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Joined: Jan 2004
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I am so lonely on Sunday nights for some reason. Sunday nights are huge trigger nights for me. I dont know why I get like this. I dwell on what H/WS has said and done. I obsess over what everything means. WHY WHY WHY Do I do this? And the topper is, since I live in CA most everyone here is in bed at this time and I dont have anyone I can talk to. One Sunday, when son was at Dads, I drank myself into a drunken pity party. Ended up calling my mom and let it all out. Everyone thinks Im so strong. I pretend I am, but that night I sobbed and told my Mother everything. From childhood abuse to how much I miss H. Things I had never told anyone in my life. Now Im embarrased and wish I had never told her everything because I hate feeling stupid. I feel stupid that I can be sooooo weak. H keeps telling me he wants to save our marriage, our family. Yesterday we took son clothes shopping and had so much fun. H commented on how happy our son was. I smiled at him and agreed. When H picked us up I pointed out a big beige stain on his shirt, he looked at it and said it was from OW crying. WS steps in and he went on about her being very upset that he went out with friends the night before when they were supposed to spend this weekend working on their relationship. EXCUSE ME? I admit, a LB immediate rolled off my toungue. "Did you tell her you would work on your R with her this weekend?" He said" Yeah but where was I last night?, obviously I didnt want to." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Me" So you are playing both sides of the fence here? Telling us both you want to work it out? WS Alien" OW and I are just about through, she is on her way out" At that point I realized WS has taken over, I was buying into the chaos and drama. I went to the restroom, washed my face and hauled my dumb a** back into plan A. The rest of the day was fine. I believe Im ready for plan B. My love bank is draining fast and I want off this rollercoaster. Im ready to move on with my life WITH OR WITHOUT HIM. I just cannot find reason in his thinking. He thinks that if he is a big enough jerk that OW will leave, then he isnt the bad guy. Can we say passive-agressive? Yeah baby, make that OW leave you and lets save our M, that is the way...be a big idiot and I win you! At this point he is looking like a booby prize.
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Joined: Jun 2001
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Hi cookies,
Nice to meet you.
I'm up too - more in a minute.
-AD
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Joined: Jan 2004
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<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> YAY!! Another night owl...heehee
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Joined: Jun 2001
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It's almost 2am here. (US central time zone).
Things are not going well in my m either - closest to D that we have been. W still doesn't believe that OM is the problem.
We have been working out settlement terms. I can live with them - but can I live at all with the loneliness?
Don't know. Guess I'll find out in a few months - or maybe I should move out now. I've got another house - where I'm going to move anyway. Strange thing is - I'm afraid to sleep over there. Imagine that! Forty-something guy afraid to sleep in a home I lived in for 15 years.
My home is where my W and child are.
My w is almost the only person I talk to.
I'm very lonely.
You still there, cookies?
-AD
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Joined: May 2002
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Hey Cookies - It's noon here... You should pop into Idiotville... there are several of that are on the night shift there... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
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Joined: Jun 2001
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OK cookies, I'll leave you in the good hands of the I-ville crowd.
I had better sleep now.
G'night.
-AD
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Joined: Jan 2004
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We are currently seperated. Because Im an idiot and jumped the gun. Well, at the time it seemed like the right thing to do. Step away from the anger and the madness. If I could do it over again, I wouldnt have left my home. Now OW is living there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I havent been back since she moved in.
I miss my home. I miss my H. I miss my family. I miss H's quirky little habits, like obsessivly lining up our canned goods like little soldiers.
I miss how he used to wake me up with little suprises, like frappichinos or the newspaper in bed. I dont miss him staying gone for days at a time. Knowing he was with her. I dont miss him putting all the blame on me because I cheated too. I was stupid and had a revenge A. It was impulsive and I have never regretted anything more in my life.
Its like Im lost and cant find my way home....
I should have left a bread crumb trail.
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Joined: May 2002
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Hey AD - You're more than welcome to come over to I-ville too! You must have posted right before me...
I'm sorry that you guys are hurting so much... I've been away from my family for just about a year now... 60 more days and I fly home!
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Joined: Jan 2001
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He moved the OW into your home? What a golddigger she is. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> arrrrrgh..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> What's the matter? OW can't make it on her own? Gotta go steal another's home? Wicked wench. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Ok, enough of my venting, before I wear out these keyes making <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> graemlins. LOL!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Well I'm a couple of hours behind you. If you need to chat, let me know. You know what always scares me is that one day, I am gonna meet another BS here and she is dealing with the same wacko OW we had to deal with (affectioned dubbed PBR). We were from CA (Bay Area). YIKES!!! Wouldn't that be too weird. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Anywhoze, my addy: MBorchid2@yahoo.com take care, L.
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Cookies, I also find Sundays the most difficult. My situation is similar in that I also stepped away from the madness and we are separated. Mon - Fri I work and as my husband worked a 6-day week, I was used to him not being around on Saturday. On Sundays, it always seems like an intrusion on my friend's lives to ring them up or go and visit. In my head it is family day and we are no longer a proper family.
You're dealing with a lot more betrayals but I bet we feel the same inside! TT
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Orchid~ Im in the South Bay, OW is orginally from the East Bay area.
Im doing fine today. Had a fun day off with son.
I cant believe she is living in my home either. I havent been there since she moved in and I will never go there as long as she is living there. Imagine moving into another womans life. She is sleeping in my bed, with my sheets, looking at my pictures, cooking with my cookware, sitting on my sofa, and just basically surrounded by my life. WS and I have not divided up our things.
WS is an idiot. She is an idiot. Im an idiot for putting up with him sitting on the fence this long. Idiot convention in progress.
WOOHOO!!!!
With or without him....
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Joined: Jan 2001
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Hi Cookie, Ooohhh, that's scary. OW I knew lives in Hayward. She wanted to live in San Jose (re: t/b closer to the WS). Sound familar? She has a house in Hayward though. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I used to live in SJ. L.
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Orchid~ My idiot OW lived in Concord. She doesnt have a house and poor thing had to find a job because she could no longer afford to be a full time student. I guess she should have found a wealthier man to steal.
BTW~ Know any good MCs in SJ area?
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Morning Cookies, My MC was in Pacific Grove. He is great but too far away. By the time I got there I was either too worked up or too exhausted. LOL!!! Either way he had a challenge. I didn't go to any in San Jose. My H went to one, it was a lady IC in Campbell I think. He said he wasn't impressed but when he gave a recap it was similar to MB principals. Of course at the time he was a WS so why should he like anyone who recited MB principals? LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> OW's in Concord? They must be breeding them up there. There was another one in that area whose WS kicked the BS and children out on the street (literally). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I had to serve an RO notice on that creep. Can't you go back and claim your home? Let the WS go find another place to live. OW probably got cooties all over your home and it needs t/b fumigated. That's how I felt about WS' stuff he brought back to the house. LOL!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> L.
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