WW/STBXW has filed for D. We have a hearing coming up next week in which she is asking the court to grant her temporary sole possession of the home (boot me out but I still get to pay half the bills)and physical custody of DS with visitation rights for me (temporary child support according to state calculations).

Does anyone have any experience here? Remember, I am the BS. I have made every house payment on our home (STBXW paid the utilities). I am making a case that I was the primary caretaker for DS (which I believe I was and I am bringing in daycare providers/witnesses to back my claim). STBXW makes a little more money than I do. So it's not like we're talking about a SAHM here, she's a professional businesswoman.

I am just scared to death that WW/STBXW is going to get me booted out of the house. If this happens, this system is crap. Women want equal rights in everything until it comes to something like this, then she claims to be the mother (even though she didn't act that way), and that she shouldn't be turned out (even though she had the affairs). If this all comes to be, I am ruined financially. I cannot support (essentially) two households with child support on my income with my current obligations. I have already enlisted help to find me a temporary place to rent, month to month, just in case. No easy task finding this when you don't have any idea what you can budget.

My lawyer has counterfiled claiming an at-fault divorce (adultery). In our temporary agreement we are asking for the same things (WW gets booted, I get custody, she pay CS) except I am not asking her to make any house payments, she would have no obligations for house or utilities. Also, lawyer requested that she pay MY attorneys fees since I have always seeked to reconcile while she started the D action.

Has anyone been involved witht hese temporary hearings? Do they tend to favor the female even though she (legally, I guess) is the cause of this M breakup?

If I met my W for the first time today, I would run as fast as I could!

Bumping this up for Bear. Sorry Bear I don't have experience you are requesting but maybe others might.

I hope you get what you are setup t/d. Sorry you are dealing with this crap.

Hugz,
L.

Bear not sure what state your in. Did your WW move out? Did she take most of her belongings with her? Did she get her mail delivery changed? If she did a lot of that it shows a change in principal residence which is no longer the house. I would contest that one for sure.
Have you had DS most of the time? Did you two have a set visitation? Make note of all the time she did or didn't spend with him.

Take Care I will be praying for you

Thanks Orchid. I put it on this forum because of all the traffic. I posed the same question on the Divorce board (man, it feels weird to type that) and received some response. No BH that was/is in my sitch has replied though.

Of course I am nervous about all this and just want to see if I can get a peak at the future. i do know, however, that all sitches, judges, courts, state laws are different.

You know what has really complicated all this. STBXW/WW is now a Supermom. She shares equally in the daycare runs. Cleans, cooks, laundry, etc. It's a new person, but the only reason for it is because she know the custody issue is coming up and she had to change her ways.

Suprise, she changed the week she filed for D. Now if only she put that much effort into our M.

We live in the same house. No address change, etc. WW did "move in" with her parents for a while. She never officially moved, just stayed over there each night.

Bear,

A WS does these things in spurts. They can try to make it appear they are all in check but reality bites. Just a matter of when.

U keep being the best parent you can be. Her slip up will come. You have to be patient for it.

Maybe it w/b better to postpone the D and see how long this 'supermome' syndrome lasts.

JMHO,
L.

<small>[ February 23, 2005, 02:31 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

Bear,

I'm so sorry to hear about this turn of events.

I suspect, and I'm sure that you do also..that the time to strike would have been when she was down and out.

Whoever said it's not good to kick someone when they are down already? Best d*mn time to do it really..after all, you ARE kicking them..being nice is sort of a moot point. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I understand completely why you didn't act of course..and I have lingering concerns about the failure of BSs to act in this capacity and thus protect the home and family BEFORE the WS gets the big guns out [particularly as it relates to plan A]..we already know they are willing to play dirty.

I wish I had some wisdom to share..but I really think that the best thing at this point is to follow carefully any advice your lawyer gives you. From now on don't hold back for fear of skinned knuckles..hers or your own.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Noodle

Noodle- Lawyer had to snap me back to Earth. I will attest that the BS fog is true. We give and give. To an outsider, they see it, they call the WS controlling the BS life (funny, I thought I was the controlling one). He told me to get my head out of my a**. That he could rollover with the best of them but I'd be a fool to let that happen.

I just gave him the info, the evidence, my story, etc. Told him what I wanted and said whatever it takes, do it. He's the pro. This is my first (and praying last) dealing with a D. I have to trust he knows what is up.

You kept a journal didn't you? If you documented her slacker behavior in the past and her sudden conversion to Supermom, it might help your case.

I have no experience in this area other than I went to see an attorney when my wife went off the deep end. He wanted $1000 dollars to start divorce proceedings. I was only interested in legal separation; he pushed hard for divorce, basically telling me that I was fooling myself to think that we would ever stay together and be happy. I'm happy to report that he was 100% wrong.

My conclusion: Lawyers' agenda, in general, is to stir things up and set man and wife against each other. They have no interest in saving marriages.

When involved with divorce issues / stuff ... it's wise to lawyer up and keep your mouth mostly shut. Let your lawyer handle everything.

Pep

Double post

<small>[ February 23, 2005, 03:57 PM: Message edited by: Bear04. ]</small>

Legato- It is a delicate game. I believe I need to error on the side of protecting myself and DS. Sorry if WW is offended in court about having to hear about her sordid affairs.

Also, remember, she filed the papers, not me. I am the defendant in this action.

Yes, I agree; protect yourself. Just my own personal bias against lawyers speaking there.

Here's an old saying I heard somewhere - I think it's origin is Arabic or Islamic - "Trust in the Lord - but tie up your camel."

Hi Bear,

Well I went through the same thing that you did about a week ago. Same sitch as you, my STBXW filed for D, however she only wanted physical custody of the 3 kids with me having visits. She had already moved out into her own appt. She didn't help pay any bills or groceries. So we're kind of different there.

At the trial her and I both got up on the stand and the lawyers asked us a few questions. It wasn't long. They just kind of got some background info. Then my lawyer started to lay the ground work of during the last 4 months who watched the kids more. I was home by 6:30 every night and went "out" maybe 1-2 times which my STBXW confirmed. During my testimony we tried to submit the journal that I made up, but her lawyer objected to that as hearsay. So all I could say was that she was going out 10-20 times a month. That I always put the kids to bed/made dinners/ basically a SAHD although that's not true.

Anyway, well after that short hearing the judge said I get temporary physical custody with CS being setup and paid to me. She gets to have the kids 1-2 overnights per week depending on my work schedule.

I don't have much advice as far as the house goes, but this is what I've gone through as far as custody.

Native