I feel like that right now. I am tired of crying. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

The OW can do to that stupid site and feel sorry for the other OW when they break up with their MM. She can understand their pain and hurt. YET she happily and willingly participates in a realationship with a MM that is hurting a family so deeply. I guess it's ok to hurt others as long as THEY are happy.

I love my husband and I know he loved me. I know that once he decides to do NC with the OW he will see that we can have a happy marriage one that we both dreamed of at one time. But until he decides to do that he is not the man I know. He was always loving, responsible, caring and so wonderful. Now I am so depressed because we have cellphone bills every month over 500.00. Money that we don't have. And I am left with the pressure of all of this yet I am told to not let things bother me or to stop being a baby.

Maybe if I would just not be around anymore...Maybe that will make them happy once and for all. Sorry just feeling down and have nobody to really turn to anymore.

You know the funny thing is I was told she reads my posts here sometimes. I have read some of her posts on gloryb some of the things she says I know she wants me to know just to get to me. Yet there is so many things I could say that would hurt her or make her sad. Yet I don't because I am not stooping down to her level. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ February 23, 2005, 04:59 PM: Message edited by: New&ImprovedMarylandLady ]</small>

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

<small>[ February 16, 2005, 07:07 PM: Message edited by: New&ImprovedMarylandLady ]</small>

I am sorry that you are having such a hard time. I think we all think at times that 'giving up' would be so much 'easier'. In reality, IMO, even if you told yourself that you 'gave up' the pain and hurt would still be there.
What is gloryb?
The OWs will do anything to get you upset. My WHs OW does it too. It is sad the immaturity of these people.

On a happier note, how is your baby doing? Give your baby a kiss and bless your heart. I hope tomorrow brings a better day.

Danielle

Hey...its okay

You will get better later...this is a process right?

What plan are you in by the way? Are you in plan B?

Take care and a big hug is going out to you
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

The baby is WONDERFUL. She is growing so fast. I just got her pictures taken last week. She use to look just like my husband now she looks a lot like our younger son. She is beautiful. Full of smiles from the time she wakes up till the time she falls asleep.But it seems like I can't even enjoy her.

I am looking into getting some IC to help me deal with everything.

I see many positive things happening lately. Yet it's like a roller coaster everyday. Sometimes every hour. When things start to go well something happens and we go back to square one. Yet I know I may feel like this now. I know I can never give up on my family, me or my husband.

You don't post much anymore about what's going on at home, so it's hard to give you any helpful advice.

I think I've prolly identified the OW from the info that you had posted before. Was she "slightly sick over the weekend"? If so, she's pathetic, particularly in light of the fact that you know where she posts and she's doing it anyway. That is cruelty with premeditation.

I find it sad that a girl so young could throw away all the meaningful things in life with both hands. Things like integrity and honor really do end up being more important later on in life than a youngster would think.

All I can say to you without knowing more about your situation is to consider the source of your information. If you KNOW she's posting things on that board just to get under your skin....consider the fact that she's doing it deliberately.

Hang in there.

I have been doing things for myself lately. I look better than ever. I have lost about 30 pounds since last year. I now buy little sexy things to wear. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Things I was to insecure to buy before.I have been working out. My hubby is taking a class in a few weeks to become a personal trainer and he plans on helping me with my routine. I am looking for a job and also helping him find one closer to home so the commute isn't so bad. I have been trying to stay busy and trying to keep my mind off things. Yet there are times I get really really down and don't feel like going on.

Hay sorry to hear you are down. I'm not doing too well myself. Must be something in this MD air.

I feel a little better this morning. Doesn't help that I am pmsing. I just feel so moody. And I get very emotional aroundt his time. Seems like it's gotten worse since I had kids and that time comes. Maybe I need to talk to my doc about that.

