Spoke with my WS today. She tells me what a great person I am but she still wants a divorce and get it over with. I filed in the middle of her EA (because she would not talk to me and because it was her 3rd EA that may have been a PA.) She has given me every “fog” excuse under the sun over the last 6 months. She once admitted to an EA and then retracted it 2 days later. She has yet to truly open up to me.

I told her very kindly today (for the 100th time) that this is wrong. We are moving too fast and we should not be giving up on a 19-year marriage. I have apologized for filing for divorce and said it was wrong (but she so wanted me to file).

I offered to sit down with her and compromise tonight on our situation. I said I would like to explore other options other than divorce. She said no. I said then we should slow the process down – she said she had to go and hung up.

This is so sad… If she would just open up to me. She tells me of guilt but will not explain it. She says I am a great husband, father and person but wants a divorce. Why, why can’t I get through to her?

What do I do? We did have a good marriage. We were very kind to each other but I know I did not meet all of her En’s and I have told her that. She will not even acknowledge that!

She acts like a teenager, young friends, out a lot. She moved out and got a tattoo and a new vehicle. I have offered her the world to just work on the marriage and she says no.

The person she had (or is having) an EA with does not seem to be interested. If that is the case, then why? Why? Why?

IMHO, don't bargain with a WS. Identify and set your boundaries. You can bargain with your W not the WS.

Why would you want to give the world to a WS?

L.

Orchid,
So you are saying stand my ground? Delay the divorce? Not sign the settlement? Show her I am fighting for the marraige?

Keith

I am saying to do what you need to protect yourself, your family and your love for her. Don't bargain with a WS. It will not accomplish anything of value and may create more hurt.

The WS needs to feed on control of the BS and family. Remove yourself from that control and see how long the WS survives as such.

Remember that you want your W back not the WS.

I can't tell you what to stall or proceed on. If you made commitments to on the D or separation, then keep your word. Don't allow the WS to see that you are wishy washy. If you don't want to regret your actions, plan wisely. Don't make threats or emotional decisions in the heat of the moment. That's what WS' do.

L.

BHINWI,
If you are not sure you want a divorce, there is no reason you must go through with it right now. You sound as though you want to try and hold your marriage together, so in that case, getting a divorce won't accomplish that. BUT, your WW is acting very destructively to you and your family.

Is it perhaps time to think about Plan B instead of a divorce? Sounds like you have been working on this problem for awhile and with 3 DD's are you sure she is ever going to be who you want her to be?

Only you can know, what is going to protect you/kids from long term harm. Do what is the right thing YOU think is to do and not what WW thinks. She is not in a place to control decisions right now, even though she wants to. Orchid is very right about that IMO.

(((((((Keith))))))) - be strong. Either path is very hard.

Gentlsoul,

Yes, I have worked on this since last May. And I have worked on this 2 other times. This time has taken a severe toll on me physically and mentally. But, I have 2 beautiful children and I miss them and my W (not my WS) so very, very much.

In between my WS EA's she was such a good wife, person, friend. When she has these episoides she changes into someone I don't know. The hurtfull things she says to me are beyond cruel.

I will forge ahead. I married her for better or worse and right now it is the worst. I will take care of my DS and DD. I have come this far, I can keep going.

Keith