After much research this morning, I think I have name, age, etc.. for the OW. She calls his number and it shows up as an incoming call from moble to moble and his phone number, just incoming. But, she slipped that one time and I got the information - I think.
So, anyway - it is not the neighbor but he has/is having an affair. All seems much better between us lately. He talks about me going on the truck with him. But, he has/is having an affair.
So, now that I am 99.9% certain - what do I do ? He is still on the truck, due home this coming week. I hope I can keep my mouth shut until then. Or, he won't come home, at least to me. I am still Plan A ing. And it works real good for me.

Please help. I can not believe that I am this calm about it. I have really, really been such a wreck over this for a long time. Now that I know, oddly, I feel better.

Carnation

Carnation,

I'll let the experts advise you on this.

If you're Plan A is working and you are able to keep your cool than good for you!

How long have you been in Plan A?

The only reason to contact the OW would be to let her know you are married to him and that you plan on staying that way. Short and sweet.

Some affairs end as soon as the BS finds out and confronts. Let's hope you are in that type of sitch. This is where Plan A is of the utmost importance.

I am hoping the vets will come on soon to advise you on confronting and when.

I just saw where he talks of you going with him.

This would be wonderful! Even just for a couple of weeks. Can you imagine how close you would become if you can maintain that Plan A?

In my business I work with truck drivers clearing the border. It's always nice to see their wives and sometimes their children with them.

I think you should try and go with him soon. Really put some distance between him and OW.

Weaver, thanks for the replies. I probably did not handle talking with him this morning very well. Surprise, surprise. I was extremely upset but probably came across as needy, not LB ing at all. I was just telling him that I was up all night, not saying why but letting him know that I was upset with him being gone.
When he comes home next week for a few days - I feel that I should bring this up. I am not exactly sure how to, nicely of couse.
I mean, if it did happen or is happening still, and I already know or highly highly suspect - shouldn't it be out on the table ??
Experts -- help please.

Weaver - which border ? We live in Texas, but he has been spending alot of time lately at the New York, Canada border. He hates all the paper work and time involved.

Carnation

Carnation, you sound much stronger ! Thats great ! You will need to be.

I think you should read up in 'surviving an affair' and teh articles on the main body of this site and read about confrontation.

Its a horrible thing to do. Brings out the very worst in a WS.

WIthout ABSOLUTE UNDENIABLE PROOF your WS will lie, get angry, convince you it syour fault, make you feel guilty, sulk, abolutely ANYTHING To get him off the hook and keep him with his OW.

And he may say some terrible things to you that will hurt you in a way that only he can.

But in time he will probably come to regret and retract those.

All blessings car, you are about to lance teh boil.

{{{{carnation}}}}

It's the border in Northern Michigan Carnation.

All week before he comes home be very charming on the phone. No neediness, whining or crying.

Hard to do when you are all alone and your heart is shattering. But you can do this.

If Lord forbid the affair doesn't end once you confront, at some point you will need to go to Plan B. There needs to be a sharp contrast from your Plan A and his not being able to talk to you. It needs to hit him hard.

So continue to be very charming on the phone. If you confront him when he comes back home, I would try to hold off until you have some very good close time together. Maybe a really wonderful couple of days. So he really feels it when faced with the possibility of losing you.

You make being with you more attractive than being with the OW.

So charming is the name of the game right now, okay?

Carnation-

I was really good at Plan A, when I actually started doing it....I brought all kinds of circumstancial evidence to my WH....look at these cell phone bills...now deny it, YUP...he explained it away, I hit him with TONS of circumstancial evidence....he shot it down everytime.....so will your WH. You have to have some completely IRON CLAD, not a hole in it, UNDENIABLE evidence that there is an affair before you confront him with it, or you're just spinning your wheels and ticking him off.

This part SUCKS!!!!!! You know what's going on, but the gathering evidence part takes what seems like FOREVER.........I'm just giving you a heads up.....I wouldn't confront him until you have something he couldn't wiggle out of if he tried. You confront him now, with what you have, he's just going to find new and better ways to hide it.

Ooo ooo ooo...I don't know if this would interest you, but I contacted the Dr.Phil show about my WH's affair, on a whim, and they called me back, well the show wasn't what I thought it was going to be....they were hiring private investigators and sending them out to gather evidence, and then have you confront them on the show...I don't know if that interests you...it would have sort of interested me, but I already busted my WH with undeniable evidence 2 weeks before (I had to be my own P.I.).

If you're interested, e-mail me: the_pieces_of_my_broken_heart@yahoo.com I'll give you the associate producers e-mail that contacted me.

-Caren

Weaver - thanks so much for the good advice. I have really been trying to be nice, supportive, up, cheerful, etc.. when talking with him. Pretty much ever since I have suspected an affair. Funny how I wasn't this "loving" before, which, of course, I blame myself for what may have happened. I have told him this in a round about way.
My ex husband cheated on me many times. H knows this and I have been talking about it lately. How that betrayal is so hurtful, trying to make my point to him - he is not one bit stupid - but not ever really bringing up about HIM doing it.
Caren - Yes, you are so right about the denial. First - I never ever thought he could/would cheat on me and I certainly figured if I asked him on it, which I did repeatedly this summer when the evidence was hitting me in the face - he would admit, yes he did/was. But, of course, deny, deny. Once this summer he said to me, in a very serious voice, I am going out to have a cig, and when I come back in, we are going to have a talk. I almost died!!! I immediately rifled through my dresser drawer for my xanax like a drug addict ! Well, he came back in, and had nothing to talk about. He apparently chickened out. So I thought everything was fine. But really knowing something was going on.
Last night I read all of Patriot's post about BS questions. Wow that was alot of great eye-opening reading. What an inciteful post.
I am not actually planning on confronting but nicely asking if there is something going on, gone on that I should know about. Try that angle. Try my best to get him to open up. That I have the right to know. THEY know, why can't I ? It's not like I don't assume it now anyway. Why not get it out there ?
And, this will be after some good quality time. He is supposed to be home 3 days later in the week. I work full time, but will call in on at least two of those days.
Thanks so much for the support and advice. It means alot to me, as y'all probably already know for yourselves.

Car