I read your post. I am sorry that things didn't go so well. Sometimes I think these men want us to just forget they did these things and move on and be happy. When we went to MC I was also let down. When I would bring up the OW he would just say that she was just someone he talks to. Making it seem like no big deal. He even told the MC that he knew he was searching for happiness in another person and that was wrong. That he had to find happiness by other means. She told him that if he didn't work through this that even if he gets into another relationship with OW or another than he would be back in the same chair he was in today. He said he knew but he still is going down the same destructive path.

I think things will get better the more you go and the more you talk. Nothing will be resolved in one session. But in time I am sure he will start to see how much he has hurt you. And the more your MC gets to know both of you the more input he/she can give.

I remember when Bruce left for about a month to move in with his sister saying he needed time to work on his ideas. It was rough. I remember how much I needed his help but he pretty much didn't care. I remember being 8 months pregnant on Halloween and walking the kids around in the dark by myself because he choose to stay with the OW a extra day. He choose her over his children. And he does this over and over and over. Yet she brags about him being with her, buying things for her and spending time with her. Yet his kids barely get time with him at all.

She often will say how everyone needs time away from their kids. Yes that is true but not time away to go be with their mistress. He doesn't know how much he has hurt me yet he often will tell me sorry over and over and over. Yet to believe his sorry his actions will have to follow to prove he actually is. You may not hear that your husband is sorry YET. But you do have him there with loving actions and willingness to get help. Hang in there sweetie I am sure things will get better the more you go to MC.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by New&ImprovedMarylandLady:
I have read some of her posts on gloryb some of the things she says I know she wants me to know just to get to me. [/QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do not go and read that stuff.

I had heard about that site and I was curious so I went to take a look recently. Now bear in mind H and I are almost 5 years into recovery...the OW`s are LONG gone out of our lives so I was able to read that stuff objectively.

I read some of the forums and I read some of the personal profiles and my overall impression was alot of UNHAPPINESS....

If you can get past the BS bashing....that is what comes across...frustration, unhappiness and defensiveness. Even between the members.

What I read didn`t anger me, it made me sad for them.

In otherwords you WILL never find ANYTHING positive or uplifting over there. You will never find logical answers there. An OW site...what could be logical and uplifitng about that?

I know you are curious especially if your OW is there...but you have NOTHING to gain from reading her posts. In fact at the stage you are at right now you have alot to lose from reading there.

It`s bringing you down right? It`s not furthing your self improvement efforts right? It is making you feel bad. That`s not what you need right now. You need to fill your mind with positive thoughts, read what positive people have to say....like the good folks here.

Don`t go back there. That site hold no answers and no help for you.

<small>[ February 17, 2005, 08:47 AM: Message edited by: Daisy37 ]</small>

I agree I should not be reading there. Actually I read there way before she posted there. Sometimes just to see how these OW really think. What makes them so willingly go along with a man that they know is lying to everyone. But I guess they make themselves believe that the man does not lie to them. And don't see the fantasy man they created in their own heads. It's not helping my self right now and I do have to stop.

I see a lot of unhappiness there also. Women trying to make themselves feel good for something they know isn't right. If these women were dating a single guy would they willingly allow the man to live with another woman? They go there and brag about how the man makes them feel yet know that to feel the way they are feeling they are huring many others. And don't seem to give a care.

You know all the things she described about my husband he did for me. Especially the three years that we dated. Contant calls, singing to me, little gifts, going out of his way to make me happy, making me feel special and so on. But she truly believes the line that he never loved me, wasn't happy, made a mistake. Even the one that our childrent were unplanned or unwanted. How could they be unplanned if we never used protection both times I got pregnant? We both agreed if it happened it happened. And it did. And if any of my children were unplanned that doesen't mean they are unwanted. They are always wanted by me. They are my world.

I am sorry I am just venting at the moment. And LadyJ you do have the right person. I am trying to just stay away from there and focus on making myself happy and get things done that will make my life better for my kids and me. My husband admits what he is doing is wrong. But at this point he is so addicted to the whole situation he cannot stop. Until then he will continue to go down the destructive path he is going. And it's up to me to protect myself and our children. Because right now he is not doing his job as a husband or a father of protecting us from hurt, pain and his actions. He is wrapped up in his own little world to even see us. And that is sad. But even now I do see many positive things happening. At times he still is the wonderful man I married. And that gives me hope that things CAN change. But until he breaks free from the OW nothing will change and we cannot take any steps forward.

