Just a quick question - CJ brought it up earlier..Am I allowing my anger to take over my thought processes? I have np desire for my WW harm, but I have virtually lost all care for her. Is there something I should be looking for? Even my plan A (while not using LBs, hs just become civil, and I don't feel that I am depositing ENs - just being a good, freindly neighbor) How can I change my behavior - or is the Love Bank so empty that all that is left is my desire for my kids?

David

<small>[ February 16, 2005, 03:53 AM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>

Have you read the 5 stages of grieving a BS goes through? It is in my sig link.

About this time, is when the BS has to acess their situation and if the WS is still the WS and the BS is done with their plan A improvements, then plan B s/b a viable and welcomed option.

JMHO,
L.

Yes, Orchid - I've read the stages you've posted in your signature. I am just puzzled by my lack of concern - it's like she's a stranger and I am not sure I care what hsppens to her. Is it time for plan B? I dunno - that's supposed to perserve the love I have and let it fade away until either she changes or I lose alll love & plan D is easily handled.

Maybe I need to see her again and see what happens....

David

Sounds like you need to go to plan B. The scary question is: R U ready?

Plan B itself is NOT scary. BS' are just so distrusting that most get queezy at the thought of plan B.

Many find it a welcomed relief after they are so stressed about going to plan B.

Remember these plans are to help you heal. If it does have a postive impact on an Xws, then fine but if not, move forward.....heal that BS. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Orchid:
<strong> Sounds like you need to go to plan B. The scary question is: R U ready?

Plan B itself is NOT scary. BS' are just so distrusting that most get queezy at the thought of plan B.

Many find it a welcomed relief after they are so stressed about going to plan B.

Remember these plans are to help you heal. If it does have a postive impact on an Xws, then fine but if not, move forward.....heal that BS. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">O - I'm torn. Right now, never hear from WW - like she's pulled her own plan b - lol. I had been calling her, TMing her, IMing her often just to see how she was, to say hi, send love, etc., but the resonses were always so random - fogged that I never knew what I was going to get back, and someone suggested that I let her do the contacting, let her chase me if she wanted to.

Well, apparently she really doesn't want to - not even calls to the kids. I'm going to have to have the kids start calling her again to say goodnight - it's not fair to them (not that I would ever stop them from calling if they wanted to). But they need to hear from her.

I don't know about plan B - things are so weird I can't seem to think straight - guess I'll keep studying the Plan and come up with an answer over the weekend. Just wish this was over.

My heart tells me she's gone - this will end with a D, so I suppose I need to plan B soon. Gotta heal at some point.

Oh - one more important point - I think the OM has 'moved on.' Can't be sure - but from the way she talks, most of her 'friend' have pretty much abandoned her. I wish to God thaT i could have a real talk with W - guess I'm too confused but do anything but ramble...

David

<small>[ February 16, 2005, 10:51 AM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>

Good morning David,
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> but I have virtually lost all care for her. Is there something I should be looking for? ? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do you think maybe your just tired of the rollercoaster of emotions and just want to feel nothing? A person can only take so much.

I am starting to get to that point in my situation. I have days that are just as bad as Dday and then a few good days because I haven't "caught" him contacting OW. Then I find out again that he did and it just starts all over!!
At some point you have to say enough is enough and I'm almost right there with you David. take care!!

David,

Stand still while you read this post..... THWACK!

OK now pay close attention to the following:

The reason why you are in such despair is BECAUSE of your CONTINUED contact attempts. NOW you are contemplating doing the same to the children.

Your W needs to miss the family. You are NOT giving her that opportunity as long as you all keep calling.

You NEED t/b in plan B but you should be there when your heart and mind are in sync. This is hard to see when you are in the middle of it all but this is where your trust needs to kick in big time. It has to balance your heart which can't believe your W and mother of your children c/b so cold-hearted.

What is it going to take to convince you she is still a WS? With or w/o an OM, the WS still exists. In fact w/o an OM, she c/b more on the rampage. For women, rejection can send them to depths which make them horrible.

You and your family must distance yourselves from the WS. Only allow your W back into your lives. Right now she is NOT your W. She is a WS and is angry that her greedy need can not be met how and when she wants.

Stop feeding the WS!!!!!

Whew! Ok, you can resume your regular activity. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> You know this is said because we care, right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

L.

Hi O - You probably know I run mainly on emotions. ENFP and all that. It's the moving to to the rational thing that is so danged hard.

Needed the 2x4. Got one from someone else earlier, too, in a different way. I guess I am going to plan B - it's the only way I can see myself getting ready for the inevitable D, which I can see on the horizon - after a phone call from her this morning, I realized she has no intention of coming back. So, OM or not, I need safety.

But how do I minimize the damage to the kids?

David

<small>[ February 16, 2005, 03:49 PM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>

Whew! Ok, you can resume your regular activity. You know this is said because we care, right? mometary t/j...Orchid you crack me up! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Ok, David..back to you.

{{David}}} sisterly hugs from a fellow mb'er. Let go and let her fall my dear. Be there for your children and take care of you. You minimize the damage to the kids by taking care of yourself and their day to day needs. You assure them mom loves them and you love, that they are not the cause of the problem.

Just had a talk with WW. Not really worried about OM being there or not, recognized the FOG anyway:

"love is not forever...it comes and goes"

Went into how much work she had out into our marriage, I didn't enter the conversation, just let it go. But I did talk a bit about boundaries. And I probably went too far, but I told her I don't see much chance of this marriage surviving, expecially without working on it. I told her some time ago that I'd never lie to her again (bad LB in the past). I don't know how she'll deal with that - guess I'll find out, but I don't see it working out.

Working on a Plan B letter right now. Will need help editing it. Especially if there's no OM in the picture right now...I'm just tired of being the entire cause of all of our marital problems, and I won't take the blame for that anymore.

David

<small>[ February 16, 2005, 05:09 PM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>

Well, F*** the idea of the OM being gone. Great. She can hurt me so bad. I FRIGGING HATE THIS.

She calls me because she's trying to set up wireless networking at her new 'home'. I tried to help, but couldn't get anywhere - have to be there to do the setup and she won't let me know where she lives.

Then she says, "Oh well, *OM* can do it.....of course, I won't do that.....ha ha ha..."

Like H*** she won't. I'm sorry about the language, but I am not in a happy mood right now.

All damned day she's pushed at me. I cannot take this any longer. Plan B letter will be posted either tonight or tomorrow. At least I haven't seen her in days. Makes it easier.

How can you go from feeling great to feeling totally useless and awful in 2 seconds? Why this pain? I know this M is over - why can't I get that into my damned heart????

Davidiot

<small>[ February 16, 2005, 06:31 PM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>

David -- want to chat? I'm on line.

David,

Deep breath...

Email me your instant messenger name so we can chat.

Keith

David,
sorry about previous question. If you did want to chat my WS signed me off computer and is in a tizzy right now. Cant chat but take care.

Suzy

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by suzychapstick:
<strong> David,
sorry about previous question. If you did want to chat my WS signed me off computer and is in a tizzy right now. Cant chat but take care.

Suzy </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Wondered what happened...am curious, but will wait...

David

Hi David,

I think he went outside to smoke a cigar. I am not sure. thanks for responding. Oops, he's back.

Good lord, after reading Caren's harsh first few days on Plan B, I am sitting here in shock. I'm just wondering, if Caren's WH can flip and turn so frightening....what can my WW do? Geez. Maybe I should take the kids on a vacation somewhere for a while..............My WW can be a MEAN b****.....