The Middle Wife - By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years.
I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell.
So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show- and-tell is pretty tame.
Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that.
And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant.
"This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.

"First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, Oh, oh, oh!'
Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans.
"She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh! "

Now the kid's doing this hysterical Duck Walk, holding her back and groaning.
"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man."

"They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this."
Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.

"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!"
This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming water flowing away. It was too much!

"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push, and breathe, breathe".
They started counting, but never even got past ten.

"Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother.
He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said it was from Mom's play-center! , so there must be a lot of stuff inside there."

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.
I'm sure I applauded the loudest.

Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.
*******************
Just thought this was cute, and hoped it might bring a smile or at least a Grin to any that might choose to read it.
later

loved it -brought tears to my eyes from laughing

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . I think we should have kids do the news. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks for sharing.

L.

A very long time ago ....

My baby brother (who is turning 50 in July ! ) was leaving the house for school, and Mom noticed a large bulge in his pants pocket.

Mom asked him what he had in there.

He told her it was for show and tell.

She said "What is it?"

He said "It's a bandaid for army men."

Mom said "Let me see it."

It was a sanitary napkin.

~LOL~

Pep

<small>[ February 23, 2005, 02:32 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Oh Pep, that was too funny and real!?!?!?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I heard a story about a young girl (about 6)... I think I told this story here a few years ago.

Well this little girl was helping her mom set the table. It was for a Sunday dinner so the mother invited the pastor, his wife, her parents and some friends over for a nice Sunday dinner.

It was her daughter's job to set the table. The mother was in the kitchen putting the last touches on the nice dinner and noticed unusual smiles or smirks on her guests as she entered the dining room. The table was set with all the silverware, plates, glasses etc. Rolls and salad were already set out by some helpful guests. But everyone was seated and smiling in an odd sort of way.

The mother set her main dish on the table. To her horror as she sat down she noticed the 'napkins on the table were her large santitary napkins. She looked in horrr at her daughter. Each napkin had been placed next each plate with the knife, fork and spoon delicately placed on that 'large' napkin.

The still shaking mother asked the daughter what was the meaning of this? Her little girl replied, "mom, you said to get out the special napkins and you always told me these were 'your special napkins'." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.