank you so much for responding. I feel so humble in your presence <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . I have long admired your Plan A and ability to do it.

I have a prescription for Ativan for anxiety. I haven't taken any lately though. I have to say that the anxiety has subsided somewhat. My biggest problem has been with forgiveness and anger. I went to a praise/healing prayer meeting a couple of weeks ago and went forward for prayer to address the anger/forgiveness. The Lord seems to have answered that prayer because I can say that most of my anger has dissipated; however, I still have a hard time with the forgiveness part. Even though I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have to do this.

I have also seen a IC once this past week. She mostly listened to me and didn't really give me any advice. It was nice to just be heard though.


Was D-day three years ago in 2002?
YES, it seems like a lifetime (it's half a lifetime for my DD)

If so I am unsure if normal MB principles will apply to you.

Next I would re-employ plan A for a very short time, say two months. This must be a solid plan A no pathetic emitional wrecks on show !

This has been my thought. I am just afraid of going home and LBing all over again and really killing any chance of restoring M.

Then if no willing to stop WS affair, I'd do a total plan B. Dark as a coal mine in a power outage.

This is what my family has been suggesting also, and friends.

Thats just what I'd do, not advice. I am not an MC.

Bob, thank you for sharing your views. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. I have been praying for you and Squid and your recovery. It's a long hard road with lots of turns. Thank the Lord He is there for us.

Other wiser heads than me will comment and help you but recognise you are recoveringfrom the worst betrayal - your best friend with your H. A double betrayal.

This really has been one of the hardest things to deal with about the whole thing. Especially when she had the nerve to tell me she loved my children as if they were her own. GAG. (She doesn't have any)

Get strong. It all starts with you getting strong.

With God's help I am trying to.


All blessings

To you too Bob, You are such an inspiration!!

Susu,

Sorry you and your children are suffering so. Have you accomplished what you need by this trip? If so, then moving home and displacing the WS maybe just what the entire family needs.

When you moved, it was more for you than them. Now you may need to move back for them. Your little one seems to be showing signs of trauma from this fallout. Your WS needs to know your escape to MT was due to his A. If you bring the family back, ask how he will prevent his A from hurting his family again. This time it w/b harder since the children are now showing physical signs of this stress.

When you move back, you say you have family and friends, can't he move out? AFter all he already abandoned the family once before.

JMHO,
L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Orchid:
<strong> Susu,

Sorry you and your children are suffering so. Have you accomplished what you need by this trip? If so, then moving home and displacing the WS maybe just what the entire family needs.

When you moved, it was more for you than them. Now you may need to move back for them. Your little one seems to be showing signs of trauma from this fallout. Your WS needs to know your escape to MT was due to his A. If you bring the family back, ask how he will prevent his A from hurting his family again. This time it w/b harder since the children are now showing physical signs of this stress.

When you move back, you say you have family and friends, can't he move out? AFter all he already abandoned the family once before.

JMHO,
L. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi Orchid,

Thank you for replying. I always value your input.

I have talked to WH about whether he is going to make changes, but of course all he does is lie, or he will make a half-hearted effort that doesn't pan out.

I am thinking about what Bob said about trying to do Plan A for about two months. I just have to pray for the strength to not be emotional. I have a strong feeling that this is the key, but I don't want to put my kids through any more garbage. I hope that my having a strong, positive attitude will help them. I am very worried about both DD's. I will outdo OW at being "nice", but mine will be genuine. At least I am praying for that ability to show true forgiveness and love. God is faithful and hears our prayer so I will trust Him.

If WH moves out, he will move in with OW, she is waiting with open arms. Although I know he has not moved any of his stuff to her house since I have been gone. Doesn't she wonder why? This is something that bothers her a lot. I hear this from other people who know both of us. That's the problem with OW being a former friend. We have too many mutual acquaintances. Sometimes I don't really want to know, but I get told anyway.

My Wh actually did tell her it was over, then didn't call her for three days. She went crazy and called a good friend of mine asking if he had heard from WH because she hadn't heard from him so she was afraid he had harmed himself. Is that ego or what? She just won't let go.

Hi Susu,

As long as your H is willing to end all contact with the OW, I think that trying another Plan-A might be a good deal... if he's just trying to get you to come back while he continues to see the OW, then I don't think that will be helpful for you or your kids.

