</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by gunslng44:
<strong> MelodyLane,

A sample would be much appreciated. I will mail out a letter tomorrow. He insists the reason for the site visit was to see the progress of construction. I wonder if it is because he has not had that closure and insurance. He has promised me that he will never do that again. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">ok, that sounds good, Mrs G, as long as he understands that visiting the sites is not good for your recovery. [nor his]

I will get you a sample.

Can I make another suggestion? Please have your H get the book I suggested - another good one is His Needs/Her Needs. A big part of your recovery will be to determine what conditions in your marriage may have led to this. Its real important that he learn to meet all your needs in the marriage and vce versa.

A good start are the emotional needs questionaires. It would really help if you would take it to determine what your emotional needs are. He should take one also. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4501_enq.html

Mrs. G, here are some samples for you! It would be helpful if you got Mr G's input on the letter and mailed either mailed it together or let him mail it. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=018918#000002

Good luck on your first day on your new job! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

P.S. please tell your H to come back and talk to us, we can help him get through all this.

MelodyLane,

Thanks for the link. H talking here. We sent an e-mail to the OM. It feels good. Thanks for letting us vent together. Trust is gone for now, but I hope we can salvage this relationship. I do love her, and I believe she loves me. I can never accept any rationalization for what happened, so I struggle w/that every second. Thanks for all of your input.

Sincerely,

The dude who had his heart and soul ripped out.

I'm confused, my wife had a one time A, is that a ons? she said "it wasn't about the sex" (i love that line) if it wasn't, why did you do it? anyway. An Affair is "always about the sex otherwise it would not be an Affair. The emotional Affair is about deciept and betrayal. Am I wrong?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by gunslng44:
<strong>H talking here. We sent an e-mail to the OM. It feels good.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Congrats - now send a separate copy to his wife.

Your knee jerk reaction will likely be that you do not want to cause further harm. That's very shallow. The harm has already been caused. For sure, OM is lying to his family. "What she doesn't know won't hurt her." gunslng44, weren't you being hurt before you knew about the affair?

Isn't revealing the disease to the OM's wife the right thing to do? Why keep the prospect of recovery to yourselves? How do you know that she doesn't already sense problems in her marriage? How will OM EVER be able to look into the eyes of his loving wife confortably - knowing he has an awful secret? It is impossible for them now to have a healthy marriage. Why not give them the chance? Don't you owe them at least this much?