Ok...I went to see my lawyer yesterday. I was so upset....
This is what my STBX is fighting for:

1. Full custody of our son
2. Order the house to be sold but he has the option to buy it.
3. He wants me to get life insurance on myself and name him as the beneficiary. ????
4. If he doesn't get full custody then he wants 50/50 which means I get no child support.

I was so upset! He is saying that he lives with his parents and they live a mile from his school. I live 5 miles from the school. My lawyer says that is to his advantage. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
I don't know what to do. I can't imagine that a judge would give my STBX custody when he is the one that left us. I don't trust ANYTHING these days. I can't live without my son.....help!!!
My lawyer told me not to worry about it...how do I do that?????
My lawyer said she's never heard of a H asking the W to get a life ins. policy in a divorce. What is he doing? Is he going to have me killed???? I just don't understand all of this!!!!!!!
Any advice?????

<small>[ March 03, 2005, 08:35 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

Ok Tree... calm down... deep breaths...

First your lawyer is right. Don't worry about it. Educate yourself on what the reality of the situation is. Talk to your lawyer about other cases in your state similar to yours and what the outcome is. I don't think there is anyway he'll get what he wants.

The life insurance thing does make some sense. My WW each of life insurance on ourselves payable to the other. This is to protect the KIDS if one of us should die. Its basically to cover child support that would be paid if one spouse was left with all of the care of the children through death. Think of it not for your crazy WH but for your kids. He should also have a policy payable to you though.

Try to not let the legal stuff bug you too bad. Maybe after he finds out how much its going to cost him and that he has no hope in h!ll of getting what he wants he'll back down.

Miker

Do you have proof that he is not living with his parents but in fact with OW? Where does your Son go when he stays with him? Lying to the court is not a good thing, if you can prove that he lied in court documents that will look VERY favorable for you. You have all his crazy e-mails and prove he is having an A and left you and your Son. He will hang himself by what he is doing. Let your lawyer handle this, just sit back and watch the show.

Stay strong!

Let your lawyer take care of it. You worrying about it won't change anything.

As far as life insurance -- good thing, yes he should have one too. Maybe you can compromise, get a policy with your son as beneficiary, and someone you trust as the trustee of that money? That is what I am going to propose in my situation. (I'll ask my brother to be the trustee of my life insurance policy and assets should I die with my kids as bene's).

50/50 does NOT always mean no support. Check out your states information on that. I know in my case it does reduce it based on time, but not eliminate it. (most states calculation is based on income, with % applied to each parent -- the one who "owes more" based on that, pays the other). Your expenses don't reduce much just because he's spending an extra few days a month with his dad.

I must say that I think states are still pretty much in favor of the mother. I know a good friend of mine did what your X is doing -- sued for full custody (expected 50/50) but ended up with "standard" visitation (and the ex wife in this case was off her rocker).

H can ask that you be ordered to wear a potted petunia on your head ... don't mean nuthin.

asking ain't gettin

Why get all excited over stupid nonsense.

Live a transparently good life ... and shine the facts and the truth upon this situation.

Pep

Hi Tree!

Been following your story and you are doing great. Hang in there.

Just a thought on the beneficiary thing...

What I did was make my children the beneficiary, however, the money goes into a trust fund (since they are under 18) that a third party controls/approves pay outs, etc. My mother is the third party in my case. I needed someone strong that would be able to say no to my XH should he ask for more $ than necessary for ordinary care of my kids.

Take care.

sss

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Pep says:
H can ask that you be ordered to wear a potted petunia on your head ... don't mean nuthin.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">TREE, that's right <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Don't mean nothin'

And come on, you didn't expect him to say he didn't want Cam in writing did you? Of course he wants him.

And yes he wants to limit his exposure to child support. Then he will have more $$ of OW. Of course he wants you out of the house. Cheaper mortage/rent = cheaper CS payments for him.

When you buy a car, the salesman says $30,000, you don't freak out you, you bargain.

Most of Florida Law is cut an dry on CS and property division. Alimony can vary widely. Custody rarely goes from primary care giver unless that person can be "proved" unfit. So don't flip out. Let your attny handle it.

Thanks to all of you for your advice...

Pep...you're right (once again)...no need to freak out. He can ask all kinds of stuff...doesn't mean he'll get it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I feel better after reading all the responses. I am a good mom and I highly doubt the court will say I don't get custody and my STBX does.

I don't know how to prove that he lives with the OW. I need to ask my lawyer about hiring a P.I> to prove he lives with her. Don't know if it will make a difference.
Don't have much time to write right now....need to get dinner ready...I'll be back.

Thanks to all of you for your advice...

Pep...you're right (once again)...no need to freak out. He can ask all kinds of stuff...doesn't mean he'll get it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I feel better after reading all the responses. I am a good mom and I highly doubt the court will say I don't get custody and my STBX does.

