Well my court date against OW is tomorrow. I am so stressed out that it is sickening.

Does anyone have any basic court advice?

What to wear? How to act? What to say? What to do? Etc?

The part I am most stressed out about (well yes, winning the case) but also, I can picture OW, WH and I all walking in the court house at the same time, up the escalator, and then waiting for the case....it is going to be HORRIBLE!!!!

I tried to get a statement from the neighbor but she has yet to get it notarized. I am sure it is useless without that. I hope she can do it today...

Danielle

<small>[ February 22, 2005, 11:27 AM: Message edited by: DanigirlinVA ]</small>

Dani,

Don't have time to post right now as I have to leave for work. One quick thing you need to know - notarized statements will not be accepted by the court because it does not give the other side the opportunity to cross examine the witness. You need to have these people physicall present at the hearing. If need be, have them subpoenaed. This includes the responding officers.

Regards,

BB

The ONLY advice I would have would be "basic". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

That would just be to remind you to use your best respectful manners..."Yes Sir", "No Ma'am", etc. And of course, not to be in any way arguementative.

Mostly, I just posted today to wish you luck. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Danigirl... As for how to dress, dress conservatively. Skirt (NOT micro-mini), blouse, and blazer, or a conservative dress or suit. If I were going to court, I'd dress as if I were going to a job interview for a professional position.

I dont' know much about your wardrobe, but basically, you want to wear something nice but not flashy. Make sense?

I still remember in high school when you could tell someone had to go to court for a speeding ticket because he was wearing a jacket and tie!

Good luck, I have been trying to keep up with your sitch but holy smokes!

Brit's Brat is right. You need to have your witnesses there in court with you....even if you have to have them subpoenaed. A notorized note won't do you much good.

As for the rest. Dress like your going to a job interview. Act like yourself....and definately don't let them bait you into any arguments.

Don't let yourself get drug down to their level....even if they are lying.....but on the same hand....don't act smug.

Take care.

Good luck, Dani. Dressing conservatively in the courtroom is good. Nothing flashy and probably nothing expensive. Something basic and comfortable. No jeans. Dress for a job interview or church. Blazer, blouse and dark skirts or pants. Not a lot of makeup or scent. Basic shoes. Discreet jewelry. Still got that wedding ring?

What is the image you are trying to project? You are a mother, a wronged wife, a person who was awoken in the middle of the night by a couple drunks. You were protecting your children. Stress their ages and the inappropriateness of waking them up in the middle of the night. Note that WH made no other attempt to call or come over until the late at night visit. Has he previously visited them at times when little kids are awake? Has there been a pattern of visits or no visits?

Politeness in any situation never hurts. A couple of years ago while driving, I was stopped by a babyfaced cop. Although I was probably 20 years older than he was, I marveled how the "Yes, sir"s just naturally rolled off my tongue. And I didn't get a ticket. Make eye contact. Remain calm and reasonable. The courtroom is the judge's kingdom. Treat this event with the respect and seriousness it deserves.

Deep breaths. Surround yourself with self-righteousness. You are correct and proper in what you are doing. Meet it head on. Do not back down. Do not make this seem less than what it is. Know in your heart that what you are doing is good for you, your children and maybe eventually your WH. Have a strengthing thought with you. Remember how you felt when they came to the door? Fear? The look on there faces? Pull that up if you start to waffle.

You must be strong and do this or it will come back to haunt you. As my DS says, "Face your fears!"

One other tip. Don't respond to her directly. No matter what lies she spouts. People get stupid and argue back and forth and it's very disrespectful to the judge. And never EVER interrupt the judge. Simply state the events that happened that night and allow the judge to decide if he/she has any questions. You may wish to write out some notes for yourself so that you can cover all the points. Of course also bring along any documentation you have of anything that may bear on the case.

I found this advice and it seems to cover the important points.

Do you have a friend who can come with you for moral support?

Dobie

Also, you have a RO against her, right? As soon as you get to that area, you may want to tell the nearest court officer about it and that you don't wish her to speak with you while waiting. Bring a copy.

Dobie

Dani,

Bring a portfolio with some paper in it. So you can take notes or at least appear to take notes. If you have a book bag or laptop bag, you could bring that also.

When I went to the RO hearing from another MBer, I was brought along for moral support and the fact that I served the RO paperwork on her WS. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I was asked by his family and his attorney, if I was the attorney. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> The BS had her own attorney and she showed up a few minutes later. Having me there kept an extra set of eyes out for anything the weenie WS might try to do. In her case, the OW was too chicken to show up and the WS was a weenie. I even spoke to his parents and allied some of their anamosity towards the BS (in her case WS' was a mama's boy and they didn't all the A details).

Also, do not make eye contact with the OW or WS. Have someone with you for support. Try not to attend this alone. Expect to be there several hours just to get maybe 10 - 20 minutes or so in front of the judge. The judge will not be interested in the emotional part of your case. He only wants the facts. Write down the facts with dates and times and mention that you have had e-mails and phone calls of further harrassment. Don't argue her facts if they are true. Simple acknowledgement is safer

Ex:
OW: BS yelled at me on this date: ___/___/___, I was scared.

