Hey Noodle,

Just wondering how it all went?
Did you get the letter done and how did it go?

Hope all is well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Noodle,

Is it too late to ask about the letter? I would let him know that you don't feel safe. Can't put your finger on exactly why but you just don't feel safe. Press the safety factor and let all the rest hinge on it.

That is what I did with my Xws. All that ILY wasn't good enough. He already had to earn back my trust, now he needed to show me that he could and would make me feel safe. He did but it sure took longer than I wanted. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

Noodle, are ya' out there?

Would really like to talk to you here. I get IT too, but my H doesn't and I honestly don't know that he EVER will.

I totally agree with you: If it makes you uncomfortable, that is enuf reason. YOU are not being unreasonable, esp. since he made HIMSELF untrustworthy and made you uncomfortable. Did you go looking to be uncomfortable or non-trusting? I don't think so.

My sitch is comprable to yours in many ways. My H would never admit A, but taped him saying many things that he had lied to me about. Yes, I did not always make him feel safe so that he would tell me everything, but I gave him ample (I mean AMPLE opportunity to ctell me about the EXACT things he was lying to me about), and even asked him if he was unhappy - in a very safe way - about those EXACT things. He still does not understand WHY I do not trust him to be Open and Honest. He thinks that since he TELLS me he is being Open and Honest, then I should believe him, even though he has said that before and been caught in MANY lies.

I think that writing a boundary letter is a great idea. I also think that you should include FACTS about what YOU will do if he does not RESPECT those boundaries.

Frozen, I think that your advice was great and your offer is probably appreciated. I hope that you will look into my threads in the future. I am sure that I could use your advice!!

And Noodle, you should post your letter here if you feel comfortable doing so. I, for one, would love to read it and maybe even steal some of your concepts (if you don't mind)...And I bet Frozen's editting would be very helpful.

Good Luck, Noodle!!

jls

Noodle, are ya' out there?

Would really like to talk to you here. I get IT too, but my H doesn't and I honestly don't know that he EVER will.

I totally agree with you: If it makes you uncomfortable, that is enuf reason. YOU are not being unreasonable, esp. since he made HIMSELF untrustworthy and made you uncomfortable. Did you go looking to be uncomfortable or non-trusting? I don't think so.

My sitch is comprable to yours in many ways. My H would never admit A, but taped him saying many things that he had lied to me about. Yes, I did not always make him feel safe so that he would tell me everything, but I gave him ample (I mean AMPLE opportunity to ctell me about the EXACT things he was lying to me about), and even asked him if he was unhappy - in a very safe way - about those EXACT things. He still does not understand WHY I do not trust him to be Open and Honest. He thinks that since he TELLS me he is being Open and Honest, then I should believe him, even though he has said that before and been caught in MANY lies.

I think that writing a boundary letter is a great idea. I also think that you should include FACTS about what YOU will do if he does not RESPECT those boundaries.

Frozen, I think that your advice was great and your offer is probably appreciated. I hope that you will look into my threads in the future. I am sure that I could use your advice!!

And Noodle, you should post your letter here if you feel comfortable doing so. I, for one, would love to read it and maybe even steal some of your concepts (if you don't mind)...And I bet Frozen's editting would be very helpful.

Good Luck, Noodle!!

jls