My WS told me last night that she has found God because she has no one else to turn to. So today I bought her a necklace with a small cross and diamond in it. I will drop it off at her house on Valentines Day with a simple not that states:

Dear WS,
I am glad that you have found comfort with the Lord. I hope this necklace will remind you that he is always there for you.
Keith

- Everyone; What do you think??? Should I do this?

What is your sitch? I take it you are separated. Is this a separation leading to D? Whose idea was it? Also, where is the OP in all of this?

Having said that, on the surface, this sounds like a great idea. If you are doing any kind of plan A, this might be the ticket she needs. Your notes will show her that you understand that she is going through pain as well and that you can see it's not all about you.

Unless there is something specific that makes you think this might not be a good idea, I say go for it.

She has had 3 EAs in 9 years and this one may be PA also. But I suspect it is an EA that the OM is not aware of (and quite possibly, does not care).

I know she cares about me but she is really confused.

We are getting a divorce. I cracked and filed in October. She REALLY wanted me to file though. She wanted to look like I walked out on her. She got her wish I guess.

Keith-

You know, you can stall on the divorce indefinitely......you don't have to go through with it.

It's obvious that you still really love her a lot.

I think the cross necklace is fine. I think it's a good idea. I think you should find more ways to Plan A her hon.

When did you file again??? I can't remember.

Remember....Happy!! Happy!! Happy!! Whenever you speak to her on the phone, or see her.

Gotta be the lighthouse!!

-Caren

Caren,

I will stall it as long as possible. I should not have filed but I was at my wits end. It was incredible how hard she pushed to get me to file. I cried like a baby at the attorney's when I did it. I ended up doing what she wanted!

Sometimes I truly think she does not deserve me. She has hurt me and the kids so bad. Tonight she is out again.

There is a glitch with the divorce. We must sign the settlement soon because of some property I am selling with my sister (our grandfathers farm in which I grew up). Anyway, my WS gets half which will be a lot of money. She will go through it like candy. But signing the settlement does not mean we are divorced. I will stall that end of it.

Unfortunately my WS does NOT know that I purchasing part of the farm back. It means nothing to her but means a lot to me.

Yes, I still love her. Friends, family all say I am nuts. But you know what? I took our vows seriously. I have never cheated and have always loved and respected her. Maybe she did not get the EN's she needed (i.e. affection) but is that a reason to have multiple affairs and not agree to go to counseling? No.

She just called. I am sure she called so late because she wanted to make sure the kids and I were home. I checked the caller id and she called from her cell (not her apartment). I so want to drive by where I think she is but I am staying put with the kids.

All I want is for her to come back so we can figure this out.

Keith,

I think the necklace is a wonderful idea.
You are a very caring man.

I agree with Caren to stall the divorce. Seems to me you still love her and if that is so, don't go through with it yet.

Suzy,

Thank you. It is hard to know what to do. I have always loved and respected her. Her friends cannot believe what she is doing and have told her such. She does not talk to them anymore. Her friends (and their husbands) always invite me over for meals, parties, etc. It really ticks my WS off but what can I do. If I was doing what my WS is doing, I would expect the same treatment.

It so amazing how much she lies. It is just a tangled web that she cannot keep straight.

Keith

Keith,
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> It so amazing how much she lies. It is just a tangled web that she cannot keep straight.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, the lies are the worst part, aren't they? I found out that my WH is such a liar. I can't believe he would do that to me. You try all you can and love them so much, and this is what you get.

It's good that your friends know that you are not in the wrong here. Friends are so important.
I was married once before and it is hard to come to terms with "who gets the friends." My Ex and I had the same friends. I was the one who kept the friends then.

This is my second marriage and honestly my H and I really don't have the same friends. He talks about so many people I've never met (guys). And I keep finding out about so many girls also that are his friends that I've never met. That is how his affair started.

My WS that I am giving the necklace to did not come home to her apartment last night. I know this because she was supposed to take the kids to Sunday School but did not show up to get them. Then the kids told me that mom is gone for the weekend (again).

When she calls tonight I will act happy and oblivious to her destructive behavior.

When is this guy going to dump her? After all, he goes through women like water. Or it could now be a 2nd guy that her new friends (that I have never met) set her up with. She said she is seeing him because he is going through a divorce and she is trying to help him. This is the same person (my WS) that would not go to counseling to save our marraige but she will help a stranger through his terrible divorce???

How stupid does she think I am?

But, she gets a diamond necklace from me tomorrow. Anybody want to bet if she gives it back to me?

Keith

Quoting BHINWI:
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When she calls tonight I will act happy and oblivious to her destructive behavior.
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Why?

What is wrong with telling her that her behavior is destroying your family? You can state the truth to her, unemotionally, and in a very 'matter of fact' manner. You can ask her on what date, specifically, will she be stopping the behavior.

Quote:
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How stupid does she think I am?

But, she gets a diamond necklace from me tomorrow.....
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No offense intended, but I think you may be answering your own question here.

You bought her a necklace. That is very nice. Put it in a drawer along with the card and save it for the day when the sane version of your wife returns.

You can be nice to your wife. That does not mean that you approve of her behavior, or facilitate it in any way.

You have to be the rock of truth. Be loving of her, but never accepting of her illicit behavior. Her behavior is wrong. Period.

Plan A is not about being a doormat.

All the best,
Gimble

I think it's a nice jesture to your wife. Follow your heart and do what you think is best!!!

Quote:
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How stupid does she think I am?

But, she gets a diamond necklace from me tomorrow.....
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Ok, I deserved that one!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I left the diamond necklace at her apartment. She called me crying and thanked me for it. We then talked about stuff (not relationship) for about 20 minutes.

So, is that a good sign?