Food for thought:

Much of life's wisdom is contained in a single piece of dialogue in George Bernard Shaw's "Saint Joan": the exchange between the Inquisitor and the Chaplain during the trial of Joan of Arc. The Inquisitor orders the Chaplain to sit down. When the Chaplain indignantly refuses, the Inquisitor says, "If you will not sit, you must stand." To that, the Chaplain says, "I will not stand," and flings himself into his seat.

Often, as Shaw knew, the best reason to do something is that someone else doesn't want you to do it - or to take advantage of this attitude in others.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
WAT
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Always leave room to jibe in case a tack fails.

WAT,

There is, unfortunately, a lot of truth in that.

So, if I want a D, I should...?

The problem is, the waffler waffles faster than the reverse-babbler babbles.

I was thinking, that if I came to the point that I wanted a D, I should certainly "position" my W to also want it at the same moment. Joint filing is so much easier than contested D. Right now, that seemed to be working - except that it started working too well, and now W is promising NC (not for my sake, but only, she says, for her self-respect, and not forever, but just until we D).

(Yeah, I'm in a really different place now than I used to be. It's amazing what a little much belated investigation can do to one's perspective.)

-AD

IMO I'd prefer to just be in a marriage with an adult, somebody who isn't so reactionary/rebellious/whatever.

It would be nice to just be married to a man who wants me (and only me), knows that's what he wants, isn't worried about admitting that (not worried that other guys will call him hen-pecked), and has the intelligence and integrity to learn and apply what it takes to build a wonderful marriage.

MereMortal - DITTO - DITTO....

WOW - you sure said it for me...

I also would like someone that doesn't treat me like the doll in the china closet..

I want to be treated like the OW in the bedroom...not like the "wife".

I want a man that doesn't want to "buy me"..or "pay for silence".

Are there any out there???????

Bumping up for those posters who are trying to decide on whether or not to expose.

I've noticed a trend in betrayed spouses being afraid to expose, worrying that wayward spouse and other person will get angry.

Some even wonder if exposing is somehow manipulation?

IMHO the wayward spouse and the other person may have the betrayed manipulated into silence/fear.

It's not manipulation to tell somebody:

Listen, you are betraying me and I will not sit silently by while you continue your adultery!

NOBODY owes it to adulterers to keep their affair a secret. If somebody I knew was committing adultery I would definitely expose it to the betrayed spouses, ESPECIALLY if I was one of the betrayed spouses.

Cowering in fear and concession never stops abusive behavior. Adultery is abuse. You have to speak up in order to stop it.

No, there's no guarantee that exposure will end the adultery. But in most cases, the affair loses most of it's appeal once the secret's out.

And the more the adulterers object to exposure, the more it indicates they realize their adulterous relationship is based on fantasy and lies and won't survive exposure.

WAT:

Stated another way:

Q: Why did the short-hair cross the road?
A: Because somebody told him 2.

Q: Why did the long-hair cross the road?
A: Because somebody told him not 2.

but then there's:

Q: Why did the punk rocker cross the road?
A: He was stapled 2 the chicken.

-ol' 2long