I just bribed my two older kids and my nephew to clean up after themselves. Now I understand that they should always as a standard clean up after the messes they make with no questions asked- but in reality that does not happen here. I watched my nephew and two neighbor kids today, we baked cookies and cupcakes (yes from scratch- you know each kid has to pour something in <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ). Well after cleaning the kitchen and what not I went and saw what size tornado hit my toyroom. Instead of listening to them argue about who is going to do what I told them I was going to set the timer for 10 minutes and if they could clean it all I would give them a dollar- well imagine in less then 5 minutes the place was cleaner then I have ever seen them do alone <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> so I offered them 50cents to do the same thing to their bedrooms, and they ran away from me to do it and then asked if there was anything else they could do <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I think I just spent the best $4.53 ever....(the 3cents was for my 2 year old who was feeling left out- 3 pennies did the trick <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) However have I now started that they will not clean with out money? I want them to take pride in their home, but be able to have their own money as well. I was just wondering what other MB feel about allowences (AKA bribes)

AAAAAAAH - you just mashed one of my hot buttons.

I HATE bribes and allowances.

Give a kid an allowance? For what? I have three sons and they all do chores for the simple reason they are PART OF THE FAMILY.

They have assigned chores, and they do them. If they don't, then they don't get to do what they want. Simple as that.

I have to go to work, or I don't make money and I don't get to eat. My dad isn't calling me and saying "Son, if you go and work for your family, I'll get you a ...." I go because I am part of the family and that is my part to play.

Do I pay my kids? Sometimes. On the RARE occasion I call them to do something particulary nasty, or beyond their age appropriateness, I may make the old cash transaction with them. But that is RARE.

If we take a trip and they want money, they have either worked for it or saved their gift money.

If I give them money (or anything for that matter), I NEVER tell them it is because they did X or Y or Z. I tell them I am choosing to bless them because I had it to bless them with. No more, no less. I have chosen to bless them. Didn't have to. They didn't earn it, it is just out of love.

One of my FAVORITE stories I tell them is about the old Buddhist monk.

This old monk was revered by the younger monks for his years of service and wisdom. They felt he was too old to work the gardens where they grew the food for the monastery. The young monks told him he should sit in the shade and take it easy and they would be more than happy to bless him and do his work. The old monk said "No work, no food." He felt he must contribute what he was able to reap the benefits of the community and refused to not work.

So the young monks hid his tools so he couldn't garden.

The old monk stopped eating. He refused to eat until his tools were returned. Seeing the impasse, the young monks returned the tools and the old monk went back to the garden.

Everyone contributes what they are able for the joy and betterment of the family. That's what being a family means.

Geez. I feel like I have been typing and typing this, but it is the SERVANT'S HEART mentality. My sons are being raised to be blessings to those around them, and that a job well done is it's own reward. Once they learn that, they will excel at all they do and make plenty of money.

Or on a funnier note, if you didn't have them for the free labor, they why did you have them?

Actually, not as funny as it seems. Years ago, a large family was an economic asset. Today, kids are a liability. I spent 10 mos. in a third world country, where children WERE considered an economic asset. Know what? Crime was LOW. REALLY LOW. I'm talking major cities with little graffitti. Muggings, rapes, things like that, unheard of. Or at least not very common. They were a little too busy SURVIVING. The youths were BUSY. Remember an idle mind? It IS the devil's workshop. Know what else? They were happy. Sure, they WANTED more. But they were still happy.

Just strikes me as funny. What we let our kids get away with.

NCWalker

KMEJ-

Oh girl, I am the bribing machine...if I have the money...the kids will do just about anything for me. I actually make them do chores everyday...they complain up a blue streak...I generally bribe them to find things I've lost, because I don't feel like looking for them.

My Mom used to do something to us, and we fell for it everytime....she'd say...I'll bet you can't do X before I count to 10. And we would so haul butt to try to do it and get back before she got to 10...and be like HAH! Mom....I showed you.

