Hi Kyellow4, I wanted to show you a part of one of my posts on the Recovery board. I had hoped to add it to your previous post on the subject but I couldn't find it. But I wanted to give credit where it was due. Thank you kyellow! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />


Our valentine's day went OK I guess. I cooked dinner for her, salad,some cornish game hens, pesto tortelini (sp). Put the kids to bed at 8:30 and gave her gifts. A box of chocolate (don't know why I do that, she rarely eats any, but the box was pretty..lol) a nice card that really fit us, a bottle of Patron tequila (her favorite) and the movie "The notebook" (chick flick) Lit the fireplace, turned out the lights and popped in the movie. After the movie I got her drunk with the Patron and took advantage of her in front of the fireplace!

I'm not sure how it happened (probably the tequila) but in the afterglow the A came up. We layed in front of the fire and talked for almost 2 hours about it. We talked about things lost in our M because of the A that could never be restored. It was sad. Then we talked about the the "why" it happened again. As with almost all WS our answers change all the time. *Don't fret BS, this is only due to the fact that the reasons change in our own minds as we discover ourselves.* For months I have let her believe (as I believed) that it was due in part to her neglect of me (which in hindsight was very minor). She has always hated this answer because she felt like she was the perfect wife and couldn't do any better than she had been. How could she prevent it from happening again if she was the best she could possibly be.

Well last night in front of that fireplace I voiced something I realized a few weeks ago (due mostly to a post by kyellow4 in GQ2) and possibly knew down deep all along and I bit the bullet. I took complete ownership of what I had done. It had nothing to do with her. She was infact the perfect wife. The kind of wife every man dreams of having. Nothing she could have reasonably done would have prevented it. Facing this fact has added guilt that I will need to process in the coming months or years, but doing so lifted a heavy burden from her I'm sure. In the end she smiled at me. This morning she thanked me for a wonderful Valentine's night.

Hi SISF, nice positive post. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Just to let you know that KY is on vacation this week (visiting a mouse in FLA) so if you don't get a reply straight away, that will be why.

Jen

<small>[ February 15, 2005, 01:56 PM: Message edited by: KiwiJ. ]</small>

Thanks Jen, I appreciate you letting me know. Maybe if you remember when she gets back to bump this up for her. I really want her to read it and I don't spend a lot of time over here. Thanks.

Sleepless

SFS: I'm sure Jelly will be proud of you. You done good. Thanks for the positive notes and keep up the good work.

RH

I see your back and wanted to bump this up.
Thanks again! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Yes, I am back thanks for the bump. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'm not sure which part I enjoyed most on this thread, the chocolate, the title(I love when it is all about me) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> the taking advantage of, the kudos, the chocolate, the Tequila, the chocolate, your personal milestone, the chocolates, Doh, I guess it would have to be the chocolate. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> As with almost all WS our answers change all the time. *Don't fret BS, this is only due to the fact that the reasons change in our own minds as we discover ourselves.* </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is exactly true, for months I had been going through so many changes in my thinking, finally, I got it. I'm thrilled beyond words that my thread helped you and that you "got it" That is what I was hoping for, just one person to be helped would fill me with joy. I'm so happy for you and for your wife.

The BS knows all along who should be held accountable, it is the messed up WS who doesn't get it, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> so when we can finally acknowledge this and take ownership, I think it is a huge relief to the BS and forgiveness is much easier to obtain, and a giant step in the recovery direction for the marriage. You gave your W a beautiful gift. If you read my thread, you read how many BS appreciated it. My heart breaks for those who just don't get it, and their spouses.


Now I'm going to take something from your post, a nice romantic evening by the fire, with Tequila, my darling H, and of course, chocolates, your night sounded perfect to me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I really believe it is a pivotal moment for a WS to completely realize that this was their choice no matter what the M looked like. They need to have total accountability, no finger pointing, it is then that they can figure out the why's to their choices, and make the proper changes to their character.

Thank your for the thread, you made me smile.

Oh, and RH and Kiwi, thanks my friends. You guys are the best. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Rx, that is apart of the Idiotville support, it is amazing.

Ky