If you do decide to go home, I would make it very clear to your H that he needs to start MC with you and start showing you by his actions that he is serious about rebuilding the M with you. If he doesn't agree to this, or if he goes back to contacting the OW, then I'd throw HIM out and you and your kids stay in your home.

Semper Fi,
RIF

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by RIF:
<strong> Hi Susu,

As long as your H is willing to end all contact with the OW, I think that trying another Plan-A might be a good deal... if he's just trying to get you to come back while he continues to see the OW, then I don't think that will be helpful for you or your kids.

If you do decide to go home, I would make it very clear to your H that he needs to start MC with you and start showing you by his actions that he is serious about rebuilding the M with you. If he doesn't agree to this, or if he goes back to contacting the OW, then I'd throw HIM out and you and your kids stay in your home.

Semper Fi,
RIF </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi RIF,

I have told him I will only come back if he agrees to NC. He will say okay, then turn around and spend the night at her apt. He says he will stop seeing her when I come back. He "is lonely and doesn't have anyone at home" so he goes to her house.

I have addressed both IC and MC. He doesn't answer. He has some major issues from his childhood that need to be talked out. Not to mention a crisis of faith. He has turned his back on the religion he grew up with (Islam) which is more than a religion it is a way of life. It is the whole culture. He made a show of accepting Christ this past summer and I want to believe it was/is genuine. However, he seems unable to break the bondage of this affair. I just keep praying.

As I wrote in a previous post, I am going to give Plan A another try and if it doesn't stop him from seeing OW, I will kick him out and implement a really dark Plan B. (At least that is my plan)

Susu,

This is a good time to move back home and reclaim your home. Realize that the OW ain't that great and if kicking the WS out moves him into an R that he doesn't want, that maybe the ticket to ending the A.

Let me tell you why. In my case the WS was sent to the local jail due to a crazy thing he did. He made contact with the OW that I found out about. The deal was if that ever happened, plan B immediately. I was tired of packing his clothes and he certainly was in no hurry to move. So I did the next best thing. I opened the front door and threw his clothes out on the front porch and lawn. Whoosh! He claimed I was crazy. He was embarressed the 'neighbors' would find out. The neighbors already knew.....let's see that was 8 months into the A. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

He dialed 911 to report a crazy woman throwing his clothes out. At the same time he was pushing me around the house so I wouldn't throw out more clothes. Good suits, casual clothes, jackets, etc.... out the door. Oh yea, his underwear went in a large garbage bag and also went flying out the door. The next time there wouldn't be a bag for anything. LOL!!! So while he is pushing me away from the door and he is on the phone with the 911 dispatcher, I say.....'ouch you're hurting me, stop pushing me'. That was enough. 2 PD's came over in about 5 minutes. 4 more showed up shortly thereafter. As they were pulling the officers saw him push me into the front door back into the house. Not hard he just wanted me away from the door, he claimed they were coming to get me. LOL!!! Right, they got him instead and filed DV charges against him with a 10 day RO. He had a fit. The officer heard his story, came and got my side (by this time I was in tears.... I saw them handcuff him...that was hard to bear) and then they went out to calm him down. Instead his WS side reared it's ugly head. The officer came and told me they had to book him because of what they saw and asked if I had further charges. I said no, he was already being beligerent and if they could keep him away until he calms down, I w/b fine. Our child was in school and didn't witness this fiasco. Whew!

The officer told the WS he needed to take some anger management classes. WS claimed he was NOT angry. I had to laugh at that since it was obvious he was. He even cussed like a sailor to the 4 PDS. What a nut.

2 1/2 days in the slammer sobered him up. But he then had 7 days to go. He refused to stay with his mother, sister or dad's place. He choose to go to the OWs house. Of course he claimed that was his only choice since he could not come home.

That was all it took, by the 7th day, he was calling, crying and begging to come home. OW was in the background yelling: "L, take him back." LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> That was hilarious.

After all the suffering he put us through, he couldn't even live with her in their fantasy for 1 week? Too funny. I told him to stay there that they needed to get to know each other better. He swore right in front of her that she was not good for him. I played deaf and made him repeat it again a bit louder the 2nd time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

He later came home. That return was different than previous. I now had the ability to hang this experience over his head. I did not overuse it but at times, I would bring it up. When he irritated me and I had to pull out plan B,it was much easier. Told him to go and live with the OW, even offered to go drop his stuff off there so he wouldn't have to come to the house. Also let him know that filing an RO was not as difficult as I thought. LOL!!!!