She was the reverse psychology queen, I told her one time I hated her, and she said "Oh Caren, I'm sorry you feel that way, because I love you" And I just about died a million deaths thinking I hurt her feelings and started crying and told her I was sorry LMAO!!!!!!!!!!

She did some twisted stuff too...but for the most part she was great. I mean she had a lot of exterior stressors we didn't even comprehend...no sex, my oldest sister ran away every 2 minutes, and my Grandma (her Mom)who had alzheimers lived with us and was deteriorating rapidly...but you know when you're a kid you rarely take anyone else's feelings into consideration.

So, I say pay the little buggers KMEJ, do whatever it takes <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

-Caren

CarenMc - All I can say is AAAAAHHHHH!!!!

I worked in a factory for years. People would come to work and do the same job day after day. >Put these three screws in these holes.< for example.

They would look at you and say "I have been doing this for 5 years, shouldn't I get a big raise now?"

To which you would say, "Have you learned to do anything else since you got here?"

And they would say "No."

Bottom line, we could always go get someone new to drive in the three screws for the same pay.

You have to CONTRIBUTE, LEARN, AND GROW your entire life. If you can't do more, do it faster, or do it better, the next year, someone else will. If you think you have more value because you have "warmed the seat" for a few years, you are suffering from an ENTITLEMENT PHILOSOPHY.

Don't do that to your kids. Don't don't don't.

Bribing children is a BAD idea.

Try this, dinner will be served WHEN your rooms are clean. What's wrong with that?

If they have CONTRIBUTED, give them dessert. But don't tell them it is because of what they did. Don't give them the idea that it is an exchange to be expected in the future. Tell them "You really blessed mommy today by cleaning your rooms without being told." Do THAT every time they do the good behavior.

SOMETIMES, when you have time, give them a dessert you made. Tell them you have felt so blessed by them that you are blessing them back.

Don't give them the idea it is an exchange.

The "exchange" for chores is a roof, clothes, food, a safe home, and an education. NOT an allowance, or a treat, or a toy.

NCWalker

Yes, I beleive bribing is a GREAT life lesson, after all, we grow up and are bribed to get work............

Dr. Phil says you have to find a kids currency. What, you expect a kid to do nothing? Or because they should feel willing to contribute...and isn't that a reason?

Some kids are motivated by TV time, some by praise, some by money, some by recreation and toys.

What is YOUR motivation. NO one does anything without getting SOMETHING in return. Yet we expect our kids to be SLAVES and do something because we SAID so?

My son is motivated by money, and because he knows once something is done, he can go back to living and doing what he wants. DD is motivated by praise, praise, praise.

I guess my pet peeve is expecting kids to do something for nothing...

Oh Hells Bells, I'm hanging on by a thread here and I'll beg, steal or borrow whatever I have to.

I don't find it morally corrupt to give my kids money for doing me a favor. They have daily chores they DO NOT get paid for...they do it because it needs done. On the other hand, for anything above and beyond the call of duty, I will pay them for it, or give them some other type of reward.

And you know what...if I was working putting 3 screws into something on an assembly line for 5 years, I damn well better get a raise...I'm there aren't I? I'm at work everyday. I would personally never do that particular job, because it's mindless and I'd go nuts, I need variety....but you can't expect to motivate people like that.

Oh kids I'll feed you when you've done what I told you....Umm you kinda have to feed them whether or not they mind you, childrens services sorta frowns on that whole witholding food thing.

My children are not a problem in school, they don't do drugs, they don't get into trouble, and of course they don't WANT to do their chores....who wants to? I don't want to either, but someone has to. You can't expect them to be like little robots.

Are you also of the children should be seen and not heard mentality? My kids have their own opinions on things....they're sorta like people that way.

-Caren

SHMI,

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

Yes, I am the dark overlord of my family. I am the ruthless taskmaster who works my childrens fingers to the bone and had them to be my servants. They will rue the day they were born into my family.

