Well, I am so thankful for such a wonderful weekend, but now I'm not feeling so hot.<P>I feel very much like I did after the first few weeks after losing our daughters. Like I'm some sort of sad zombie.<P>I think I'm pretty much over the angry stage, although I still don't think my H has told me the entire truth. It's like I'm afraid to be happy because if he ever tells me the rest of it, I'll have to go through the whole thing again.<P>He is still being so sweet and loving, but the trust issue is still there.<P>I'm not lovebusting; it's easy to be loving toward him when he's being so wonderful. However, we're not discussing any of this; and he doesn't want to talk about it--just wants to put it all into the past.<P>I'm just feeling overwhelmed with sadness, and I'm wondering how long it will take to get past this.<P>Oh, well, I've got another counseling session next week, so maybe that will help.<BR>

From my perspective, for me, I found myself extremely angry, then extremely happy, then just a tad bit less angry then a tad bit less happy, and less and less.<P>The pendelum swings one way, then the other part of that roller coaster, but I learn something each time, and it seems to be less and less extreme each time. It's flattening out with time.<P><BR>

Sweetpea,<BR>I know what you mean.... I am scared to be happy, because I know the devistation that happens when it all comes crashing down. That's exactly where I am right now.... running scared because things are looking up.<BR>Wish there was more I could do or say.... but I'm so confused myself right now, I don't know which end is up.<P>Thoughts & prayers,<BR>Butterfly ~ Queen of Scrambled Brains! <P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>

hi sp, butterfly, tnt. We do get afraid to be happy because we know it will be followed by sadness or depression? Sure, it can be. But it is not true everytime. I think that this is a very tough fear to overcome. If you don't risk it then you do not know if the sadness will come next time right? Even if it came the last 14 times, that is not guarantee that the 15th time will be the same. So, I say shed the fear and see what happens. If you are happy and feel good, that is wonderful. The sadness may follow, but that is okay-you have seen that it lifts also. You know that no state is constant, so you can work toward changing it.<BR>All those emotions are necessary parts of our lives. "it's the dream afraid of waking that never takes a chance..."

Boy, do I know how you feel. I'm at the same point right now. I'm just waiting for the sky to fall. We are doing so well right now but yet I'm still afraid that he will change his mind and stay with the OW. He keeps saying over and over again how much he wants to come home but I guess the trust isn't there anymore. I guess, really, I can't expect it to be. I to am so scared of getting hurt like that again. I just don't know if I can go through this again. I hope that I feel better again soon. I'm tired of this saddness. I had hoped it was behind me.<p>[This message has been edited by crazy or what? (edited September 21, 1999).]

I'm not usually one to quote from movies for life philosophy, particularly sappy, tear-jerker movies, but have any of you seen ONE TRUE THING?<P>To me, this film is redeemed completely by the few minutes in which Kate (Meryl Streep) tells her daughter "There's nothing about your father that you know, that I don't know." She then goes on to talk about "choosing to be happy." <P>It's an unbelievable piece of screenwriting. The movie is often sappy, often powerful, very sad. But if you haven't seen this speech, watch the film, even if for just that.