OK, I have read His Needs / Her Needs and filled out the EN questionnaire. I now need some good advice.
An overview of my story can be found at:
web page Without a doubt, my WW needs more affection and attention from me. As far as I can tell, she got everything else. It is the affection and attention that I need to give her.
Unfortunately, I filed for divorce in October. I have told her it was a mistake but she really, really wanted me to file. She even called me to make sure I was filing and then she called me the day I picked up the papers to make sure. She has moved out and is deep in an EA with a single smooth talking playboy from work. She admitted her “attraction†to him once when I presented her with emails to him. But, then she retracted her confession by saying she sent them to see if I was spying. (Lies, Lies, Lies!!!) There is a very good possibility that the EA went PA when I was gone for a week in July. When I left, I knew something was wrong, when I came back, she was totally different.
She is in IC and so am I. But she will not go to MC and absolutely refuses to talk about the problems. However, she is still very close to me and has called me over a couple of times. But if I bring anything up about the relationship, she says it is over.
This marriage is worth saving. Neither of us drink, are abusive, have a beautiful home, kids, friends, etc. People envied our marriage.
Our settlement will be signed soon (not the divorce) but the settlement. My sister and I are selling property and my WS will get a nice 6 figure amount of money. My sister wants to sell soon and I can’t stop the sale. I am concerned that when my WS gets this money, she will purchase a new home as she is looking at houses.
So, I need a plan. How can I show her the attention and affection she needs w/o being overbearing and without brining up the relationship? Here are some things that I plan on doing:
1. A nice Valentines Day card left on her steps. No I love you (she knows that) but “Have a Nice Valentines Dayâ€. I will leave some of her favorite candy and a single yellow rose with it. (She loves yellow roses).
2. I am very fit and work out a lot so working out more is not going to help. But, I am thinking about purchasing a new wardrobe today. I want my wife to see that I am not only taking care of myself, but better than before. I want her to wonder why I bought the new clothes.
3. I need to look happy. It is hard but when she sees me, I want to look happy and confident.
4. May take up a new hobby? Art class, music, anything that she is interested in? I will make sure she knows.
5. A bachelor friend of mine is looking for a place to stay. He is a nice guy and the kids like him. Have a big house and will rent him the basement. Maybe my WS will see that I am moving on? Or will she get the wrong message that I don’t care?
Need ideas for a plan. How do I show her I am what she wants????