I don't know how to prove that he lives with the OW. I need to ask my lawyer about hiring a P.I> to prove he lives with her. Don't know if it will make a difference.
Don't have much time to write right now....need to get dinner ready...I'll be back.

Tree-

OMG, he just never ever ceases to amaze me....what the hell is that boy smokin?

Yeah, see if a P.I. is the way to go....cuz you need to prove he lives with OW. Don't agree to 50/50.....Agree to you having custody and him having visitation. DEFINITELY give all that crazy *** e-mail to your lawyer. I mean the judge should see that he's unstable.

Hang in there hon.

-Caren

<small>[ March 03, 2005, 08:40 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

Since when and in what state is living with ones parents (no matter how close to the school) a good thing? I don't know where you live Tree, but here in CA, it's almost impossible for a man to get full custody of his children unless his STBXW has serious issues. And on the 50/50 custody - no CS thing, here in CA alot of people get 50/50 custody and CS is still paid to the spouse with the lower income. FYI.

I have a hard time believing the courts will even consider awarding custody to a parent who does not even have his own place to live.

Hey Trish:

I have a great idea! How about you, OW and WH all remortgage the house and live together. Invite his family to live w/you - heck - hers too. You could have a weekly Bible-Study, weekly HNHN study, and you & OW could be best-friends. Somehow I feel that WWH (whacky wayward husband) would think that's workable! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I just went through D in Florida court in Nov. If your attorney is at all competent; you have nothing to worry about. NA-DA! Assuming that he makes more $$ than you; court will add your salary and WH's together, divide the total in half and you will get the difference between your salary and 1/2 of the combined total. (Net amount to each of you is then equal) As to CS; I think I recall that DS attends private school that WH parents own. Is that correct. So school should continue to be at NC, and if attorney is sharp, there will be no consideration for credit to WH for tuition. After all, DS is WH's child too. (Sorry to say:()

Tell attorney to get aggressive as well and let attorneys battle it out.

Lastly; expect to be continually surprised by WH's choices, actions, etc. Don't give the poor &#$@*%$ the satisfaction of making you sweat.

Good Luck! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

FR

Caren...he must be smokin some kind of alien pot! LOL! He's crazy!!!!!!!

RacerX...I just don't like the idea of 50/50 custody. I think that is so unstable for a child. I didn't leave this marriage and my son so I don't want to be away from him. I just hate all of this.

dewt...I agree...I can imagine them giving him full custody.

Fishracer....LOL...can you even imagine all of us living in the same house? Yikes!!!!
I finding that he never ceases to amaze me. I never thought he would cheat on me and absolutely never thought that he would try to take my son away. He has proven to be a real *******!!!!
My lawyer is getting aggressive...thank goodness. She's pretty tough and doesn't put up with much. She said that when we go to mediation and if I don't feel good about everything then she has no problem with getting up and walking out and letting a judge decide. I don't want it to get to that because then you really don't know what's going to happen but at least my lawyer is letting me decide what I want and will back me on it.

<small>[ March 03, 2005, 08:39 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

Tree,
I have not posted to you, but have followed along a bit.

First off, RELAX, don't lose the fight before you start it.

Do you have a good attorney? Do you trust her? This is why you pay her, let her do the stressing.

Re: life ins. You both should have some with the child as the beneficiary, and a mutual agreed upon person(Godparent?) as power of attorney for child untill 18.

The house, well, most states require the courts (CPS) to investigate the houses the child may live in to make sure it passes muster. They also take into consideration the stability of the home enviroment. As for your STXH, living with his parents isn't all that stable, ie; how long before he gets his own place, where does he plan on moving, what about the childs friends, school,Does his job allow quality time, (they seem to look more at this for the fathers). Moving, especially during a D, is very traumatic for a child.
It sounds like he is just trying to force you out of the house so he can get it. He moved out, and the courts will probably take this into consideration, How long have you had possesion?
So, I think you are pretty safe.

So if you stop and think about entire situation, you will come to realize, things are more in your favor, and should give you a little more comfort in the whole thing.

Remember, most of the stuff he is requesting is to get at you. only you. If he thinks he will get this, it would actually scare him off. Nobody really thinks this stuff out. That is what attorneys are for.

So, RELAX a little, and DON'T FORGET TO BREATH!!!

Have a great day tomorrow

hurtnheart.....
I do feel much better. I was thinking about it last night. I truly can't imagine that a judge would grant my STBX custody. I do trust my lawyer and she is fighting for me. All I can do is give it to God and know that things will work out for me.
The most important thing is that my son knows that I love him with all my heart and I'm doing the best I can to make a happy life for him.
He's my life and I will do whatever it takes to surround him with happiness. He deserves it!

As to proving where WH lives, the courts could ask your Son where he stays when he goes to visit his father. If he says OW's house that's a pretty good indication as to where WH is living.