See his reign of WS terror lost it's grip. Reality bites the WS and A in the buttocks. Leaves deep marks.

IMHO, you should move back home, let the WS tell you what he will do or is doing to make your return with the children safe. If he acts up, he can move out and where he ends up is not your issue. He needs to be financially responsible. Get your children in counseling ASAP once you get home.

take care,
L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Orchid:
<strong> Susu,

This is a good time to move back home and reclaim your home. Realize that the OW ain't that great and if kicking the WS out moves him into an R that he doesn't want, that maybe the ticket to ending the A.
.....

IMHO, you should move back home, let the WS tell you what he will do or is doing to make your return with the children safe. If he acts up, he can move out and where he ends up is not your issue. He needs to be financially responsible. Get your children in counseling ASAP once you get home.

take care,
L. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Wow, Orchid, what a story. I can't see my WH doing any of the things yours did but then again, I couldn't picture him doing what hs is doing now.

I will ask him what he is planning to do to make it safe for us to come back. I have a lot of fear that going back will prolong the A, but my DD's really ARE suffering by not seeing their dad. Although they miss the devoted dad he used to be, they want to be able to see him whenever they can, especially the younger one. Older DD has only spoken to WH twice since the beginning of Dec. 2004. She doesn't let him see her weak. But she does cry for him which is bad because she has such a shell around her that she doesn't cry easily. This also kills me. It's one of the harder things to forgive. Pain inflicted on me is one thing, but on my kids? Look out!!!!

First off I never had to do a plan B....I know it must be sooooo difficult for you and the kids! But since you did.........and made the move.....I say stick it out!!! and DO NO contact and wait.

Wait for him to now come to you with the announcement of NC!

I fear if you go back and are not strong enough to reclaim your home WITHOUT him in it and with him still in C with OW you will be back right where you were before you leaft to PLAN B!

Don't even talk to him right now! Avoid all contact! ONLY communicate thru mail and only communicate about the children. DO NOT tell him anything about you or what you are doing there!!
Peek his curiousity so bad he CAN'T stand it!!then may be he will find that he CAN MAKE A CHOICE between you or OW!~

Hang with it (PLAN B).........but it has to be a REALLY Black plan B for now.......Let him know NOTHING about what your doing.

You can not move back thousands of miles to NO CHANGE.....don't tolerate it or accept it. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I really think that he will have to make a choice......IF YOU STAY completely black!!

And like Bob said, get yourself on AD's....they will help you alot!~ hug the kids and spend this time building their confidence!!

Blessings,
Atruheart <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ February 12, 2005, 03:17 AM: Message edited by: atruheart ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by atruheart:
<strong> First off I never had to do a plan B....I know it must be sooooo difficult for you and the kids! But since you did.........and made the move.....I say stick it out!!! and DO NO contact and wait.

Wait for him to now come to you!

I fear if you go back and are not strong enough to reclaim your home WITHOUT him in it and with him still in C with OW you will be back right where you were before you leaft to PLAN B!

Don't even talk to him right now! Avoid all contact! ONLY communicate thru mail and only communicate about the children. DO NOT tell him anything about you or what you are doing there!!
Peek is curiousity an may be he will find that he CAN MAKE A CHOICE between you or OW!~

Hang with it.........but it has to be a REALLY silent and dark plan B for now.
You can not move back thousands of miles to NO CHANGE.....don't tolerate it or accept it.

I really think that he will have to make a choice......IF YOU STAY completely black!!

And like Bob said, get yourself on AD's....they will help you alot!~ hug the kids and spend this time building their confidence!!

Blessings,
Atruheart <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi Atruheart,

Thank you for your reply. One of my fears about not going back is that he will give up our apartment and I will feel truly homeless. I don't know if that makes sense or not. But I see your point. This is where I get confused. I feel like I should go back and try to do a good Plan A again. But then I think, "what will be different?" It is so nerve-wracking.

I just really worry about the effect being away is having on my DDs. But I worry about the effect going back will have on them too. Argghhhhh! What do you do when you have no really good choices?

