Okay, we were away for the weekend..

I called the omans husband..oh how enlightening. He was very nice, the more we talked, the more we were able to but 2 and 2 together. She used to work in my H's office in a different city. It seems both our spouses were in the same city a few weeks ago on business. Isn't that a coincidence? It was not for the same business, my H had to go to that city, but he was able to arrange it the same day she was there. They stayed at different hotels.

My H said he had dinner alone that night at the hotel she was staying at (I didn't know at the time that she was staying there).

We both decided to ask our spouses and see what they said. I haven't been able to speak to her husband yet, I hope to tomorrow.

My H first denied, then I told him to think hard about whehter he was going to tell the truth. He claims he knew she was going to be in that city, so they met for a drink and appetizers because he was thinking of looking into working for her company, which is true, but why didn't he tell me? His story is that given his history, he thought I would be jealous over "nothing". He also said they were thinking of meeting for lunch next time he was in the city where she works to discuss a potential position with her company...again, something he neglected to tell me, and was keeping secret.

Is it anything? I don't know, but as far as I'm concerned, if it's nothing, why lie? He doesn't understand that he can't keep secrets. He is calling tomorrow for IC to figure out what his problem is. He swears (again) that he loves me more than anything and would be devastated if I left...I think he's got major problems.

I'm not sure what my next step is, I need to speak to this womans H to find out what his wife said to him and see if the stories match. Just wanted to update everyone who helped.

Okay, we were away for the weekend..

I called the omans husband..oh how enlightening. He was very nice, the more we talked, the more we were able to but 2 and 2 together. She used to work in my H's office in a different city. It seems both our spouses were in the same city a few weeks ago on business. Isn't that a coincidence? It was not for the same business, my H had to go to that city, but he was able to arrange it the same day she was there. They stayed at different hotels.

My H said he had dinner alone that night at the hotel she was staying at (I didn't know at the time that she was staying there).

We both decided to ask our spouses and see what they said. I haven't been able to speak to her husband yet, I hope to tomorrow.

My H first denied, then I told him to think hard about whehter he was going to tell the truth. He claims he knew she was going to be in that city, so they met for a drink and appetizers because he was thinking of looking into working for her company, which is true, but why didn't he tell me? His story is that given his history, he thought I would be jealous over "nothing". He also said they were thinking of meeting for lunch next time he was in the city where she works to discuss a potential position with her company...again, something he neglected to tell me, and was keeping secret.

Is it anything? I don't know, but as far as I'm concerned, if it's nothing, why lie? He doesn't understand that he can't keep secrets. He is calling tomorrow for IC to figure out what his problem is. He swears (again) that he loves me more than anything and would be devastated if I left...I think he's got major problems.

I'm not sure what my next step is, I need to speak to this womans H to find out what his wife said to him and see if the stories match. Just wanted to update everyone who helped.

Lying about a dinner-date at a womans hotel, while out of town.... why in the world would he think that would bother you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

If he really believes that is acceptable Marriage Behaviour, why not suggest MC for the two of you?

You apparently have different views on what a marriage should be... why not let an MC help you iron those out?

That's more than resonable... how could he object?

I'm a bit of a hot-head, but he'd be on the porch with all his bags packed after a story like that. I wouldnt believe him as far as I could throw him. I'd get checked for STD's, too.

AGAIN, do you want to save this marriage, or get evidence for divorce? You MUST know what you are working towards... ok? Your choice, but you need FOCUS...

3StrikesOut,

As a BW with a repeat offender (see my sig) I can completely understand everything you are thinking and feeling.

If it quacks like a duck....

Wait to see what her husband found out and compare stories. That should give you all you need to know.

If I ever discover a third strike, I am out of here. But I have learned a few things along the way:

I learned that NOT getting enough counseling after affair No. 1 was a big, big mistake.

I learned that in order for us to really be a couple again my FWH had to figure out his problems, which really had nothing to do with me.

I learned that I had to change some of my ways to ensure that I held up my half of the marriage, to make it a place that FWH would want to stay.

All that having been said, I think I've done everything that I can possibly do now. If it isn't enough, it is never going to be enough. I don't care if it is one week from now or ten years from now, if he does this again, I am gone because I think I've learned enough along the way.

Try to put the anger and hurt aside for a moment and ask yourself: Have you done enough? Is there more you should/could do before calling it quits?

~Snow