Actually, I love my sons more than anything and they love me. They have told me I am a great father. They have told me they are blessed to have me.

How do they behave?

=======

They do their chores (MOST times without complaint, SOME times they have to be reminded, MOST times joyfully) and there is no "kid's currency."

They hold doors for adults, usually without prompting.

We were in a store. I had middle son with me (8 years old). A woman (in her 40s) dropped her packages. I snapped my fingers (to get his attention, he was daydreaming) and said "Son, how about blessing that woman?" He immediately set to and picked up her stuff and handed it to her. His currency? His father telling him how proud I was of him and what a fine man he was becoming.

If me and the boys want to do something together, fix go carts, play a game, build rockets, whatever, and there is work to be done, they all pitch in joyfully because they enjoy spending time with me and will help me get done what needs to be done to do so.

They say Please, Thank You, Sir, and Ma'am. (MOST times).

The older two have both had teachers tell me on several occasions how willing they are to help their fellow students.

=====

But I also, do not hesitate to help those around me. You have to do it by example.

Yes. I am the overbearing, overlord of my house. I exact labor from my boys for nothing in return like some ruthless, brutal taskmaster.

Actually, I serve others purely for the joy of serving. And they SEE me do it. And they do it too.

Actually, I respect those around me. And they SEE me do it. And they do it too.

Actually, (most times) they are just pleased to be my sons and be loved by me. And I NEVER (most times) neglect to tell them when they make me proud.

And they CONTRIBUTE to the family and the community they are in. AND it is a better place because of them.

Currency? Theirs is being stored right now in heaven. And they KNOW it.

NCWalker

I don't think of it as bribing. I think I'm teaching them that if they work hard, they'll be rewarded. OTOH, if they don't do what they should, they lose privileges. A combo of positive and negative reinforcement seems to be a realistic lesson for adult life.

Dobie

CarenMc,

Of COURSE you can't NOT feed them. But you don't cow tow to them, either.

I have EXPLAINED to them that we all contribute and that their dinner, roof, etc. is the REWARD for ALL of our labors.

Sorry if the dinner thing came across as too literal. But I have asked them what they wanted for dinner (usually something special, that is time consuming) and then NOT made it because they slacked off on their chores. Then they have looked at me and said, "Hey dad, thought you were grilling hamburgers." And I said "Hey sons, I was, but I ate up all my cooking time picking up your toys in the yard." Then I gave them PB&J and some fruit and chips.

Next time, I said if we want X, you guys have to do Y and Z so I can get to X. They got the message and did Y and Z.

Don't take me so literally. My boys are fed and loved and it shows. My point is, they are damn fine sons. I will put them up against anyones kids and they are NOT bribed.

As far as the three screws go, yeah, you get a raise. And it is a measly little one. If you come work for me and do the same job, why should you NOT get the same pay? Because you came? You got your CHECK for 5 years because you came. You came, I gave you your check.

If you bought my toaster for $20 5 years ago at Wal-Mart and now you want a new one and suddenly it is $50, what are you going to say? Still the same toaster. You will pitch a hissy fit, and I will look at you and say, "Well, I have been making it for 5 years now, haven't I?" It is supposed to get CHEAPER because I am BETTER at making it than I was 5 years ago.

If some guy on my assembly line hasn't learned any other jobs, or made significant improvements in quality, accuracy, or speed, in five years and all he can say is "I came in every day." All I'm going to say is "Yes, and you got paid every day for coming in."

And you people wonder why all the jobs are leaving this country. WISDOM and EXPERIENCE ARE VALUABLE, but they don't intrinsically appear if you sit on your duff and don't learn and grow.

NCW

nc (since you seem to be the only dissenting soul right now)

Aaaaahhhhh! (whatever that means, you've gone screaming from the room, or want to get attention)


You said...

His currency? His father telling him how proud I was of him and what a fine man he was becoming.

That is it exactly, my point...that is your son's currency, what you have taught him is to work on praise.

If me and the boys want to do something together, fix go carts, play a game, build rockets, whatever, and there is work to be done, they all pitch in joyfully because they enjoy spending time with me and will help me get done what needs to be done to do so.

And you don't think they are going about a project because you are GIVING them time and attention?

Currecy is often NOT money, but the things in life we care about. My son likes to do chores for money, but it's not the money he likes, but what he can do with that money.

What motivates your sons? Your praise, time, and attention?

What about you? Why do you do things, for nothing? I don't think so. And this is important...no one does anything for NOTHING. When you are helping people you get a joyful feeling and the knowledge that you are helping, God is smiling. Would you continue with a job that you didn't feel competent at, where scowled at and thought God was ambivalent about, that you received no joy from? And if you did this job, how long would you keep it up.

We all have a choice about what we do, unless we have dad's or masters that are tough taskmasters. But if we are lucky to live with a person who has found what motivates us, we can accomplish great things!!!

nc-

Condescending much?

Your use of the word bless is starting to freak me out.

How about you raise your boys how you see fit, and I'll raise my girls how I see fit and call it a day......because I'm not going to be able to be nice very much longer.

-Caren

Aaaaaaah is signifying I can't believe what I am hearing.

Yes. They do have currency. And that would be my praise, love and attention. BUT they have that regardless. So is it really currency?

I am referring to actual currency. Money. Dollars. Greenbacks. When one of my boys earns that from me, he REALLY has to earn it. Like, cleaning out the rain gutters. Actually, not even that because last time the oldest did that with me we got ice cream as a reward and I told him how glad I am that he helped.

They do jobs for the neighbors and get paid. Pet sitting. Chores. Stuff like that. I just have a big problem with allowances and paying my kids for contributing to the family.

I'm not some tightwad with expensive habits. Heck, I barely spend money on myself at all. Most of it goes to wife and kids for stuff they need and want.

But my key theme is that is their dad blessing them because he wants to, not some exchange for services rendered. They are learning that lesson through the neighbors. The lesson I am trying to explain is the family is the family and you do what you can when you can simply because it is the family.

I'm probably too traditional. But that is how I see it. I am complemented on my children frequently - regarding their behavior, attitudes and work ethics. To me, means me and the wife are doing something right.

Bribing a public servant is illegal, right? Why? What if something bad happened to one of your children at school through some negligence of an adult in charge of them. And the school offered you a bribe to keep quiet. Here, take this $1,000 and go away. Don't worry about the OTHER kids this adult is watching, we just don't want to deal with the situation "the hard way." How would that sit with you? Aren't you avoiding dealing with your kids "the hard way" when you bribe them?

Is that any different than bribing your kid for good behavior? What lesson are you teaching them? Notice how litigation happy our society has become? Why? The entitlement mindset. You OWE me for GOOD BEHAVIOR.

What happened to the golden rule? We exhibit good behavior because it is noble, just, and right. And we accept the consequences for bad behavior. If we do good behavior and are rewarded, well that's just a blessing, not an expectation.

CarenMc seemed a little offended by my work analogy with the three screws. If that has rubbed anyone the wrong way, if that seems unfair, or unjust, guess what.

Tough patooties.

Fair or unfair, right or wrong, the point is MOOT. Because the REALITY of it is that only the BEST performers get the big raises. The "clock-punchers" who feel that to show up and work is enough to get a raise DO get one. Typically called a "cost of living increase." Typically less than the inflation rate. THAT is reality.

So do you want to equip your kids for REALITY or do you want to equip them for the world as YOU think it should be? If you give them bribes, you are teaching them they will be compensated (extra) for doing what they SHOULD be doing. Then when they come work for me, or anyone else, they will be in for a shock. And they will wind up like so many I have seen. Dissatisfied with everything they do, with no motivation to improve themselves. Then wondering why their job is going to Mexico or China, where the average worker considers it a blessing to be able to drive in the three screws and is thankful to do so.

And that phenomenon is SPREADING. It is no longer the exclusive threat to the unskilled worker. It is now happening to the highly skilled worker and the degreed worker. (I don't mean that non-degreed people don't have skills, or anything, just using the standard economic terms).

Geez, I'm getting preachy here, but you people in the services industries need to wake up. The manufacturing of durable goods is exiting this country. Services will follow. They always do. Why? Our wants are becoming our needs and our willingness to work for them is dwindling.

Go ahead. Bribe the kid for good behavior. Then when he can't hold a job because of this entitlement mentality, do you think the rest of us will bribe him to not rob us? Heck no. We'll throw him in jail.

Am I saying every bribed child will be some miscreant? No. It takes more than that. A good loving parent will raise a good kid, bribes or no bribes. But I have seen a lot of early 20 year olds go past my desk with no college or technical school. And I would say that maybe one in six has what I would call a "proper work ethic." The kind of work ethic that keeps them in the job. The other five, well they have the entitlement mentality. You OWE me for what I do. I'm entitled to GET more, regardless of whether or not I GIVE more. And I wonder who is teaching them this. That's reality.

NCW

Caren,

Sorry. Won't use bless anymore. I latched on to it after watching that Jim Carrey movie where he gets the power of God for a time. And at the end, he gets that line "be the blessing." I kind of think that it is a pretty noble thing to be a blessing to others, whenever we can. And I try and teach the kids this.

Also, I have no doubt that the way you are raising your kids isn't working. I mean, I can tell you are raising your kids well.

Why? Because you at least CONSIDER your actions. We may not agree (makes the world go round), but you have an opinion that you can back up with thought.

I am sure you are doing well with your kids simply because you think about what you are doing.

I am probably just too hung up on the word "bribe."

And I REALLY LIKE a thoughtful debate. It is how I learn and grow.

And I don't think I am being condescending, or at least don't mean to be. I have recently seen many families ravaged by this entitlement mentality. So I am probably hypersensitive to it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Geez, I'm getting preachy here </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Gee, ya think? I have no problem with you *Being a blessing* I just don't understand you saying you're blessing your kids or your kids are blessing someone else.....You do know you aren't omnipotent, right?

I didn't have a problem with your 3 screws story except that you speak of the people as if they're beneath you, that they lacked the intelligence to come up with "Hey I'll work faster...then they'll pay me more".

This all started with KMEJ's question is bribing the kids an okay thing....and we just thread-jacked the sh*t out of it......sorry KMEJ.

-Caren

I just don't understand you saying you're blessing your kids or your kids are blessing someone else.....You do know you aren't omnipotent, right?
Yes. I do know that I am not omnipotent. I think you are having a problem with my word "bless" in the same way I am having a problem with the word "bribe."

I walked my son over to a neighbors house to play the other day. It was a really windy day and it was garbage day. There were at least a dozen cans (empty) that had blown into the street. On the walk back, I stood up all the cans that were in the street by the garage doors. I "blessed" the people in the neighborhood. I did something nice because I wanted to. They did not know I did it. They probably didn't know it was done. Stuff like that. I don't mean some spiritual quasi-miracle when I say it. I just mean "a good turn" when I say it. To me, it is something nice that is done with no expectation of reward, or no reason for granting it other than it was needed.

I live in the south in the Bible belt. We just talk that way here.

...except that you speak of the people as if they're beneath you, that they lacked the intelligence to come up with "Hey I'll work faster...then they'll pay me more".
Actually, if you talked with the people on my shop floor, they will tell you I am one of their champions. I absolutely do not think they are beneath me. I involve them, and value their opinions and input. There are people in the skilled and salaried ranks with the same work ethic problem. I just chose the shop floor for my example. Easier to understand.