Judge: Mrs. Dani, did you yell at the OW?

BS: Yes, your honor....while in duress (notice no buts).

Judge: Duress??? Please explain.

BS: This was not our first encounter. She would not leave my property after repeated requests to leave. She also made at least 5 threats against myself and my family.

Judge: Why did you not file RO or harrassment charges against OW?

BS: My husband advised me not to. Said it was not good to make trouble.

Judge: Hm..... ok, thanks for the explanation.

Answer the questions. Stay away from words like 'but'..... or other words that looks like you are making an excuse.


Keep an extra set of eyes watching the OW and WS. Have them report back to you. So maybe if 2 or 3 other persons could attend, one could sit with you and the other 2 could sit in the back and watch it all. Then meet later to go over what happened.

All the best,
L.

Okay...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (and no I don't feel better)

WHs command master chief called today to ask me if I had transfered the child support payment from WHs check today. I told him that yes I had. He said OK. Then he said that WH would probably go to Captains Mast about his punishment from the navy on Thursday or Friday. I thanked him for calling and said good bye.

About 30 minutes later I get another call from the ship. Assuming that it is him I answer the phone. It is WH. He says 'Will I see you tomorrow' I said 'yes' He then started to go on about how OW wants to move and I am the only thing holding her here because of court. He will move with her and marry her, blah blah. How if don't show up tomorrow I won't be in contempt of court. He said that if I do show up tomorrow I will be hurting myself because he will 'screw me over' in the end. He started in with how if I want the kids to have a Father in their lives, and if I don't want to sit in jail myself, then I better not go. I just hung up. ERRR.

Anyway, about the neighbor. She said that she would love to testify in person, but that she can't be there tomorrow due to some big thing in the Army she is doing. She said she would get me a statement of what she saw and that *I* did not bother her at all. OW is saying that *I* disturbed the neighbors too. I guess from what you are all saying a notarized statement is no good, so out that goes.
BLAH this stinks!!!

I have dates and times in my notebook and I will put that in my laptop case with the summons and such.

I feel like I am going to puke, this really sucks!!

Danielle

Danielle,

I remember going to court when my parents were sorting out custody and child support for me and my siblings. It's important to dress well (as other MBers have said), and also to only speak when the judge speaks to you. Don't interrupt anyone. The judge will see through WH and OW. And if he's not sure he'll ask you if it's true. I would imagine, though, that OW will be hard pressed to stay calm and cool if the judge starts asking a lot of questions. Let him rattle her - just don't get sucked in. Try to back up your statements where you can (police reports, RO papers). If you have a timeline in short form you can volunteer it to the judge when he first addresses you.

Good luck!

C

Dani,

Get your neighbor's statement and go with what you have. The recommendation is good NOT to speak until you are requested. Your demanor s/b professional.

You can state, this is process is all new to you but willing to work with the system. That shoudl score a few ponts. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Will you have legal representation with you?

Will any officer's show up in court as well? Even your neighbor oop?

As for the WS, sounds like he is getting desparate. If he wants the OW so much, heck, let him. You don't want t/b married to a WS anyway. It is your H you want, not this morphed creature. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Ok, go and do your best. You are standing up for youself and your family. If the WS wants to screw your family over, that is his choice and it could make life difficult for you. If you give into his selfish and unreasonable demands because you fear you are going to lose more, then he may still leave you high and dry.

BTW, the WS can use the OW's $$. AFter all isn't she suppose t/b better than you? LOL!!! NOT!!!

L.

In the quiet moments outside the courtroom, in the hallway, or while waiting seated inside the courtroom for your turn,

think of the MB'ers who are reading your story and praying for you.

You have prayer warriors lifting you up. People who have not ever posted to you, out of shyness, or slow keyboard skills, are praying for your good. Think of them as your invisible angels lifting you up.

You have gotten good advice on this thread. Don't worry, you will do just fine! You are the Momma bear defending your bear cubs. The Court will be mindful of the important job you have as the defender of your helpless babies.

The maudlin, drunken need of an absent father on the arm of his affair partner to kiss his sleeping babies - what a picture to paint in the minds eye of the Court! I hope the judge laughs the two of them right out of the building.

Use mental ju-jitsu tomorrow and OW will hang herself.

She is young, stuuupid, and having an A with a MM. She did something horrible. It is documented.

Bring your RO papers with you and make sure the guard at court when you enter, is notified she is NOT to be around you. Perceptions matter too...hence the proper dress, attitude, demeanor, etc.

Again, do not say anything or respond directly to OW.

Rememeber Joe Friday: Just the facts, Ma'am. That's what the judge wants.

My 1st court appearance was 2 years ago yesterday...yea, valentine's day. And I was professional. Went by myself. My attny and paralegal were present. No supporters though. I was sitting in the gallery waiting for my case to be called when I began feeling really alone. Horrible. Then I looked down at the seats ahead of me. Somebody who had sat right where I was sitting before had carved maybe with their car keys, or something, a cross into the wood. I focused on it and prayed and meditated until they called my name. It took me almost an hour. But our case was more complex...x squandered funds along with 0w2 in las vegas (bout 30k) and he was several mos. behind in support. And was holding funds out to basically illegally force me to sign his agreement...does anything sound familiar? (your wh saying if kids want a good dad, etc. then you don't go and pursue justice?) I kept my composure. Only once did a few tears fall down my face, but otherwise I was stoic. No wonder I have a high bp now....

