Sometime ago I wrote you about my wife having my computer hijacked so she could see where I was going on my computer. We Dont leave together, because of her adult son (22 years old) not liking me, and my adult daughter (23 years old) not liking her. They live with each of us.

Anyway, She found out that I had posted my photo and a profile in a chatroom as being divorced and she had my conversations monitored. This all came to light Christmas Eve. Well everything blew up and she said she wanted a divorce and was going to see an attorney right after the New Years. Well I dont think that has happened and we are talking to each other a little. Mostly because I contact her. She has never contacted me since letting me know that she found my photo online. I have admitted to her that I was guilty and I have told the complete truth each and every time we talk about it.

I know what I did was crazy. I love my wife very very much. I got on line just for something to do. I never planned to meet anyone in person and never planned to talk on the phone to anyone I met online. To this date I have not done any of that. Just something to do. I know people will say Oh yeah, just something to do; well as crazy as that sounds it is true. The people you talk to can say they are women and post a picture, but in truth they could be men. I knew that so what I said about never meeting in of them in person is very very true. But in my case I miss my wife, and I seldom see her. We have been married 6 years this coming May. Intimacy between us throughout our marriage has been very limited. I miss her so very much it actually hurts me physicall, but her job as a nurse keeps her away all hours. I know she is faithful and very very hurtand extremely mad about all of this.

What does a guy that has done a very stupid and hurtful thing say or do to convenice his wife that he never stopped loving her and would never hurt her on purpose although in retrospect I see that I should have thought it would.

I really need mature insight on how to at least get a peaceful dialog going with my wife so we can work on putting our marriage back together. I have know her for over 20 years, and it is like part of me has been cut off and it hurts.

I never want to lose my wife. I am 61 and she is 57 and we planned to be together once our children left on thier own,

This M is destined for failure until you remove some of these obstacles.

You children are grown... you and your wife on essentially on borrowed time right now.

To hell with the kids... do you think they will give much thought to you and your wife when it comes time for them to be adults, and find relationships, and lives of their own ?

Unless you've lived together as man and wife, your marriage doesn't stand a chance.

I'm very surprised that this is how you and your wife chose to start your married lives together.

This will fail...too much unaccountable time in the marriage.

You don't live together ?

Because of grown children ?

I'm sorry if I'm sorry offensive..it's just really blowing my mind that you two both let your children dictate your life.

My dad is 61, my mom passed on 13 years ago. My youngest brother had serious issues with my dad dating. My little brother is 24, just bought his first home..because dad isn't going to be around forever..and why should he be lonely ?

I have grown children myself. My oldest son will be 21 on the 11th of March.

Love for your children is unconditional, but they don't get to rule the castles. I would make that first crucial step...then start working on what you want your marriage to REALLY be.

Discuss this with your wife.

Okay, I'm not good AT ALL at setting boundaries, and yet even I can't imagine being married to someone but letting your adult children rule such that you can't even live with the person.

That's part of what being married is supposed to be about--being one with the other person. Sort of hard to be one when you maintain two households.

Here's my thought: Is there a reason these "kids" have to live with you? Are they still in college? It would seem that if they are, the should be about done. And if they're not, why are they still living at home ruling the roost.

How about you tell them that you are going to live under the same roof as your wife and if you have to, you take some of the savings from not having to maintain two households and you help subsidize a small CHEAP apartment for each of them for a specified period of time, at which point they become self-supporting.

LL

Thank you Lordslady: I agree with everything you have said, but I only 50% of the situation. My daughter is in Washington State now interviewing for a job. My wifes son, is lazy and does not want to work or when he does it always has too be on his terms.

I really believe my daughter will be on her own within a month or so. My wifes son I dont believe will do it on his own.

My wife is extremely mad at me about my time on the internet. She is right to be upset at me, I should not have created a profile and chated with other "women", if that is what they were. You can never be sure online. I never met any of them in person or even talked with them on the phone. That was not what I was doing. Like I said I am living in one place and she is in another. So I spent much of my free time online. Not defending what I did. In retrospect, it was actually insane to do that. I do love my wife very very much. I have never been physically unfaithful too her, but I know from the Group I attend that spouses do feel betrayed by this. So I am going to pay the price.

I pray about it every night and have to let God do what he feels is right for us under the circumstances.

But what you said makes a lot of sense. We never thought it would be this long before the two adult children would be gone out on thier own.

Oh well, I have terminated my online activity except for talking to other about what the impact might be if you are married and playing around on the computer.

God Bless and Thanks again.