Hey.....you out there? Worried about you. Hoping the anti-D's haven't just numbed you to the point where you are tolerating your H's treatment of you. You deserve better.

Let us know if you are OK.

^^^

I am here. I wish the A/D'S were doing a better job. i am in so much pain today. Last nights date was HORRIBLE. I wrote about some of it on my other thread.

I am just never going to be enough for my husband, He is the one who had the affair but he has a way of making it MY FAULT. He was back to blameing me for EVERYTHING last night. Then when he was done, he told me to not hold a grudge and drop it, and then acted as if nothing had happened. Held my hand, tried to make conversation (I was not up for it- I felt like a huge weight was sitting on me), he was trying- like I would normally- it was like our roles were reversed- and I just did not care. I was hurt so badly by what was said- and it did not seem to affect him at all.

{{{{{KMEJ}}}}} I can relate to him making it feel like it is your fault. It SUCKS!!! just keep reminding myself it is not. You have a much different sich than I do, but my heart goes out to you.
You have to be enough for yourself and kids, Can't let his faults,guilt,blame,and whatever fits, get you in a mindset of guilt or hatred! I do not know your whole story, I will be looking it up to get up to speed, but it sounds like you are loved by many in this group. That is alot of shoulders to lay on. Wish I knew what to say to you to cheer you up, but that is not one of my strengths, as much as I wish it was.
Not sure where you live, but here in Washington, it is a glorius sunny day out,so I send it to you to brighten your day.

Thanks for the Sun, and the words. People here are great. They are growning impaitent with me, Rightfully so.

I don't believe people here grow impatient with anyone, other wise they would not be here. We all are here for support of all kinds. and for however long it takes. Some days are harder than others. If not for this site, My marriage would be over. So much info not found in books. Keep a chin up. if you can't, stand on your head so it is up!!

How can we be impatient with you? I think most of us are in the very situation you are in <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Good morning.(here anyway) The other thread is pretty full, and I just wanted to say hey and hope you are doing ok. It is supposed to be sunny again today, so I hope some of it finds away to help warm your heart some. (kind of corny, but hope it puts a smile on your face, if only for a short while <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hello, still wondering how you are doing? Is everything as ok?(as well as can be expected anyway)

well H just offically got his promotion that he has been waiting 6 months for- so he is in good spirits. I am going along with everything for now- as it sorta works with my plan as well. WE have now set up day care for our two younger ones so I do not have to worry about what to do with the kids if I do leave <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Things between H and I have been pretty nonexsistant. H's mood changes all the time- last week he demanded I quit my second job (yes again <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ) and this week he is talking about the shifts I can work with his new posistion <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> . Everyday is different. I take it one day at a time- while trying to put a plan in place if it is needed. Thanks for asking!

good day KMEJ!
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Things between H and I have been pretty nonexsistant. H's mood changes all the time- last week he demanded I quit my second job (yes again ) and this week he is talking about the shifts I can work with his new posistion
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Why does he control what,when,where you work? is that not up to you? If Daycare is taken care of you should be able to do what you feel. I know you have been going through some real hard times, and a big {{{{{{KMEJ}}}}}} goes to you. (not sure if that really works) I think it is great how strong you are all the time(well most of the time)
I don't know if I could deal with what you are dealing with. My situation is so simple compared to your life. How are the Kids holding up? I will check out the other thread to kindof keep up on your situation. Just glad to hear you are still doing the best that you can.

I have not posted an update on the other thread lately- been rather dark as I can not post at work and I have been pretty busy at home....

The kids are doing good- however 2 are sick at the moment...

The youngest (2 in January)has decided he is a big boy and wants to use the big boy potty and doing great- even pooping on it! I hope he sticks with it!

LOL, my youngest is 14 now so the potty trials are long gone. What a big event for him. don't forget to get him an ice cream!
hope all stays well for you.

He does it for the sheer praise that it brings him- and there is a lot from me, his daddy, his brother 8 and brother 4- they all think it is just great.

What I do not understand is why he will not give up the diaper for big boy underwear- he insists that he has to wear a diaper- however does not poop or pee in it- and will NOT wear a pull up either. I understand that is all he has ever known; but what is wrong with big boy pants?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by KMEJ:
<strong> as it sorta works with my plan as well. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Did I hear plan? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Good for you!

Miker

first how long has he been dry? maybe he still thinks he might have accidents and doesn't want to have one in big boys clothes. you might try (Bribery). It worked with us, like I said earlier, Ice Cream was the bribe of choice for us. Just try a trade, A treat of his choice for a half day of big boy undies. and go from there. one step at a time. He knows when he will be ready. you will just get up one day and he will want to be done with the baby stuff. It is good that he has support from the Dad to. that is sooooo important. Maybe get a little incourgement from daddy to try the other choices!!

He might even be sensing the distraught going on in the house as well and just scared of change, because of the changes already going on around him. Could be a comfort tool. Don't pressure it. it is a big step. you will do fine. Just keep the love flowing to him. It will pay off.

Have a good night, and a great day tomorrow.

How are things. Havn't seen you on here in awhile?

Today things are rather sucky, I am frustrated with what my H thinks is okay behavior now that he is on days. I get the kids ready- bring them to 2 seperate daycares (my oldest goes to a different one for before school) I pick them up as I am the first off, come home and make dinner and clean up- get ready for the next day (lunches, homework, baths bedtime stories ect) while he sits on the computer and does help somewhat but.... to me not enouph and I have shared that opinion with him and he just gets mad. He has put the kids to bed a few times- I guess I just thought that since he was going to be home more he would help more., Tonight he is out playing cards with his friends, tomorrow he is bowling with his friends. He gave me such attitude and I keep trying- but honestly I just feel I have given more then I have and I am spent.
Today I had a real hard day at work, had my formal review and was told that my supervisor views me "unsatisfactory", while my boss views me better then that. Basically I was told that I know my job, I do it well-however they feel that my personality would be better suited in a different enviorment... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> That I need to either acliment to my enviorment or find a new posistion. I came home crying because of how poorly my supervisor rated me, it hurt me tremendously, and I did not feel like talking about it, I just wanted a hug- H gave me a half hug and kept asking what was wrong, I told him I was not ready to talk about it, he got mad and and kept asking, I was still crying and saying I did not want to talk about it yet- so he decided to be mad at me instead of supporting me. Later he asked why I would not tell him- I told him why- because he always makes fun of me (like when I told him I was on A/D's- now whenever I get upset he tells me to go "take another pill" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> )

Physically and emotionally there is no connection- no love shown- really by either of us- we are both to blame. I do not feel emotionally connected to him, so it is hard for me to desire him in a way that I should. H really only wants OS from me or a quick release- I still crave the touch and closeness- i have told him this and he only asks why

The thing is I am not happy, do not see things improving between H and I yet- but I see things inproving between H and the boys. I am still working on my plan- I have the daycare now, have been looking into townhomes and ways to make it on my own. SO if things do not start to improve I have a back up plan.

Wish I had a happy update for you. THings really are not so bad- we went out to dinner last night as a family and it was great- we laughed and talked and enjoyed each others company- so I guess I am feeling down today from my hard day at work and could be blameing H for a lot of it- I would have liked him to stay home tonight and support me- or just taken care of the kids- but I guess his friends outweighed.

KMEJ, I wish you the best. I know this is a marriage BUILDING site, but I don't see your H as willing to change. I think you are doing the right thing in seeking out options to make it on your own. Hang in there kiddo, you will survive this mess I promise.

BMBO

Thanks Better Man- I appriciate you kind words. I hope things are going well for you.