Hi,

Any plan B experts around?

I've been over on the divorcing/divorced thread for some time & got into plan B 2 weeks ago. It's not a nice situation to be in, because what I'm doing is sitting and hoping for my W to decide she wants to make a go of things. The xOM (I think!) emailed me yesterday & I don't really know what that's all about.

What I really want to know is what to expect in terms of time etc. Days feel like months right now.

Anyway if anyone has the time here's my story..
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=34;t=011185

<small>[ February 13, 2005, 08:55 AM: Message edited by: graeme ]</small>

Graeme...I'm just wandering if I know you from another forum a few years back??? I knew someone named graeme and he was also from the UK...

Anyway, let me explain something about Plan B...Plan B is not meant to END an Affair...It is however meant to protect you, the love you have left for your spouse and the marriage from any further destruction...it is meant to help you move on, with the intention of protecting yourself from the destruction and turmoil the A has put you thru...

I would suggest you start doing things for YOU...Anything, just do it...except dating...Stop waiting for your wife to make a decision...Plan B will get better in time! I promise you that...You will eventually feel peaceful cuz you wont be worrrying everyday about what she is doing, who she is with, why hasnt' she called you...Hang in there!

Hiya, no it wasn't me, this is the only place I've been for the last year.

I know plan B is about me, but I also know it's a last chance to recover things. I know I have no choice at all but to do this, but in my heart I'm praying she comes back to me. I am doing this because I just could not cope with trying to plan A any more.

I am slowly managing to get myself busy, and yes it is getting a bit easier. The weekends are pretty soul destroying though. It's good to come on here.

Thanks

Hi Graeme

Plan B was a whiff of fresh air after a way too long Plan A for me. I probably waited a little too late, my Love Bank was already completely empty (or very nearly so). One false recovery later, and I filed for D.

But, there is plenty of hope for you, since you believe that the A is now over. She will have to have time to defog and miss you. This will take at the very least 3 weeks, but more depending on the intensity and length of the A. Then, she will need to satisfy ALL the conditions of your Plan B letter (be able to prove NC, accountability, MC, radical honesty, etc.).

You will be in the driver's seat for once, you just need to be patient just a little while longer.

Plan B is really hard at first because of our OWN withdrawal from our WS, but you will definitely feel better after 2 weeks of complete NC with your WW.

I cannot stress that enough...NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER WITH YOUR WW... This is serious business, this Plan B. Don't fall for anything less than full satisfaction of your conditions.

Otherwise, she will not take you seriously.

Good luck, and post here as much as you can to vent. ((((((graeme)))))

Graeme,
YOu are getting good advice.

Stop and think about YOURSELF. What do you need to work on, internally for YOU to be a better, more enlightened person? What do you need (besides your WS to repent and come back) to make YOURSELF happy?

These are the kinds of things you need to be thinking about and doing. What you need for yourself. Proceed as if you are not going to reconcile (But you don't yet have to fully grieve the loss of the M, just the loss of innocence and trust that you once had) and take care of yourself.

This is the beauty of Plan B. It protects you from the incessant hurt, pain and torture of your spouse's ongoing A, that is, if you do it "right." NO contact, if you need to talk finance or some other household issue, get an intermediary but under NO circumstances talk R other than--when you have NC with OP and have a plan to keep and prove NC we can talk about our R.

Plan B actually provides much needed peace and spiritual growth if you work it.

Hang in there.

I should say that I am the bad guy here. I left 4 years ago & during that time met someone else and had an A.

I came out of the fog a year ago & spent the last year trying plan A. Found out at christmas there was OM and had been for a year. She tells me it's all over now - he is married. In a way I was glad because it explains a lot about the failure of plan A. Anyway I just could not carry on with plan A any longer... so here I am.