Well, WH left again this Thursday night. He had been home for four months and we did MC and I thought attempted to make our Marriage work. He never did. He never stopped talking to ow even though she was 4 states away. He left two weeks ago, "to Think" and went to see her. He came back the weekend before Valentines day and we talked and cried and everything.

He decided this past Thursday night that he can not put me through it anymore. He says he is not happy. He still says it is not her, that he does not want to go have a life with her, but he is not the husband that I want. But, he left and is where she is. i can tell by the phone records. i called him when I realized that he was gone, he answered and said he was going to his mom's. he never showed there, and has not called either of us. What a coward. How can you tell your mom you are coming to stay with her and never show or call.

He is with OW. I can not believe that during the 4 months he was here, he called her everyday all day, but he is gone 4 days and can not even call me to fess up.

He says he is doing the best thing for me. I just wish he would be a man and say it is because he is with her. He still says he is just not happy. He can not see it.

He has continued to lie for a year. I do not think i could ever believe him again, if he even decided to try again. Maybe I will not either.

I even had to tell his work last night. He was fired from his job after the affair and after moving back with me he got a part time job. Well, they called last night, because he did not tell them the truth either. How embarressing to tell people you really do not know, he is gone and I have not heard from him. Do what you have to do?

i have not called him. I will not. But the Plan B letter is not in the mail, because I am not sure where to send it. i think I have her address, but she is so crazy, I do not think she would give it to him.

I would not try to contact him either...take his next contact and insist you need an address to send him his mail...etc...and then send the plan B letter after that....

OR
send the plan B letter to his mom to forward to him..

seek legal counsel
fincancial safety..move monies etc...

sorry about this...

it's not over yet....
it's gonna get bumpy though..

ARK

(((((((love))))))))))) I don't have any good advice, just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry he left. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

-Caren

Thanks for the replies. I guess I will wait until he calls. Eventually he will. He only took all of his clothes. He says he does not need anything else. Evidently she is doing pretty well off after her seperation. I know he would want his books though, and if he wants to seperate legally I told him he would have to file, he did it and he can file. My mind may change on that, but that is how I feel now.

I am not sure if it is over or not. I really do not think he could face me again, even if he realizes what a mistake he has made one day. He would probably just be on his own, because he knows how much he put me through.

You have been going through this for a long time, been fighting for your M, been concerned about what he is doing or not doing. It's time to stop thinking about him, and what he can do or not do to save this M.

Time to think of yourself. This is a scary thought, this independent thinking, because it seems like you are giving up, but you are not. REALLY decide what you want, and what kind of M you want. Don't think of how he can fit in there...make your plans, then act accordingly.

That's great that you told him HE had to file. If it is not what you wanted, then HE has to do it, don't do it for him if it is not what you want.

What do you expect from a M and a spouse? And what can you do to make the best M you can, on your end? What have you become you are not proud of? What changes can you make in yourself? What hobbies, activities, school, etc.

I have been fighting very long. I am doing ok these last few days. I have so many friends that support me. THey can not believe what he has done. I am doing the things I have always done, working out, playing sports, went out to a movie, went out with friends. This is only in 4 days. He left less than a week ago.

Finally got a call from him. He left a message on our home phone, when he knew I would be at work. Message, "just calling to see how you were and if you were ok, I am ok, I have not heard from you, just call me on my cell". He also talked to his mom. i talked to her to tell her about the message. She said he said about 10 words and just said he was in other state, but never mentioned her name, of course. He said he was ok and that he was in other state for now. She said he seemed down. I said it is probably part of the act.

SHould I call? I had to talk to his work and also his student loan place has called. Maybe I will just leave those two facts on his voice mail, and nothing else about me. Just to not call anymore as long as his affair is continuing. I know he will not answer, so it will have to be a message...

I am so sorry. Your first post reminded me of my husband. I heard those things word for word from him. He left Thursday saying he was going down to his mom's house which is about 6 hours away to take his guy friend out for his bday. He told me he was not going to the OW's house. Of course I hear that everytime he goes. So I do not believe him anymore. I have not heard from him since Sat. And when he did talk to me Sat he actually talked to me with the OW beside him. So he was rude, uncaring, loud and very disrespectful to me. Since that time he has turned his cell off. His mom cannot reach him nor his sister. I have not tried to call. He is taking off work day after day. I think soon he may be fired. It's like nothing matters in his world right at this moment but this OW. Not even his children.

Yes when he is around he is a good father but the key word is WHEN.

I also am not going to call him. I refuse. I am tired of this whole thing. I hope he wakes up out of his little fantasy world soon. But now I am focused on protecting me and my children. I am doing things I enjoy and trying to make our home a happy one even though we all are hurting.

I think I will not call unless I continue to get calls from his work or his loan place. Then I will only do it to say please call these places, I have to face enough people and tell them you are gone back down there. Exposure again, is not a problem. I know people just think i am crazy for ever wanting him back now. He has lied to me forever. Why would I want him back. How will I know if he is ever truthful...I will tell him that people know again, I think he thought I was going to sit in the house and mope and not let anyone know. He thinks I am telling people, it just did not work out. Well, I am telling the facts.. No lies from me.