Well, after a great plan A(July-Oct, 2004, he was out of the house), my wh decided to move to FL with the ow to move her in. she was kicked out of the house, and I guess wanted to start a new life, states away. He lasted two weeks, and called and asked to come back. This was mid october. We started MC, but he never met the other conditions. He hid his cell, did not do a nc letter, and never seemed to be back emotionally. I guess I thought it was still fog and things would change..

Fast forward to this past week. Last week, he up and left. He lied and told me that he was going to see a friend, and he went to see her. I finally talked to him 3 days later and he confessed. He said he had to see why he continued to talk to her. During the time he was gone, I was able to access his phone records. He has talked to her almost everyday for the last 4 months. Sometimes 4-5 times a day, and sometimes between 20-90 mintues. And it is him calling as much.

He came back on Friday night(gone 4 nights). The weekend was a lot of crying, and confessing and everything. HE still says it is not her. He says he is not sure why he calls her. He loves me and knows that no one will love him the way I have. He says she just cares about herself and that she just enjoys him being around. He says that he always wanted me to be happy and that he is not making me happy. He is not sure if he can be the husband that I deserve. He says he will not end up with her, that if he leaves that he will not spend his life with her. I just do not get it. Why call her so much? Why do you want to ruin your life for someone you do not even think you will be with??

After last night, valentines day, I told him I know that she gave him another phone to use. I found the number. He says he is packing tonight and leaving. I am just worried where he will go. He has a part time job now. He lost his job over the affair. He has no money. He took about a 30, 000 pay cut. I have been providing everything the last few months. I am just scared that he will go down there with her because he has no job, and will just stay down there and find a job, plus she has a good amount of money from her husband when they seperated. Maybe not because of her, but he knows she will take him in. I know after the lies, and deceit, I should not care at this point, but I do.

I guess it is time for plan B. I will have to send all his bills, etc. to his mom. Let her deal with it. He says he will go there, which is about 5 hours away. I know he will go to OW.

I am a mess now. I thought things were different.

I will need to prepare the B letter?

Another thing is, that some times he says, he is not sure what he will do. I think he means that he will stay. I try to tell him that he is not happy and he needs to go find out what makes him happy. IF he says he is not leaving, I do not know what to do. I can not phyically force him to leave. We are in no way violent. I just think he is scared deep down, and knows. I guess I will have to set down conditions, and see if they can be met. If not, I know he will be frustrated and feel like I am asking too much, so he will leave. He is not one that likes to be forced, so he will have to learn on his own.

He hid his cell, did not do a nc letter, and never seemed to be back emotionally

Hiding cell phone and no NC is a HUGE RED FLAG...i am sorry you have to go through this so make sure there is NO next time...i went through 3 times.

Yes you need to prepare your plan B letter.

lovetoomuch, I very much agree that the answer is Plan B. I would ask him to leave and then once he is out, give him your Plan B letter. Have you considered what you will do if he refuses to move? Would he do that?

I know that they were red flags, I guess I was in the fog, thinking it would change, since she was physically gone.

ML- I do not think he would refuse to leave. It is just me getting the never up to ask him to leave. I just want to believe him so much, but I know I have to watch actions, not words. I know he can not change in 4 days and driving 10 hours away, to see her, with no notification. But when I talk to him, I see the old husband, that is what I have to stop doing..No he will not refuse to leave, I think he believes he can change things. It is not that easy. If he is not happy he needs to go find out what it is that makes him happy, and hopefully it is him wanting me and being committed totally to me...

I know what I have to do, it is just doing it. I hear it from my friends daily.

Should I send the plan B letter to ow when I am not sure if he is going there? I know the contact has continued.. but I do not think she would care about the letter. I have not said a word to her, even though I have had many chances. I know she does not care about me, so I know that it will not help..

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lovetoomuch:
<strong>
He says he will not end up with her, that if he leaves that he will not spend his life with her. I just do not get it. Why call her so much? Why do you want to ruin your life for someone you do not even think you will be with??

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He's addicted. It's like saying "I don't want to be a drug addict." No one wants to be a drug addict. But then he is still using the drugs.
Because he is addicted.

I told him that he was addicted and that as long as he talks to her, it will never get better. He agrees that he never gave us a fair chance. At least he sees that.

Should I send a plan B letter to her too? If he does not go down to live with her, I do not see the use.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He's addicted. It's like saying "I don't want to be a drug addict." No one wants to be a drug addict. But then he is still using the drugs.
Because he is addicted. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your right on.

Wannbophim ... I love that handle. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />