</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Tx-RN:
<strong>
And this AM, when I tell FWH I cannot go alone, he says I should?! WTH?! He says we have 3 kids who cannot miss more school, and I said "yes, but we have family and friends that can help"! This could be the finalstraw... if he can't get his head out of his A** long enough to support me right now, then I am so over this M! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OK, here it is..after I wrote that, WH (*yes, we are back 2
wayward H!) came home from his "errands" and I showed him two things.. an itenarary for the 2 of us 2 fly 2 MI for Dad's funeral and also the NC letter that I borrowed liberally from a link on one of Hosea's posts.
It kinda unraveled from there... WH first lays into me over the trip, says we
can't both go cause of the kids. Mind you, he never once asked me about making plans for them or even entertained the idea. Translation: I cannot give you the emotional support you need right now and not sure I even want to!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
Then I ask him about the NC letter... first he says "I don't think it is necessary, I told you I took care of it" then it turns into "I can't"!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Turns out he had just talked to the OW when he was out, he was very much still in the fog & very much still wanted to keep it all going! He was wanting his cake and icing! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Tells me he isn't sure if he can be what I need, isn't sure if "we" are going to work and he is confused!!!!!!!!!! (FTR: he had not had sex w/OW since I discovered the A and apparently had "only" been calling her periodically.)
OK, well the quote above... yep, I meant it and I finally had to put my money where my mouth is! I hate it, but I will NOT be just another option on his list! I
WILL NOT be one of his "girls" and I will not sit back and allow myself to be used or abused like this anymore!
I told him to leave, he refused, so I grabbed DD, 4 and DS, 11 (who was still home sick) and I
left. He begged, he cried, he pleaded. He weeped and wailed. I went to the bank and withdrew every cent I had (my acct, it is not joint). I drove to DD, 13 school and picked her up (used death in the family as the excuse, as it was true). I came back to our home briefly to get some things and my meds (have asthma and really can't just pick up w/o them). He wailed some more, hugged the kids (in the car, I did not drag them into this), weeped and carried on. Told him he loved them and would miss them. It was truly awful! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> He then told them they would come home to a clean house and a better man! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
We ended up going to FL (2 states and a 5 hr car trip away). I grewup down there and have that family friend down there. I just wanted to get away, and I needed time to think.
All the way there I had to endure calls from my (adopted) Mom who was put out that I didn't come there (it is
always about her!), from the brother who disowned me months ago after a fight where he threatened my life and from WH. I ended up turning the phone off for awhile! <sigh>
On the way DD, 4 had blood in her urine which meant she had started hemolyzing- breaking down her red blood cells too fast (she has a hemolytic anemia and hasn't had a crisis in over a year! Grr!) I was almost to my destination and did get off the interstate in GA but after a couple of miles still could not find the hospital so I got back on and continued on (this is an urgent thing, but not emergent, so no 2x4s please from anyone who might think I was endangering her!).
I called the friend and she sent me to a good children's ER. We were there for 3+ hours after being cooped up for 5+ in a car!! They put an IV & gave her fluids and IV antibiotics. She did very well, has been around needles since she was an infant and does so good...so proud of her! But GEEZ! How much can one person take???!!! The only way I got them not to admit her was I promised I was heading home today (this was all yesterday!)
I came home today, DD, 4 is doing very well, she compensates quickly. Will go to the peds again tomorrow to check her blood work to assure she is heading the right direction...WH was here even though I asked him not to be! All the times he called me I was LB like crazy! I even talked to OW and told her I have had enough of all their games! I am so done. Told him on the way I wanted a D, never told him that before, never told him that *I* was done w/ fighting for this M... that sent him straight to the pastor!
He said that he felt his life was spiraling out of control and he didn't know how to stop it and pastor was the only one he knew to call! Hmmmm, I wonder WHY your life is slipping away from you!!!? Sorry, tired and stillvery raw and angry!
My goodness! They are burying my father Friday and I can't even be there cause everything here is falling apart! I am furious with him!
On a slightly better note: WH took the NC letter to OW tonight, says it hit him hard when I said D... I told him he has said it alot to me and he said, "yeah, but you meant it!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Said whatever he feels for her, he can get over, but he cannot deal with loosing me or our family...OK, where the hel* have
you been the last 2 months?!
She ran after his car when he dropped it off and then immediately called him (he did not answer, he turned off the phone)!!!! OMG she is so totally
nuts! WTH do you expect when you take up w/ a M man?! Later she text pgd him "what am I supposed to do?" (ok, what part of NC are you not getting here girly?!) He texted back (w/my approval) NO CONTACT. She stopped after that, but I feel she is just regrouping.
Now I need to regroup... do I throw him out? Do I keep him here? Do I intercede if she contacts him again? I am well aware I am pretty much shot mentally here so am trying not to make any permanent decisions under such circumstances but I am not sure what I want anymore!!! He keeps saying he intends to honor his vows... yep, it is about dam**d time!
Oh yeah, did I mention I lost my dream job today? Yep, they called me bout in GA and said they couldn't take the "chance" and covered the 3 weeks I was supposed to... it had a very real potential to turn into a permanent job and I had been asking for it for over a yr!!! All they know is my Dad died and I left town, nothing else! After almost 4 yrs there and this is how I am treated... guess I am about to quit cause obvioulsy this is NOT where God wants me to be!
I CANNOT DO ANYMORE!!!