We tell them what the expectations are for a raise UP FRONT. They enter into the agreement knowing the rules of the game - why would it benefit us to withhold anything? All it does (if we "bait and switch them") is foster bad feelings and a poor environment. Some of them get it. These people learn, grow, do better, and are rewarded for it. Some of them don't. They hear what you say, claim they understand, then do not hold up their end of the bargain. Further, it is hard to fire them (esp. in publicly held companies) for non-performance. But they STILL turn around, come raise time, and say "Where's mine?" And you remind them of the previos conversation, frequently pulling out a document they signed showing what the expectations were all laid out in front of them. They just don't get it.

Gee, ya think?
Caren, I am very sorry if I sound to preachy on this manufacturing topic. I have no idea what your background is. Where you have worked, what you have done. But I have been in manufacturing for the last 12 years and the jobs I have held keep me in touch with many different factories and types of manufacturing. I have watched people march out the door, jobs they have held for YEARS having dried up. Good, solid, salt of the earth folks. Why? Because nobody wants to live near a plant. Because everyone wants to pay less. IMHO, the general public's wants have become needs, and their willingness to work is deteriorating. I don't want to sound like a harbinger of doom, but the ability to MAKE stuff is seriously declining in this country. We want everything clean and green. Our country probably has the most varied set of natural resources of any country in the world. The next step to having them is doing something with them. And that is what we don't seem to want to do here anymore. The trades are no longer a noble profession. And it is going to hurt us.

Probably going to catch some flak for this next statement, but I believe I have the right to say it as I DID serve overseas in the War on Terror.

I think the threat to the country because of this issue far exceeds the threat to the country because of terrorism, especially because it is so subversive.

Hey there, don't get on much over the weekends.

nc, nc, nc (don't you just hate that condescension?)

You are trying so hard to show unconditional love to your boys, complement them no matter what though? I don't think so, you complement them on the behavior you like for them to continue. They do these things for you and for others for the praise, fo rhte blessings they receive.

And yes, you can pat yourself on the back for the way the boys are behaving, but I think parents take FAR TOO much credit for their kids (good or bad) when God has a HUGE hand in it, and our kids are making their own choices, much to our surprise.

And you wrote this:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> If you give them bribes, you are teaching them they will be compensated (extra) for doing what they SHOULD be doing. Then when they come work for me, or anyone else, they will be in for a shock. And they will wind up like so many I have seen. Dissatisfied with everything they do, with no motivation to improve themselves. Then wondering why their job is going to Mexico or China, where the average worker considers it a blessing to be able to drive in the three screws and is thankful to do so.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I guess I have a problem with the use of bribe...as though it is used to denote illegal activity. Would your teachers at school still work there if you did not "bribe" them to show up every day and teach? No matter how dedicated be assured most would find another profession they would be "bribed" for their work so they could pay their bills and live.

And I wonder how much better a worker would become if you complemented their work, took special consideration, mentored them, guided them, treated them like you do your sons...if you went over and above giving them special positive attention, how much better a worker they would be...?

There is more to currency than money. And yes, many parents believe giving money to children is "bribing" them to do a good job...and if that is their ONLY motivation to do a good job, we are not teaching them anything but the love of money. But the money itself probably doesn't mean as much to a child as the message you are giving them that they are WORTHY of giving some hard earned cash to them, that their work is important enough to give up some very adult earned money to them...the attention of the money giving itself. It could be a sticker, or a piece of candy...it is the recognition that tells a child their work is important and recognized.

I'm sure you are a good dad nc, and you have found that wonderful blend of parenting to your son's strengths. But your parenting style does not mesh with every kid's personality. You have been fortunate, but your style does not fit for every child. And your indignant tut-tutting shows your lack of understanding for different situations.

As I said before, I have a child HIGHLY motivated by money. He is 11 and has a savings account, a college account, is a fantastic reader, and incredibly smart. He is a bit lazy, but is willing to do work around the house for hte $3 allowance I give him a week (if I feel he's done enough).