Also I agree about having positive thoughts. I started reading a book about a month or so ago about the power of feelings and positive thinking. It's helped a great deal but lately I have let the negative thoughts bring me down. Now I just need to push them out and stay away from that site. And find things that will make me happy and help with my own personal recovery.

When I thought positive and focused on that many many positive things happened. And I felt actually happy again. Now I need to get back to that mindset again.

I feel somewhat better. I do have a lot on me right now. Just trying to find a way to be positive and get stronger. I lost myself somewhere in all of this mess. Now I need to focus on finding the real ME again.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by New&ImprovedMarylandLady:
<strong> I feel somewhat better. I do have a lot on me right now. Just trying to find a way to be positive and get stronger. I lost myself somewhere in all of this mess. Now I need to focus on finding the real ME again. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You need a plan...An actual concrete plan that you can follow the steps one by one.

Now it sounds like you do have some steps laid out already...the weight loss/training and the search for employment would be steps in a plan.

Now another part of this plan would be to get yourself into a positive functioning frame of mind. Set up your circumstances BOTH mentally, financially and physically so that you be able to care for yourself and your children BY YOURSELF if need be.

Another part of this overall plan would be to show your H just how wonderful life with you can be...a plan A. Meeting the needs, avoiding LBs and DJ`s ect...

But the last part of this plan...the part of plan you must be prepared to follow through with IF YOU NEED TO...would be the plan B. You do know what Plan B is?

WS`s often do not "get it" until they are faced with the loss of their family. They will string along the BS and the OP as long as the BS ALLOWS them to.

The idea of a plan B is frightening for the BS however more often than not Plan B is what it takes to push the WS off the fence.

This is what it took to get my WH off the fence...and I didn`t need to actually move out or have him move out either. Once my H understood and BELIEVED that that was the next step I was going to take he got off that fence pretty darn quick. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Had he not though I was prepared to go it alone.

As scary as the idea of living alone was for me...the thought of living years on end with fence sitter was even MORE disturbing to me. I`d rather be alone...start over.. than share my H with an OW.

You do have more power here than you think...you cannot make your H give up the OW but you can CHOOSE not to have an OW in YOUR life.

This what you really need to be working on here...gaining enough self esteem/self confidence so that YOU can make the decisions. And not wait around for your H to make them for you.

On that other site...it`s filled with people who "settle". And yes they DO know the men lie to them...but they don`t think (for whatever reason) that they deserve better. That`s why I say there is NOTHING constructive for you to learn over there. It`s filled with people who are willing to "settle". And then they complain about their lot in life <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

You do deserve a terrific life. Don`t settle for anything less than that.

Have you thought about calling the Harelys?

<small>[ February 18, 2005, 09:57 AM: Message edited by: Daisy37 ]</small>

I agree with your need for A PLAN. I was going to post this idea, too.

How are you doing today? What are you doing for yourself today to make you feel better? In MC this week, the C asked me what one thing would I change to make the M better. I said I knew I needed to lose weight and ever since then I have been doing good. It really helps having a goal to work towards and someone to be accountable to.

What is your goal for yourself this week? Let us know and then you will be accoutable to all of us!

My goal is to stick to my diet plan and workout. I have come so far and don't have much more to go to meet my goal weight.

Here is what my specific goal is: lose 3 lbs this week and walk/run on the treadmill for 30 mintues at least 6 times this week. There I really have a specific goal that I have to keep or you guys will get all over me!!

How are you doing with your goal today Kloe? Do you follow any kind of diet plan? The only one that has worked for me and I have seen GREAT results is Dr. Phil's plan. I lost about 20 pounds within three months with that plan and was still losing until I got pregnant.