Sorry about my "thinking out loud".....

I guess I'm wondering myself just exactly how much proof do I need to go to Plan B.

I am not able to find PROOF that WH is still in contact with OW, but past "performance" and gut feeling are all I have to go on.

His behavior just fills my mind with red flags!

AM I CHICKEN?

WHAT AM I AFRAID OF? (again thinking out loud)

Could someone say something to snap me out of it? Do what is right for me?

K

k-just wanted to say my WH says the same things to me all the time. It was like reading a transcript or something when I read your post....mine also says he is a screw-up, I would be better off w/out him, he was never able to be himself around me b/c of the way I was....and OW has No morals so he can say/do anything he wants around her. I agree w/ others-this is a fight w/ WH and God....the reason yours and mine are so depressed and miserable is b/c they are doing wrong and God is convicting them of it. Now whether they choose to listen to that and change or continue on the downhill spiral is their choice-they still have free will. Pray for him and take care of you. I know this is hard-I find myself caring less and less everyday about WH and not really wanting him back after all-I can't figure out if that is real feelings or a protective mechanism.

Anyway-good luck and God bless!

Hi SadandTiredMom...

Thanks for your reply.......

Finding HOW to take care of myself is the hardest thing I am finding to do....

I'm sooooooooo sad right now....

K

K,

You asked how much proof you need..the answer?

zero

He has lost the priviledge of having extemporaneous credibility extended to him.

His "recovery" looks and smells like lies. Not good enough. Not by half. So, I'd boot him until he gets serious..get's the help he needs and most importantly completes ..not begins.. completes the required changes in his personal life and demeanor.

K, you already know this..but the chaos is back..in full force..isn't it?

Noodle

Hi Noodle.....

You are right, and he is going to get the boot....

Just as soon as I get some ducks in a row - income taxes done, etc.

I have had enough of feeling like this. The ONLY thing he has done as far as conditions for our recovery is to go see an IC.

My theory on his feeling like a piece of $hit?

If you stop acting like a piece of $hit, you will soon stop feeling like one.

I plan on getting the row of ducks completed within a week or so....

Then, all I have to do is ask him what he got OW for V-Day, and he will leave. That seems to be all it takes for him.

My plan for reconciliation?

He's going to have to be without OW (completely) for at least 3 months, then we can talk - maybe.

I'll do Plan B right this time - with no being talked into letting him come back. How will I know he is lying? His lips will be moving.

No, this situation is not even good enough by half. It has sucked since about three or four days since he has come back. In some ways, it has been much worse than the times before.

I'm getting ready.

K

K,

Good for you. Feel better now? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Now there is resolution.

I wouldn't even ask him what he got her. I wouldn't mention her at all. I would just say..I'm not satisfied with your efforts..I'm not satiusfied that you are being truthfull..bye bye..and hand him the letter.

This is round three..so you may have real trouble getting him out the door. So DO get yourself ready..no need for haste if you have a plan.

Make a VERY stringent list of YOUR requirements for reconciliation..and make it with your taker this time...make it before he leaves so that YOU don't forget why it was so important. Take a picture of your face today and put it in your plan B journal. Mark this moment..there is a reason you are choosing this..and it isn't because you are a meany <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Most BS ask for TOO LITTLE and GET LESS..do not be fooled this time.

Good Luck!

Noodle

Thanks Noodle....

I will post my list of conditions for reconciliation here so that you all can help me.

To say that I am NOT satisfied is an understatement. SH told me to tell WH that I cannot go on with this pain everyday "in my face" until he finally decides he is ready to work on our M.

I don't know if WH thinks he is really smart, or that I am really stupid. His behavior (cold and distant) is enough to cause me pain. Daily. Suspicion. Daily.

I'm tired of feeling like I'm being played for a fool. I tired of hurting all the time. I'm tired of having this on my mind sooooo much that I really have a hard time carrying on a conversation about anything else.

I'm just tired.

K

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by k72172:
<strong> Sorry about my "thinking out loud".....

I guess I'm wondering myself just exactly how much proof do I need to go to Plan B.

I am not able to find PROOF that WH is still in contact with OW, but past "performance" and gut feeling are all I have to go on.

His behavior just fills my mind with red flags!

AM I CHICKEN?

WHAT AM I AFRAID OF? (again thinking out loud)

Could someone say something to snap me out of it? Do what is right for me?

K </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Someone told me that I would know when to do plan B - when I began to wonder if WW was the right woman for me.... Just a thought


David

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by k72172:
<strong> I will post my list of conditions for reconciliation here so that you all can help me.


I'm tired of feeling like I'm being played for a fool. I tired of hurting all the time. I'm tired of having this on my mind sooooo much that I really have a hard time carrying on a conversation about anything else.

I'm just tired.

K </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well K (tough love coming up here):

You are solely responsible for being "tired" of all of this.

YOU ARE 100% RESPONSIBILE for your feelings and predicament TODAY. Untill you "love" yourself enough to "stop the insanity" you will continue on with this.

YOu can post all of the "conditions" for reconciliation you want.........but it is all just "words". Untill you show your WH that you have the personal respect and strength to demand change........nothing will.

I fear in your case.........CHANGE cannot happen with your WH untill he TRULY believes that you can SURVIVE without him. You have NEVER given him a reason to think differently. He KNOWS that when "push comes to shove" (pun is intended) you can always be "talked" off the ledge. He knows it and you know it.

TAKE THAT CONTROL AWAY FROM HIM AND "RESCUE" your life away from this complete F-ing insanity.

I KNOW that you can do this....but it does not matter what I or anyone else say.....it is in your court now....ONLY YOU can change your life here.....not your WH's actions or treatment of you.

WIth love and best wishes <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LM

Thanks for your reply David....definitely something to think about.

Lemonman.....well, always good to hear from you. Of course, you are right. Tough love and all....

This time everything for me feels different. I'm taking this all methodically - the getting of ducks in a row. Like Noodle said....resolution.

I think fondly of the weeks in Plan B when WH wasn't around, and remember how good I felt. I was actually starting to be my old self again. Happy, laughing, joking, etc.

I can honestly see that I have been weak....that I believed WH too quickly. Wanted to believe that he was his old "honest" self again.....I'm not naive, maybe too idealistic.

I CAN SURVIVE without WH. I know this. I think at some level he knows this also. But, as you say, he needs to know it at the "conscious" level.

Like I said before, I am not afraid of being alone. Heck, I've been "alone" for a long time. Especially the year WH lived in his own apartment.

I know I can do this. This time is going to have to be different. Because I WILL NOT go thru this again. I WILL NOT.

The ball is in my court.....

Thanks Lemonman.

K