I hate to say this, but it is more likely that it is your H who is lying. Adultery and lying go hand in hand, and your H has already established that he is untrustworthy. It would not be wise to take the word of an untrustworthy person.
I frankly do not believe that they never had sex, that sounds like classic wayward spouse bullsh** designed to minimize the fallout.
I would suggest calling the OWH and asking him for his evidence. And remember, he is not the bad guy here. He is the victim of your H and the OW just like you are.
Even though your H and his honey are trying hard to demonize the OWH, don't you fall into that trap. He ain't the bad guy here. He is the VICTIM.
And lastly, I hope you realize that y'all are playing Russian Roulette with them working together? They will likely NEVER recover and will probably resume the affair in the future. That is about like sending a recovering alcoholic in the bar every day and making him sit there and stare at a cold beer. He will remain obsessed with the beer and is bound to take a drink in a moment of weakness. Y'all are playing with fire on this one!
Here is what Harley says about continued contact:
"Never see or communicate with a former lover
Once an affair is first revealed, whether it's discovered or admitted, the victimized spouse is usually in a state of shock. The first reaction is usually panic, but it's quickly followed by anger. Divorce and sometimes even murder are contemplated. But after some time passes (usually about three weeks), most couples decide that they will try to pull together and save their marriage.
The one having an affair is in no position to bargain, but he or she usually tries anyway. The bargaining effort usually boils down to somehow keeping the lover in the loop. You'd think that the unfaithful spouse would be so aware of his or her weaknesses, and so aware of the pain inflicted, that every effort would be made to avoid further contact with the lover as an act of thoughtfulness to the stunned spouse. But instead, the unfaithful spouse argues that the relationship was "only sexual" or was "emotional but not sexual" or some other peculiar description to prove that continued contact with the lover would be okay.
Most victimized spouses intuitively understand that all contact with a lover must end for life. Permanent separation not only helps prevent a renewal of the affair, but it is also a crucial gesture of consideration to someone who has been through hell. What victimized spouse would ever want to know that his or her spouse is seeing or communicating with a former lover at work or in some other activity?
In spite of career sacrifices, friendships, and issues relating to children's schooling, I am adamant in recommending that there be no contact with a former lover for life. For many, that means a move to another state. But to do otherwise fails to recognize the nature of addiction and its cure. con'd at:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5060_qa.html
