Sorry everyone - I'm concerned that my wife may stumble upon this post.... and that'd cause me some additional headaches that I don't need.

Thanks for your replies and concern - I appreciate the thoughts.

<small>[ February 19, 2005, 05:40 AM: Message edited by: confuseddude ]</small>

CD,

Sorry you are here. This battle to save your M is a lonely one. Like many BS here, right now the woman you are with is not the same one you married.

The WS tend to have 2 different personalities. How you deal with this problem w/b critical. First you need a plan to help you heal first. Then you can concentrate on finding your W.

Marriage is not about satisfying only 1 person's needs. It is a shared effort to meet each other's needs in a loving manner. Only when both have the same goal can this be possible.

Your W is out their having an A (EA at the very least) because she has allowed her heart to wander away from the M. Whatever the reasons it is still wrong. However, she probably is not equipped to fight this horrible disease taking over her very soul. Right now you don't have those tools either.....yet. The tools to fix yourself and your M are available. To fix you requires your effort. To fix your M will require both your efforts.

Please read the concept section above. Take the emotional needs questionnaire. Get and read Surviving an Affair and His Needs/Her Needs books. Both are by Dr. W. Harley.

Don't teach your W anything right now. Read, learn, make a plan and implement 1st.

L.

Dude - I didn't get a chance to read your post before you deleted it.

If you think your wife will ID you because of what you wrote, unless you provided specific details that ID her, you can relax. All the stories here are so similar that ANY wayward spouse could blame their betrayed spouse for any of them.

How long have you been married? How old are both of you? Kids?

If you've been married a short time, are young, and have no children together - cut your losses and dump her. Yes, this is a marriage builders site and some others here may cringe at my recommendation, but unless there are compelling, practical reasons to stay with this huge risk of a wife, your future happiness will be a better bet elsewhere.

hey guy...
i tried to make mine work after wife had affair...i agree with dumping her if no kids are involved...the pain is too great and you will always mis trust .....let everyone go on and try to be happy cause saving this will take forever and most likely NOT WORK...
i know you want her...i want mine...
DONT put yourself thru this hell

Hi CD,

I'm not going to try and tell you what you should do or not do. Only YOU can decide if you want to try and rebuild your M.

My W had all of her A's during the first three years of our M. Everyone told me to dump her. I had every right to dump her... just as you do if your W is in an adulterous relationship with another man...

Just wanted to provide a little balance here and say that it is possible to recover from this. It's not easy. It's not pain free. In fact, it was the hardest thing that I've ever done, and the pain was almost unbearable at times...

My W and I have recovered and we have three beautiful daughters together. We work on meeting each other's emotional needs and we guard and protect our M each and every day... I never dreamed that our M would ever be 1/2 as good as it is now way back then...

If you do decide to save your M and rebuild, then please read the books that Orchid mentioned and by all means, find a pro-marriage marriage counselor and start going with your W...

Semper Fi,
RIF

<small>[ February 19, 2005, 08:31 AM: Message edited by: RIF ]</small>