But it will fly by. I promise you.

Stay cool. Stick to the facts . Prepare tonight a few rebuttals to questions like the ones posed by Orchid. Bring your neighbor's notarized statement. Bring your RO. Make sure it's evident to judge that SHE has posed a threat to you already. WEAR that ring. Show that it's an angry, evil OW out to get EVEN with the woman who showed her her ugly face in the mirror and her actions.

Justice will prevail if you keep cool, calm, and treat this just like a job interview. Also, if you can bring somebody with you, make sure that person dresses and acts appropriately and is also VERY respectful to the judge. Bringing notebook is a good idea b/c it will give you something to do and not allow you to blurt out or respond to OW false allegations or statements.

This should be pretty easy. I would make it clear to court this woman, in not very colorful language mind you, is your H's mistress. She and H were intoxicated, behaving wildly, and were loudly demanding at 11 pm, to see your children, AGES OF blank and blank (insert here). Reeiterate that they were intoxicated and that you were FEARFUL because of their belligerance (excellent word to use) and b/c they could have posed some harm to you. Say that "no DECENT parent shows up intoxicated at almost midnight demanding to see their children with their mistress on their arm." Say that you have RO against her already for this very altercation, and that you have notarized statement from your next door neighbor stating that OW's claims are false and you believe this to be about retaliation for OW having an RO placed against her. But try to not talk too much. Try however, to add a few of these points in, a little at a time, when the judge acknowledges you and asks you a question.

This should be pretty darn clear. Her words (a proven liar and adultress) against yours. Plus you already have RO.

We will keep you in our prayers and our thoughts.

Remember..mental ju-jitsu. Let OW use her own words and actions against herself. Don't offer to help her in any way.

Hi Dani,
I don't post often but I wanted to offer you my support and prayers for tomorrow. We all believe in you.

I want to leave you with one of my favorite versus one that has gotten me through many things.

Isaiah 40:31
"But they that wait upon the LORD
shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings as EAGLES
they shall run, and not be weary;
and they shall walk, and not faint"

I totally believe in checklists for something stressful.

Don't forget crucial things like:
</font>

• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Recordings of husband threatening you if you go to court against her.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">All other tangible evidence sent at their hands, including his e-mail about her abusing him.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Her RO against you SIX months later and only after she gets caught driving a drunken man to see his kids at 11 p.m. and starting something on your doorstep.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Get at least one witness there in person.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Lay out suit to wear</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">read scriptures in the a.m. - Psalms comes to mind - 23rd, and Romans 8:28</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Lock vehicle away in someone else's garage, or have a back up transport to court planned - expect to find flat tires, sugar in gas tank, etc. by way of husband sabotaging in order to protect OW from viscious wife. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /></font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

<small>[ February 15, 2005, 06:51 PM: Message edited by: KaylaAndy ]</small>

Absolutely the most important thing:

***TELL THE TRUTH***

A judge can smell a lie or an exaggeration a mile away. If you start bending the truth, it will bite you in the a**.

Sending tons of good thoughts your way, Dani!

Dobie

Thank you all for all of the prayers and encouragement!
I don't have much time to type, but I will post tonight and let everyone know what happened.

WH called my cell and left me a message saying 'Well I guess you are too busy to talk to me, I just wanted to call and hope you would say you weren't going today bye'

Sorry buddy, I will be there.

Wish me luck, I have to stand up to my fears...
To see my WH and OW talk crap about me, and see them stand there, TOGETHER!

Danielle

Your husband and his OW's actions were despicable. I'll tell you something right now: They are scared spitless of YOU. They are scared at the chain of events they unleashed that night, which led to a courtroom appearance. That is why your H is so desperately trying to get you not to appear.

They are two animals. What decent parent would allow those two slavering, self-indulgent, self-centered creatures to come into her home under the conditions they appeared? Not a one. You did the only thing you could do to protect your family and your home.

In nature, when animals mate and there are young from a previous mating, it is not at all unusual for the new mate to slaughter and eat the babies. Instinct (the basest kind) drives the new mate to destroy the bloodline, to erase from the gene pool all traces of the earlier young. That way the offspring of the new mate have the best chance to succeed.

There are no resources to split. All the energy goes into protecting and nourishing the new litter. The feelings of loss that the parent animal had upon the death of their young are funnelled into the mating ritual with the new mate, and into providing for the young of that pairing.

I'm not saying that either of the two of them consciously thought this all out or are even aware of this phenomenon in nature. I'm comparing their actions however to a pair of rutting animals ruled by instincts, feelings, and lowered inhibitions (alcohol.) The image I got was of the two of them ganging up on the remnant of your little family intent on invading the safety of your home.

I would go for an order to allow only supervised visitation for your husband. And a permanent restraining order against the woman.