I used to believe that there was a soul mate out there somewhere specifically for me. A "one true love", the yen to my yang.<P>My thinking has since changed on this. I now believe that the notion of a "soul mate" is ridiculous. A fairy tale idea perpetuated by love stories, movies and myths. <BR> I questioned my H on this subject when it was mentioned in conversation that the OW thought of him and he thought of her as his soul mate. She referred to him as her one and only, while he was still living with and making love to me. She was also married. My H does not believe in God or Jesus, so how can he even consider the existence of a "soul". When pressed on this issue, his definition of a "soul mate" varied a great deal from mine. He said he thought of a soul mate as one whose perceptions of reality closly resembled his own. A person who could finish his sentences and thoughts before he did. A person with whom one does not need words to communicate, yet is understood and understands.<P>Well, I thought about this. Previous to this discussion with him, I had defined a soul mate as one meant for me as ordained by God. I even pictured a person who had been part of my life in previous lives, if previous lives have existed. This person would not necessarily perceive reality as I, or react in the same way, but instead, broaden my perspectives becauses of the differences. He would, however, love me unconditionally.<P>Now, after all that has happened, I don't believe the notion of any ONE soul mate existing at all. We are ALL soul mates. All a part of a collective consciousness created by perfection to love and be loved by all. When a special connection is made with a particular person because of a similar experience, or crisis, it is our nature to reach out to connect further. We WILL ourselves to understand and be understood by the persons we connect with because of common experiences. We TRY harder to make decisions from the loving place within us and as a result we reach out in love more fully to some people, more than others. Not because other people are any less lovable, but because our time and energies are limited. <BR>My H has discovered that his definition for "soul mate" was true for OW, but no less true for me. I, too, perceive many things in the same way he does, and vice versa, but is that not because we have lived side by side, with similar experiences for 18 years. I, too, can finish his sentences and know his thoughts, as he does mine (sometimes better than I do for myself.) Our need for words, to understand and be understood, is directly proportional to how much effort we each give to the connection we have to each other. Any of these elements can be true with any other person if the time and energy is directed that way, therefore the idea of a "soul mate" is a misconception.<P>Would love to hear any other thoughts from you guys.

Oy. I hate the very word, "soul mate". <P>How many atrocities against marriages have been perpetrated because of this silly belief?<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I now believe that the notion of a "soul mate" is ridiculous. A fairy tale idea perpetuated by love stories, movies and myths. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Amen, sistah! We have so many unrealistic expectations of love and of marriage as a result of movies, books, and such -- that love is "emotional", that passion must endure forever in the same form as it is in the beginning or it's not "real", that sex must be cataclysmic every time or it's not good.<P>See my postings to Hummingbird yesterday for more of my views on this.<P>I wonder though...is this the exclusive province of women, or do men fall for this crapola too?

I hate the term soulmate. It seems to be a universal "theme" of affairs. Yuck.<P>The only thing that I buy, is that when God joins 2 people in matrimony, he sees their spirit as one. "And the two shall become one." Adultery has nothing to do with this promise. To me, soulmate is a cheap imitation of what God intended for a wife and a husband.<P><p>[This message has been edited by trustntruth (edited September 21, 1999).]

Although the term "soulmate" is used frequently on this board, I agree with you PW that I believe the term means different things to different people. Prior to my W's infidelity, I tended to agree with your definition that a soulmate is that person who is pre-ordained by God to be with you. However, I, like you, believe that there is no such thing as "a" soulmate, but rather there are many, many people with which we can love.<P>My W used the term "soulmate" to describe the OM a few weeks back (just before she filed) and I just about puked. I have come to detest that term with a passion...the term soulmate has now become synonymous with the OM. I will NEVER use that term to describe anyone in my life ever in the future again.

Yes men fall for it too!<P>My wife and OM went to a psychic who told them they were soulmates so it had to be true. That was the "blessing" they were looking for.If I had ever suggested that my wife visit a psychic before her affair started she would have laughed in my face. She had visited therapists prior to the psychic, they each told her to seek marriage guidance, not the answer she was looking for.<P>From what I have learned if two lovers came to me as a psychic the first guess I would make is that they were soulmates, then they would know everything else would come true, hah!

I don't fall for the crappola. <P>My wife is my mate in every sense of the word; my companion, my best friend, the one that God gave to me for all of my life. He singled her out from all the others just for me. <P>My soul and my wife's soul belongs to Christ.

No such thing ... just a justification for having an affair.

