I had some major thoughts about love today. It was Valentines Day this week, and I was in the mood to think about love and what it is.

First, I saw a bunch of couples walking on the mall on Valentines Day, and it made me wonder about why they're together and I'm not with someone. Not in a bummed out way...but in a thoughtful way. Soooo...upon reflecting about it, I think I stumbled upon something. Those people have made time in their life and made ROOM in their life for another person. In my life, I concentrated on getting my life stabilized and getting my kids stabilized and getting my finances stabilized...and somewhere in there I did not save or create room for another person! I made a life for ME, and a life for my KIDS, and a life for my CAREER...but I did not leave or create a life for a partner! I need to work on that.

I can honestly say that I am not looking for an instant LTR--I'm looking for some men with the kind of qualities that I could admire. I don't really honor men who just want a quick roll in the sack...that's not working for me. It may work for THEM, but not me!! I also had a good breakthrough about a month ago that the emotions that I associate with "love" are actually attachment to an unhealthy pattern--for example, I really was very attracted to my exH, and he may have been physically attractive but behaviorally he was abusive...thus I link controlling behavior and "love." Soooo...this time around it is going to feel different than what I'm "used" to, but has the potential to be a much healthier relationship.

Well, there is one fella...we have known each other for two years, we go out and have fun together, we like and admire each other, we enjoy SO many of the same things, we just are friends at the core and he's handsome as all get out! So, it dawned on me that it might be closer to what healthy "love" would be like...deep admiration and respect that goes deeper and further than that even! That was an eye-opening thought--and then it dawned on me that the relationship with this fella is closer to what I really AM looking for: yes, fun and enjoyment, but also a person with qualities and characteristics that I can deeply respect and who looks at me and likes me for who I am and respects me too!!

I'm more of a "one-at-a-timer" and I'm more of a steady, conservative type. I hope to date several men during this year and find a couple whom I can look up to--not just "have fun" with. I suppose I sound kinda boring, but for me, I have fun all the time--it's incorporated into my life and personality--so I'm more about enjoying each others' company.

BTW...did anyone watch the Dr. Phil PrimeTime about dating and body language with that lovely single lady? That opened my eyes to a few new ideas too!! Oh heavens, I need to learn how to flirt!!!


FNCJ

SEEJ, you do not need to learn how to flirt. That bait just catches flattery feeders !

Your intelligence, wit and care pours out of you.

Thats enough to attract men who appreciate such.

Good call on your self examination. Now I think you are too emotionally literate to genuinely connect love with controlling behaviour as a general association. Unless theres a long line of folks you loved who were also controlling, I think it was your compassion for your XWH that allowed you to love his controlling , defective personality.

See ? I'm a total expert ! LOL ! Your care for XWH shines out of your reportage, either in support of others or just to express yourself. You refer to his personality issues with a * Sigh* of accommodation, not resignation. After all you'd still be with him if you truly DID associate love with controlling, over your self-worth and other positive personality traits that men can have.

You are in a place where the sring clean might JUST leave room in your life for somebody to share a little of it with.

WHAT a testament to your personal recovery !

I have a strong feeling you will be JUST fine Sis ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

CJ - I agree with bob - YOU don't need to learn to flirt - that draws the wrong guy (trust me, I'm a guy - flirting tends to give the wrong impression) You are great the way you are, you don't need to flirt - you'll get the right guy, because you are on the right track RIGHT now.

David (yes, I'm up late, couldn't sleep, no 2x4s - hee hee)......

<small>[ February 18, 2005, 02:05 AM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>