I am sitting here listening to my 5 year old daughter talking to her daddy.
It breaks my heart.
She said "daddy, was that an efalent? (elephant)

There may not be many more of these days.
My heart is so broken that I can't seem to see more than a couple days into the future.

How do I tell my kids? I have posted this question before, asking if I should tell the kids. But when plan B becomes apparent, please tell me how you tell the kids. I don't know what to do.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by suzychapstick:
<strong> I am sitting here listening to my 5 year old daughter talking to her daddy.
It breaks my heart.
She said "daddy, was that an efalent? (elephant)

There may not be many more of these days.
My heart is so broken that I can't seem to see more than a couple days into the future.

How do I tell my kids? I have posted this question before, asking if I should tell the kids. But when plan B becomes apparent, please tell me how you tell the kids. I don't know what to do. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Suzy, don't underestimate your kids ability to comprehend things - they do it at their level. In my first marriage, my XW moved out with the next-door neighbor, took DS1 (who is now, by the way, one of my best friends) and left my DS4. The day she left (after taking EVERYTHING out of our apartment (we sat on our blankets on the floor) and he asked why she left. I asked him if he knew she loved him, he said, yes. I asked him what it means to be married - can't remember what he said, but he was dead on (for a 4 year old). I then told him that mommy decided she didn't want to ne married to daddy anymore.

He cried, but we talked thru it for many days after, and he is a very well adjusted soldier serving in Germany now.

With my current situation: I did the same thing. I asked my kids to each define marriage in their own terms - they did very well. Then I asked them if they knew what adultery was. Even DD9 could define it (that's when you have a boyfriend and you are married and you aren't suppposed to do that). I the explained that mom had found somebody else that she thought she loved more than dad. I also explained that mom loves them as much as she ever did, and that I love them as much as I ever did.

They still ask questions, and DS17 won't speak a word to mom - boy does that get to her - heh heh heh heh heh ---- (I enjoy that way too much) - but the kids still hug her and I see the hurt in her eyes when that happens, so I know she feels it under that fog.

When plan B comes: I'm going to explain that I am trying to get mom to see what it would be like for her to NEVER have us around, and that we need to let her feel that for a while. I don't know what else to tell them. I've made a commitment to never use the DJ of dishonesty again, and that includes my kids - they will get the truth, and they can process it at their own level...

Hope that helps some...

Suzy - good thoughts your direction...I am very worried about you

David

You are still very early in this. Hang in there. It is heartbreaking at first, but does get much better.

deleted an angry response to suzy's WH here....

<small>[ February 18, 2005, 03:35 PM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>

I sympathize suzy.

I hope it never comes to a split. Those kids have been through so much already. But my plan is to just make d@#$ well sure that they know that I love them and will always be there for them no matter what.

Funny, you and I are near the same place. A thought like that went through my head about a week ago. I tried to put a positive spin on it and make those things so wonderful that it gets into her head that she would miss it to <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Also, the kids know more than we give them credit for. They may not know what is going on, but they know it isn't good. Don't do them a disservice by telling them nothing is wrong. Their intuition tells them something isn't right, so don't tell them to mistrust their intuition! You don't need to tell them the whole thing of course, but validate it if they have a concern and make sure you let them know that they are safe no matter what.

Let them know that relationships aren't always happy and that they go up and down (use an example of when they were upset with you). That's life but you still love each other right? Just don't treat them like they're too young to know something is going on - after all, they're part of the family too! As for what to tell them should PlanB come along, that's beyond me, let's hope some vets post!

Um just did that last week. D12 threatened suicide in an email to her friend. She knew mommy and daddy weren't getting along. Friend brough email to school - mommy gets called to the office.

We left out the details just told them mommy and and daddy are having problems in our marriage and no matter what happens we both still love you. This was none of your doing, you are great kids.

In addition to D12 we have D10 and S7

They are most affraid of us divorcing.

MarkNY

I'll offer my sympathies here, I just couldn't bear to add to the 14+ pages of your EA thread. Those posts helped me a lot in my thinking with my WW's EA. Wish you the best!