I'll take a stab at this. I won't go too much into my history, you can read my profile if you need more info. <P>My H and I are 7 months into our full recovery (one year since discovery of his affair). We do beleive we are soulmates. I had always liked the term, sounded all romantic and stuff...but never had I given it much thought.<P>What I now beleive to be true about soulmates, and yes PW, I agree with you, that we are all soulmates...BUT....not everyone is living soulfully. Does that make sense? OK, do you ever run across people who you feel an instant connection with, male or female, it does not matter...well, it is my personal belief that we are soulmates with those people, our souls are mating. I have recently met a woman and we had an instant connection. She felt it too. We could finish each other's sentence, knew how the other was feeling....yadda yadda yadda....but when it becomes complex, like opposite sex kinad thing, we think...ah, this must be "true love", it is my destiny to be with him/her. HOGWASH! It is our destiny to be soulfully joined with EVERYONE!<P>Trouble arises: people do not know how to live soulfully. They cannot reach the level of living soulfully. Too much crap to weed through. You get bogged down in the "should's and ought to's". I think that is part of the allure with affairs, there are no should's and ought to's. They are free to live what they think is soulfully. I might catch *ell for this, but honestly, I think it is true. People in affairs get so wrapped up in it, that they think it is reality. HELLO...afairs are NOT reality. They are based on lies and deception.<P>So the test comes to live soulfully with honestly and complete openess. My H and I have found this. We relized that there will be troubles in every relationship, but we made the desision to work through ours, and you know what? After entering into our relationship "the second" time around we made the CHOICE to be the best we can be, individually, and because of that, we entered it purposly, with intent. Not to better the other half, but to better ourselves.<P>We do have a one in a million relationship and you will too, IF...you choose to do so soulfully. Let your true self shine and all will cometo light. <P><P>------------------<BR>You will be stronger because of this.<BR>

Great thread.....yuck, I hate the word too and in my case YES, the man can be the romantic one. My H said the OW was his soulmate(why do they all use the same words!!??) and they "were meant to be together".....he watched Bridges of Madison County, the Horse Whisperer and I never wanted to ....always thought they were so unrealistic and silly.....never dreamnt that he was watching this stuff and justifying his affair.....Lu

I think the term soulmate is a cliche and overused. The concept of their being only one other person on this planet of billions and billions of people meant for you is ridiculous. Whom we want as our soul mate is a choice. I believe we can love any number of people, if the circumstances permit it and we allow ourselves to.<P>As far as affairs go, don't fret over your betraying spouses spouting that soul mate garbage. Like Maya says, it's just them justifying their affair and seeking to legitimize it. Wrong answer. Funny how they would have said the same thing about you when you married. Or, did they forget? Or, are they saying they made a mistake with you, but this time they have it right? BALONEY!!<P>Incidentally, I never referred to OM as my soul mate. Not once. I knew he wasn't the one, he was just "a" one at the time I needed it. Nothing more, nothing less. Now, I'm making a conscious choice to make my H my soul mate for the rest of our lives.<P>------------------<BR>Love is meant to heal. Love is meant to renew. Love is meant to oust all fear. Love is meant to harmonize differences. Love is meant to bring us closer to God.

Hate the word!!! Yet, I do believe my W is God's choice for me in spite of what has happened. I can't speak for her or anyone else for that matter. I just know that God does create one person of the opposite sex to be your mate until death you do part. It is at that point that He may have created a second one but the chances are likely that you will be very old when the death of your mate occurs.<P>------------------<BR>God Bless,<BR>Rob<P><BR>

soul mate = <blech><P>Used to believe it, thought the OM was it, "it" is an illusive notion that doesn't exist.<P>If it is true in *any* way, I think it's possible that many people are our soul mates... my best friend in WI, my oldest dearest friend from High School who I talk to twice a year, my closest friend here in my town, and yes, my H. Each fills a need.<P>------------------<BR>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<BR>

Am I glad my Wife has never mentioned that term yet! It would take all I could to stifle a laugh!

Oh Chris, I think if she said it and you laughed in her face, even Steve Harley would forgive you, lovebuster or not!! <P>Have a GREAT day!<P>Shannon

We know what you mean, Chris!!!!<P>ROFLMAO!!!!!!!

Let's see if all those people having affairs are still"soulmates" 5-10 years from now.

Pilot's wife. I'm too tired and will read the rest of the answers to this post later. <BR>Just want to tell you we're in the same wavelenght.<BR>There in no one only person in the world that will be our soul mate. Everyone of us had/has many paths and many possible happy endings with different people.<P>And then we make our choice and decide to share our life with this certain person. And we want it to be the best it can be. Does that mean that we would not be happy with anybody else? Nonsense. Of course we could. had we choosen to do so. But we didn't.<P>Be back tomorrow, tonight I'm so tired my brain is short-circuiting <BR>Take care<BR>Kat<BR><P>------------------<BR>Each and everyone of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought, and the gift of understanding.

I used to believe in soulmates, love at first sight and cinderella........<P>But my knight in shiny armor is rescuing other damsels in distress now.<P>I used to feel so connected to my H, I could complete his sentences and he could complete mine. We talked alike, wanted the same things in life, were a team. People even commented that we looked alike.......(I think that's from being together for so long!) We were soul mates.<P>But now my soul flies solo. <P>Nope, I no longer believe in fairy tales.<P>