The other day I was talking to my dad who does not know about my h affair and we started talking about a mutual friend. Dad made the comment that this guy used to be so proud of what his wife was doing and was such a good guy. His wife then left him for her business partner. Since that time he became a major alcohilic. How easy that would be to do. Just starting out with alcohol taking the edge of the pain off so you can sleep, or get through the day with the kids or your job. I want to encourage everyone not to turn to alcohol. This mans life has been in shambles because of the alcohol. Your spouses affair is horrible, but don't let their poor decisions determine who you are going to become. You are a great person with so much to offer! Find some other way to cope through the tough days and then start building yourself up! Don't let this destroy you!

Derby...<P>When I found out about my H's affair, I became a major insomniac. I bought wine and drank it just to help myself sleep. Although it did help, and I am NOT an alcoholic, I realized that alcohol would only bring more problems so I stopped that route.<P>My H is an alcoholic and our therapist said that the alcohol is the ROOT of the problem. His affair is a result of the downward spiral that he chose to go on.<P>Both of us no longer drink and now we focus on our problems with clear & open minds. I encourage others to NOT turn to alcohol...it only magnifies the problem.

I never was a drinker (the kind of person who had a strawberry daquiri when out with the girls), but I have gotten to the point in my life where any alcohol makes me feel sick so I don't drink at all. There have been so many times in the past year when I have wished that I could drink because I thought it would have numbed the pain somewhat. I know this is not true, but the desire to escape was so strong! <P>I do have to admit that I have taken smoking back up after having quit 11 years ago. I think I will be able to give this up when I am ready, but in the meantime I know it is bad for my health. I also take antidepressants and antianxiety drugs, but an occasional cigarette seems to take the edge off of my anxiety. (M&Ms help too!) <P>I agree that alcohol would cause even bigger problems added to those of recovering from infidelity, but I can see how big the temptation could be.<P>It is all so illogical and unfair - my H has an affair, so I end up taking psychiatric drugs and smoking while he has gone on a health kick. <BR>

The night I forced my H to disclose the affair I got horribly drunk, the next night after that as well. I said some really rotten things and was a terrible depressed drunk for those two days. I also thought about taking up smoking again only because he said he never wanted me to and I wanted to hurt and lash out at him. But then I realized what I was doing and how it's not going to hurt him at all, only me! I am glad to say in the past 6 months I rarely drank anything more than a couple of glasses of wine in a given evening with friends. I now have given up wine altogether due to the baby and I know I really hate the taste of cigarette smoke!!! <BR><P>------------------<BR>Chick's<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<BR>

no alcohol is not the answer, but a little vacation from the pain is mighty tempting. sometimes i wish i could take a "happy pill" and have four hours of fun/no pain. i have gotten little vacations from the pain by reading a really absorbing book like Peretti's, or grisham. but i have run out of ones that are absorbing enough. work was good, but now i am only teaching part time and homeschooling, and home definately is not distracting enough to not sink down, down, down....what do you all do to "escape"?

no alcohol is not the answer, but a little vacation from the pain is mighty tempting. sometimes i wish i could take a "happy pill" and have four hours of fun/no pain. i have gotten little vacations from the pain by reading a really absorbing book like Peretti's, or grisham. but i have run out of ones that are absorbing enough. work was good, but now i am only teaching part time and homeschooling, and home definately is not distracting enough to not sink down, down, down....what do you all do to "escape"?

I hadn't had a drink in 5 years until I met my W. She's into tasting fine wines, so I started driking wine with her so we could share this experience. Big mistake! Now when we fight I tend to drink to take the edge off the pain and escape. Not a lot. I don't get drunk, just pleasantly high, and never start before 7 PM. Also go for long periods (when we're not fighting) without drinking. I sometimes get VERY depressed thinking about our situation with my W's affair and her continuing to deny it to the bitter end (despite recent repeated confrontations). I do find alcohol can offer some escape from all this. I've tried anti-depressants and, frankly, I find I prefer alcohol. The only problem with it is that it's not socially acceptable to use it this way for this purpose. BTW, my definition of alcoholic is someone who can't control their intake, drinks more or less continuously, gets falling-down drunk, etc., etc. I've met real alcoholics and know the difference between "heavy drinking" and alcoholism.<P>--Wex