My daughter ont he other hand is HIGHLY motivated by social attention, and will do nearly ANYTHING for attention and praise from mom and dad, and an afternoon playing with friends. We give her an allowance IF she has helped out, but she usually leaves the money lying around and loses it (many weeks we've given her the same money again for the next week).

SHOULD they help out? Who says? They are part of the family, and if they FEEL a part of the family and want to help the family go, yes they will help out. My DD is quick to give up if she feels she is not getting attention or love, or if we start harrassing or yelling at her to clean up.

Generally what works for us is if we have a family meeting and explain WHY everyone should help out...that we will have as neat a house as WE make it, but everyone pitches in...we divvy up our jobs (we try to do that which we LIKE to do) and it works out for awhile. We had a discussion last night about saving energy and turning off lights, and the kids were diligent about turning off the lights...not because they had to, or because we asked them to, but because they saw the reason to and agreed to it.

The allowance idea was my son's. He wanted to earn some money, and even asked for a raise, thought he worked harder than DD (and he was right). We will stick to this until he suggests another change, or we see a problem.

We run our family like a Democracy...like a mini community...try to be realistic to the outside world so they won't be SOoooo shocked when they're on their own...

What was the question again? Oh yeah. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

My girls who are 10 and 13 don't get bribed.I don't feel comfortable about that word either.My girls have regular duties they do around the house that is contributing to it's care(household) and also caring for their things.For example,the girls are required to clear their dinner plates and napkins from the table after dinner and put them in the sink.They do not get paid for things like that,it's a responsibility.They take their clean clothes up from the basement and put them away in their drawers,another example.

However,my girls are older now and want to save money and purchase things for themselves and their friends birthday parties,etc so they also have chores that they do for an allowance.Like adults,they get paid for doing a job well done.They each made out a list of chores they do for the week(that I approved) for which they get paid when they accomplished these chores and marked them off on their charts.

This way,they are not always asking me for money,they know and understand that if something is really important to them that they want to buy,they will decide if it's worth it and if they have enough saved.Basically,they budget themselves and they each have their own bank account(savings).My youngest also saves for charity and I am so proud of her.

That's what we do.It works for us.

O

Anyone who says they have 'never' bribed their kids... is probably fudging the truth!

LOL

Pep

I almsot forgot what the question was while reading some of the responses. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

First of all KMEJ....I see no problem in "bribing" your children every now and then. I don't particularly like calling it bribing.....I like to call it "bargaining".

I do it ever so often, but not often enough for the girls to think that it will happen all the time.

My girls have their regular chores around the house....but there are some things that I will offer them money for doing....especially if it doesn't fall under the normal chores.

Not only is it helpful to the parents.....but it's a learning tool for the kids. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Now.....it hasn't degenerated my daughters one bit because I have "bargained" with them here and there.

They are quite respectable and respect others.....and are very helpful to others. Of that I am quite proud.


I also agree with Pep.

<small>[ February 22, 2005, 01:05 PM: Message edited by: Miss Priss ]</small>

My DD is on the basketball team from H*ll this year. Since December, the team has never jelled. There's no teamwork, the coaches don't coach, and don't have a clue. There's no functional game plan and the coaches' daughters can do no wrong. Talking to the coaches and trying to do teambuilding things with the girls haven't helped a bit. The team has been routinely massacred in every game.

Last game, a couple of us parents decided we needed to do something more. So, we started paying our daughters for baskets and assists. From the tip off, these girls were a lot more enthusiastic and it stayed with them all game. They shot better and passed more. At the end of the day, they had won their first game of the season.

Bribery? Yes, but it isn't cheap to signup for a league either. The $/basket thing got them more excited and into the game. Everybody on the team enjoyed the game more. It helped their self-esteem. The girls started to remember why they love basketball.

Bribery has it's place, just like criticism and praise have their place. Moderation in all things.