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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 96
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 96 |
My WW and I went to a counselor about 2 weeks ago. She set up the appt. When asked why there I asked WW to start since she set it up. She said she had an A that had ended and she wanted a D "I think"
When I spoke, I corrected her in that the A was not over and that I didn't want a D. I also stated that I didn't think counseling would do us any good until she ended her A and had NC with OM.
The counselor agreed that she should end her A. He also asked if I would give WW a D if she wanted it. I said if she really wanted it I would but it was not what I wanted.
No new appt. was set up and now WW is going to counseling by herself.
I guess my question is Will counseling do us any good even if she is still involved in A?
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
It might do your marriage some good if this is a pro-marriage counselor, but I don't get the sense that is the case here. The MC might help in ending the affair, and you are right, the marriage can't recover until she ends the affair. Does she even WANT to recover the marriage, though?
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 96
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 96 |
Thanks for the reply. To answer your question-No, at this time WW does not seem to want to work on our M.
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,042
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,042 |
My H and I went to a MC back when this all started and he was still having the A and the counselor did absolutely no good, plus she was definately NOT pro-marriage. If the person you are seeing is not pro-marriage he/she could do more harm then good. Our counselor told my H he should move out if that is what he wanted. Not a very good way to save a M.
Now the A is over, he is back home and wants to work on the M. We have our first appointment tomorrow. I think we are both looking forward to it so we can begin our recovery and start to build a better stronger relationship.
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 96
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 96 |
Thanks again. I also feel a MC could do more harm than good at this time. However, my WW is currently been going to individual counseling(IC??). I don't know about this counselor. But I do feel this could be worse since I'm not even there. How do you find a pro marriage MC? Do you just ask.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Coasterride, if you want to get your money's worth instead of wasting your time and money, try the Harleys. They are not going to waste your time with nonsense; they will assess your situation and give you a plan of action. They can often do in 2-3 sessions what other counselors can NEVER do. They are action oriented and will give you your best chance at ending the affair and saving your marriage.
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 96
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 96 |
Yes, I'm sure the Harleys could be good. However, back to my original question. Will it do any good while WW is still involved with OM. Also, would it be better to go to MC together than for WW to have IC?
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