This morning b4 my WW went to work we had a bit of a discussion. In this discussion she said I was selfish for not seeing she really wanted to divorce and was only thinking of myself.

I totally exploded. I told her how dare her call me selfish. That she was the selfish one that she could go out and **** another man while I was home taking of our DDs. That while she was out doing this she was taking time away from them.

I went on to say that I couldn't believe she thought relationship with OM was so great since it wasn't based on reality but lies and deceit.

Things calmed down and I apologized for saying what I did right b4 she went to work and had a meeting.

I don't know what to do now. I had just reached a boiling point and exploded. I really believe that I just reinforced her wanting a divorce.

Anyway, thanks for listening. Comments appreciated.

CR

well I am reading and reading it..
and cant' see where you blew it...

you apoligized for what speaking the truth??

perhaps you need to retract your apology...

I was selfish for not seeing she really wanted to divorce and was only thinking of myself.

you could babble back that she was selfish cause you really want a yacht.....and she was only thinking of herself... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

tell me where you blew it again

ark

Thanks for the reply. I feel I blew it not because I wasn't telling the truth but because I feel doing what I did just pushed her further away and consider divorce as a more attractive option.
CR

speaking your pain and speaking the truth are and never will be the CAUSE of a WS doing anything....

the bigger threat is you living in fear that this is true...and therefor out of fear you condone or enable an affair....

what you said was true

the truth does not make you the reason it's true..
it is her actions that make it so

ark

While not familar with your situation I can tell you that all of us BS have reached our boiling point and said or did something we wish we had not.

Haveing said that I for the most part I agree with ARK, what you said was in fact truthful and in all likelihood needed to be said. However probably not in that tone and at that time but none of us are perfect. We make mistakes, stop beating yourself up for your percieved blunder and learn from it. Perhaps if you had expressed these feeling earlier in one of your "discussions" they would not have boiled over and been expressed in an angry manner.

I think your real question was what can I do now. First calm down. This one incident will not make or break your M. Do not obsess over a single act rather try to focus on the big picture task at hand, saving your M. I assume you are in plan A? That is basically being the best you that you can be. It is not about being perfect.

Best of luck to you and always remember IT'S A GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE!!

Thanks again for the replies.

Ark- U r absolutely correct. I feel my fear of losing my WW prevents me from speaking my feelings to her and in some ways does condone and enable her A.

Mr. E-I have now calmed down and will try not to beat myself up. It is just hard because I feel I have to be so perfect in order to get my WW back.

I feel my fear of losing my WW prevents me from speaking my feelings to her and in some ways does condone and enable her A.

Do not let that fear prevent you from being honest with her. You want honesty from you...you must give honesty TO her.

Make sure that your honesty is done in a way that it is not lovebusting...keep it all about you.

"I" statements.... "I feel hurt when you call me selfish for wanting to save my marriage and keep OUR family intact". "I feel sad for my children when their Mother is not here because she is with OM".

Those kind of statements will let her know that you do NOT condone her affair.

Now, the enabling part...have you exposed the affair? Lots of times that is what enables the affair...keeping it a secret.

JMHO
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