What do you do? Make the best choice for you and your family. Don't worry about making choices for the WS' interest. What the WS is interested in is not what is best for the family.

Present yourself and your family as a 1 pkg deal. Go back home and reclaim your home. It belongs to you and your family. Staying there is a privilege not a right. If a WS wants to be with the family, then he needs to act like one. Ws' should not be welcomed back. Your H s/b welcomed back. Let him know that all family members are valued and loved by the family but the WS is not a family member. No loving family member would allow such their family t/b subjected to an A.

You need to move back but get your mind and heart in sync 1st.

L.

SST2 said

I feel so humble in your presence . I have long admired your Plan A and ability to do it.


No need SST2. My sitch had lot sof unsual things in it that helped my plan A be effective quickly, AND I was a useless wreck till God stepped in a started working me like a puppet.
I had to break down and lose very shred of mortal confidence before I coud do plan A.

I am no 'bible basher' but truly the glory is God's in my situation.
I just had to 'be still and know that (he) is God'. My 'trying to do the right thing' had to stop getting in the way.

That sounds precious but I truly believe this.

I take pride in my behaviour since Squids affair but none of the Glory.

Why am I writing this ?

Perhaps God wants you to stop trying so hard and isten to what he is telling you ?

I dunno darl'. I can't tell His 'still small voice' from indigestion most times, but I guess I write all that for a reason.

Over to you ,Lord. She is yours to use.

Here's my two cents for what it's worth...

you gotta attack this on different levels...different planes...and with different strengths...

1. though nothing your husband is doing in regards to the affair is 'fair'...neither is your removal of the children out of state fair...they the children deserve easy access to safe visitation with their dad...

you stand at a point of teaching your children that daddies are replacable....when they don't behave...just as daddy stands at the same point that mommies are replacable when a "new' woman comes along...

you need to move back home to do what is right for the children...and what is right for the children is totally seperate from working on your relationship....

children need their fathers...
I believe that...

2. You quit going to him and making your action of moving home dependant on his actions...
you keep setting YOURSELF up for failure...

I will ask him what he is planning to do to make it safe for us to come back.
nope that's your job...you need legal counsel and boundaries that protect your children from exposure to OP...you don't make your actions or moves dependant on a liars actions...you do the work...

I have talked to WH about whether he is going to make changes, but of course all he does is lie, or he will make a half-hearted effort that doesn't pan out.

quit this..quit all of this..
you keep using your husbands actions and inaction as your reasons for not doing this or that...

you take charge..
you make moves that have clear boundaries....

I have told him I will only come back if he agrees to NC. He will say okay, then turn around and spend the night at her apt.

there's another exmaple where it's all about him...and you let his actions control your actions....

and NO ONE...and I mean NO ONE is controlled or manipulatd without consenting to be so...

My biggest problem has been with forgiveness and anger.

you can't cling to this reason either...forgiveness comes to those that are sorry for their actions and are changing or have changed...you don't forgive a robber..who continues to rob....

and your anger...that's your own frustration with you still acting as if you can get him to change or promise things...that you know right now he is not capable of .....

you show him...
YOU SHOW HIM>...a STRONG independant woman....who can move on..
right now you are lost in the waves....and he can see you and knows exactly where you are...and this permits him to carry on...all he needs to do is peek out in the water...make sure you are still their bobbing along....and it's status quo...

this is no time to go belly up..

this is time to get yourself to shore...
stand on firm ground...
take a stand for you
for your children
your marriage......

and see if follows you back to your HOME...and YOUR sanctuary....

enough crying in your cornflakes.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> .time for actions....action is empowering...find your autonomy once again through these actions....

ARK

Hi Bob, Orchid, and Ark,

Thank you all for your replies.

Bob,

I can't tell His 'still small voice' from indigestion most times...

This is my problem too LOL. Thank you for helping to remind me Who is really in control.

Orchid,

You need to move back but get your mind and heart in sync 1st.

I have been really trying to do this. So far, I succeed most of the time. I have been praying a lot and trying to leave the control to the Lord. But, I still go back and forth. Just as Ark said, I'm lost in the waves and as long as WH sees me out there bobbing along, he is happy. Does he bother to send a lifeboat? NO!

Ark,

Your advice is well-taken. I really need to show him a strong countenance and be there for him to look to (the lighthouse) instead of out in the waves.

