I am coming up on 1 year from Dday. This time last year she was babysitting my kids.

I just got two complaints today about my wh - 1 from MIL asking how is he doing he hasn't called. BIL has been in town for 2 wks from the Marines and he has not talked to him or come over to visit. The 2nd from a good friend of his said she has left messages everyday and he has not returned her phone calls -- she finally called me knowing we are at separated just to find out if he was ok. Wh friend said she knew my wh was bipolar -- she has been around it enough to know what it is. I said why don't you tell him this -- she has.

Since our separation and the truth coming out -- I am at a good point -- doing a true plan A (much easier when he is not here everyday). I am worried now -- I know the A is ending soon -- (she keeps LBing and I am perfect in his eyes). I think he is truly sick but won't admit it -- what then.

<small>[ February 12, 2005, 10:38 PM: Message edited by: tdr ]</small>

Hi, tdr.

I suggest you print out a list of symptoms from a website. Check out http://www.bipolarworld.net. and bipolar.about.com

There are many decent sites that discuss issues relating to the disorder itself, as well as family members coping with an affected member.

Keep the list short. Add a short list of local psychiatric doctors or clinics, include phone numbers. You can shorten the doctor list to mostly females. Your husband will likely feel more comfortable with a female doctor.

Give the list to your husband upon his return.

Once both of you begin to understand his disorder, you can slightly modify your plans A/B and enjoy a greater chance of success.

Untreated, he is likely to return home, to the familiar. Once he does, you are going to have to make his staying contingent on treatment. This is for your sake and his. If you don't do this, he will repeat his behavior.

That's my $0.02 worth.

All the best,
Gimble

thanks Gimble I will do that. I feel like I have been given two battles. Once one is done I have to confront the next one. Our MD put him on Zoloft -- when I kind of Plan B'd him in December he started getting anxiety attacks. He is not taking it correctly and I know it is not the correct meds for bipolar.

Hi, tdr.

You are right, it is not the correct med for bipolar disorder (if he has it). There is a good deal of controversy surrounding the use of anti-depressants and the potential for extreme manic responses in people with bipolar disorder. The more serious potential for disaster is in undiagnosed sufferers of the disorder, for obvious reasons.

I am sorry for your difficulty. You may indeed be getting a 'double dose' of trouble.

You have to do what you have to do, according to what you are willing and capable of handling.

Having said that, if he is bipolar, and you can get him treated and stable; Then over time, he will not only realize what he has done, but there is a good possibility that he will be able to understand the underlying mechanisms well enough to ensure that it never happens again.

It is entirely possible that he has no idea why he is doing what he is doing, only that he feels compelled to do it.

For now though, even if you suspect that he is bipolar, you simply can NOT dismiss or excuse his behavior. It is imperative that you hold him responsible for his own actions.

I make no claims as to my expertise, other than I have considerable experience with the subject. If you have questions, I will be happy to attempt to answer or point you to someone that can. I monitor this forum daily.

All the best,
Gimble

Thank you Gimble -- I will take you up on that. I have been working on my story which includes his bizzare behavior. As soon as it is done I will post it -- maybe you can have some input.

tdr

tdr,

Call MD and told him about his bipolar. It is very dangerous to put bipolar on AD. b/c it would left him w/ manic and push him out there.

-rh-