It is me again. The Roller Coaster just keeps on going. I finally reached a point where I felt like I was in control of my life and able to say hey I am worth it and I deserve better. I was prepared to move on with my life with or without my husband who was now living in an apartment seeing the OW on a regular basis. While I remained in the home with our now 10 month old child (our first) the Affair began 3 weeks after he was born and as with each of the books it was with someone he knew, someone we all knew as she was our employee in a business that had been my husband and my (as well as our business partners my parents) dream. My H had left on three other occasions and returned home each time only to say he was in it all the while picking up the phone again. The last time he left because she claimed to be pregnant (something that even he could not get proof of) Somewhere in his time away it struck him that she wasn’t all that she was cracked up to be and that beneath the lies and the sex there wasn’t much there certainly not a love to last a life time. A week ago he ended with her. He showed through his actions not just his words he was serious, never hesitating to do anything to protect us and to have NC with her. Due to the fact he could not get his work phone number changed on such short notice he did put in the request and gave me the remote access code so I could screen the calls and he never logged into his phone while at work. He eliminated the e-mail account he had used packed up all her things, mailed them off to her, told her it was over for good and it was his choice bottom line he loved his wife and family and wanted to make this marriage work. He put a block on his work e-mail but unfortunately it only highlighted that he had junk e-mail instead of blocking it so he forwarded the e-mail to me and called me immediately, he gave me his mail key at his apartment and from the countless calls to my cell phone, our home phone and his work phone she clearly is not talking to him.

He said he has not interested in talking to her, he wants that chapter closed but she will not go away. I have blocked my e-mail and do not take her calls and will change both my numbers to avoid her communications. Having done all that you would think that she might go away but today she pulled one I never thought of.. she e-mailed my parents and asked them to pleaser read her apology to the family – It was no apology but rather a lot of muddy water. She told them all kinds of things about my husband to cast doubt in everyone’s mind thinking he had not been upfront with them. He had shared almost all the things she noted with a few where she claimed he needed to be checked to see if he was a sex addict or tried to imply there were all these deep dark secretes as if to hold something over my head…. (some of the things were really not my parents business, although I knew them they did not need to know them and were really in poor taste and out of context) . It came with the warning that she should not be the only one punished and I should never have taken him back because he will cheat again and again and again….It really ticked off my mom more than anything. How do you get her to go away and leave us alone!!!

I am holding fast to the fact that we can make a marriage that is affair proof and that while we will never have the same trust as we once did we can still have a good relationship and in some cases one better than we had before filled with meeting each others most important needs. And today I have a partner in that. We went away for the better part of last week and spent many hours talking. He had to go away on business (I know not a good idea – but not much I could do about it – He was not happy about going and has done what he can to give me his whereabouts and make me feel as comfortable as possible under the circumstances) He even took many of the books and tapes I had read but he was not previously interested in. He has an apartment and I am in the house. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to reconnect. I am hesitant to have him move back in right away in some regards I think we should date and work on us before he returns to the home and I am not sure how long that will take (at the same time it does not help me knowing his 24 hour activities) I am looking for help on this one!

I think your husband is learning a GOOD leason. He got involved with a nutcase and now is paying for it. This may teach him never to do something like this again. Your marraige can be saved. It will take commitment from both of you. Good luck and God bless.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Lost Lucy:
<strong> I am hesitant to have him move back in right away in some regards I think we should date and work on us before he returns to the home and I am not sure how long that will take (at the same time it does not help me knowing his 24 hour activities) I am looking for help on this one! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, this message board is littered with examples and stories of why letting him back so soon ***almost**** never works.

your quote from above--> "My H had left on three other occasions and returned home each time only to say he was in it all the while picking up the phone again".

IF YOU KEEP ON DOING WHAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS DONE, YOU'LL KEEP ON GETTING WHAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS GOT!

Goodluck with your recovery <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LM

The only way to be assured that she goes away is to get a restraining order for both you and your husband as well as your parents. You need to be protected. This letter that she sent will not bode well with any judge. It will protect him at the apartment too. Of course you know it was nothing more than a veiled attempt to re-establish contact in the situation. Your company also needs to be protected from law suits from her. The RO will provide a legal record that will establish her destruction of your family as well as company. She could possibly go to cocmpetitors as well as clients to do damage. So many ow are predators whose mental illness is best expressed at the destruction of others. This has little to do with you, your husband or company but more to do with her mental illness. Like a cat, she'll tire of her play with you and hopefully it will be before she's killed the mice. She'll move onto other prey. Make her think before she messes with you again and another family. Remember this has nothing to do with you but her sickness. Keeping that in mind will make the whole thing easier to deal with. Use the court system to protect yourself...it's what it's there for. I suspect your husband is now seeing her for what she is and soon your eyes will be fully opened to the potential of her destruction. Get the RO today!

Getting a restraining order sounds like a really good idea.

This woman sounds pretty unstable and vindictive.

I hope your WH has learned his lesson and now knows better than to fool around again!

Well - I talked to an attorney today who recommended a PPO however advised due to my job that it would be best for my Husband and my parents to have a PPO put on her. My husband agreed to do it witout hesitation.

And the answer to my own question will she go away? Not any time soon. Today she mailed a packaged filled with little zip lock baggies each having some toy in it with a little note on how she liked it, how he liked it etc. She enclosed an e-mail from him and wrote a letter that of couse brought to light he had lied to me (before coming back to the relationship- but his new years promise to everyone especailly him self was that he was not going to lie to anyone) In any case that did not take the cake after her belonging were shipped to her last week she called my H and wondered about the clothes in the closet (I get his calls/messages so he never heard it) He gave me keys to his apt and there I found a ugly lingerie piece hanging in the closet - he had no idea she had sandwhiched it between his clothes - he did note it was hers and he had not picked it out and he was not aware she had left it or he would have packed it up too. She called and left a message telling my husband today about not packaging her things in boxes that were from his son's car seat. So now we know she told him about the lingerie in the closet he mails it she complains about how he mailed in and in the box she sent she returns it with a note saying it was not hers and we are both screwed. What an idiot!!!

In any case I am returning to box to the sender! She can dispose of it!!!

Could't help but share!

So we will have the PPO soon the only thing that bothers me is that if she appeals she will need to appear in court and they will see one another so much for NO Contact!!

Since she's all about exposure..I'd mail it to her parents instead.

I bet Mom and Dad would just LOVE a box full of sex toys complete with instructions on how she likes it.

{wicked} Noodle

I like the way you think!!! And she is all about exposure, she wants to expose my husband as if he had not told me or my parents what had gone one she was attempting to find comfort in knowing that she was not the bad guy and how could people forgive my H.