Thank you all for your replies.

I have to run now and take DD 12 to an event she has been looking forward to for a month. I don't want to be late. I'll check in later.

Suzanne

Suzanne -

Right now you are like the hit and run victim, asking for help from the person who ran over you.

As soon as you get stronger, your children will do better. Get some anti-D's and an attorney's help to get back into your apartment. Let WH move in with OW - don't worry about his actions. Protect yourself and your little ones.

Susu....
I believe betrayal inflicts great pain under any circumstance; betrayal that causes dissolution of the family unit and marriage causes pain that only those who have experienced it can comprehend. It is an assault that begins between the H & W then spreads to the kids, families, friends, work, church, .....and finally engulfs our entire lives. Forget about the WS doing what's right..... it is clear that their judgement is already impaired and as time goes on there is further deterioration. Left unchecked this betrayal starts to destroy. I think everyone here will agree that despite the validity of the concept of Plan A or B there are no guarantees that using these approaches will bring favorable results.....there is no doubt they can be beneficial. However, in your case is it possible that plan A may actually be enabling your H ventures? Somehow you have got to take charge of your own destiny and make decisions that are best for you and your kids. They have only you to look to right now it seems and you cannot let them down.

During my plan A I got duped into paying for my WW Mercedes which I'm still paying for; I gave up a fruitful relationship that was developing for me; I changed a lot of things about my business that she said caused problems in the marriage, but revenue dropped drastically; I accepted my role in the demise of the marriage, now I am blamed for the whole problem; and her OM had nothing to do with our pblms. So be careful with redoing plan A.....what will it cost you and what are you going to get.

It seems that it is clear that you want and need to return home....do it! Put him out of your home and make him take his share of the responsibility. You say you are hesitant to do that because you fear he may move in with the OW; while that may indeed happen, how much more can you put yourself and your kids through. I agree with your brother. The fog you hear so much about may never lift from your WH....don't let it swallow you up.

There is sunshine out there but you have to migrate toward the light. There will also be many cloudy days ahead....you can make it if you are where you need to be yourself. I believe that is with family and friends who can give you the support you so desparately need right now....
good luck, take care and may God bless.

<small>[ February 12, 2005, 11:32 AM: Message edited by: ecxpa ]</small>

Thank you all for your replies. I am so exhausted just from all the emotional stuff I have been trying to deal with. I have really had trouble sleeping again and today I feel wiped out.

Off topic, my DDs and I had a great day. Oldest DD (12) was in a beauty pageant today--she won!!!!! I'm so glad because it made her happy. She won a crown, a trophy, a sash and a medal for having the "prettiest eyes". She really enjoyed it. I have always hesitated to let her participate because I want to emphasize to her that beauty is from the inside. But she really wanted to try so I thought, "What the heck?"

But, back to the situation at hand--I am so torn because I really do want to try plan A again, but like ECXPA wrote "plan A may actually be enabling your H ventures?" It's hard to say. I really am confused. I appreciate all the advice and I am sifting through and trying to weigh the options. I hate being in this position. It really is horrible. I am trying to get past the horror, but it is there every day, somedays it seems too fresh again. Does it ever stop?

Thank you again.

Suzanne

Susu

The pain stops when we heal....let the healing begin by removing yourself from the source of injury whether that be via Plan B or other means. A being cannot sustain continued assaults without consequences.

If you can do this!!???

Then my suggestion would change to move back home too. BUT......it doesn't sound like your strong enough yet for it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It seems that it is clear that you want and need to return home....do it! Put him out of your home and make him take his share of the responsibility. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If you aren't strong enough.....and you move right back in???? and plan A a S who is still a WS you will get nowhere fast! then perhaps your looking at moving your children again....I would stay PUT and BLACK. FORCE the move either way! IN (with NC) or OUT period.

WS's love to manipulate and play both sides. Sounds like unless YOU ARE real STRONG one way or the other, your H is going to keep it that way!

You have already done the move.......STAY PITCH Black right now while you "think".
Don't call and tell him anything! make him call you and then NOTHING about YOU at all! Only about the children thru someone else.

That is my instinct on what "might" make him either sh*t or get off the pot!

Blessings and Prayers,
Atruheart

<small>[ February 12, 2005, 07:36 PM: Message edited by: atruheart ]</small>