Ark, you wrote:

love is not the answer

and love is not enough......

so my answer to your question would not be love...

*********

What is the answer?

Is love still not enough when it's no longer a feeling or a desire but a decision?

loy gotta run the kidlets to karate...which I am really starting to question..

why am i paying someone to teach them how to attack...when I am already outnumbered...
I'm not very smart...you know...

they already own serious weapons better known as marshmellow shooter guns....

and now karate class...

I must get my head examined...

ARK

Ark:

LOL @ why am i paying someone to teach them how to attack...when I am already outnumbered... LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, yeah....and my .02 cents is.....love isn't enough.....there has to be so much more....and it's work, I've discovered....I guess all those people knew what they were talking about.

-Caren

Love is not enough? Yet, without love you have nothing. Paradoxical, actually.

My guess is this.

If your Giver is talking, Love is enough.

If your Taker is talking, It is not.

<shrug>

Let me throw out my wholly biased take on this.

Love, the emotion, is meaningless. Seriously. It will never make a difference to anyone but ourselves. I mean, it is not like anyone else can feel us loving them.

The things that go along with being in love...the mutual respect, admiration, "us against the world" stuff can be the basis of a VERY strong and lasting marital relationship, especially when backed by openness, commitment, and honesty, without regard to our specific emotional states at any given time.

Feeling love towards someone can be a source of inspiration to the one that feels it, I suppose. A metaphorical breeze in the sails to help him or her get to the destination of a fulfilling marriage. But in and of itself, it is just an emotion. Nothing more. A pleasant one, sure. But ultimately having nothing to do with anything but the person feeling it.

Like, I said, I am baised. If I were given the clear choice between mad passion and "true love", and a relationship based on compassion, honesty, and other personal virtues.....

Wouldn't even have to think about it. If I felt the love in addition, I am sure I would enjoy it. But if it were a case of one or the other...give me the other. It lasts. Emotions, ALL emotions, have always been transitory in my experience.

Mind you, I am a litle cynical nowadays. Might change my mind tomorrow. After all, cynicism is kind of an emotional state for me, too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

-OAK

Obviously what I am going to ramble is just my opinion...

I agree with a lot of what oak said...

I don't believe in unconditional love....though I believe that God is the one being capable of such a thing...and actually does such a thing....
and that even God's unconditional love is backed up with actions.....
eternal life...
gifts of Grace
peace
etc...

love is not just feelings...obviously it is really an action word/verb....

loving unconditionally with action can be dangerous in my opinion for it can quickly become nothing more than enabling or exposing oneself to gross amounts of abuse.....

sometimes the abuse comes in form of an affair...but it can also be a multitude of things...that are NOT acceptable in a healthy life/relationship but are tolerated because a person's statements of....

but I love them....

so sometimes even those we love ...we must let go ...and then we no longer engage with those persons actions that are loving.....so even though we may 'feel' emotions...we no longer act on those feelings...

so we may still feel love for someone who is out of our life....
we are in no position to act loving...
because none of our actions of love have or can change the root problems...therefor in my opinion love is not enough...

Patriot said...

If your Giver is talking, Love is enough.

If your Taker is talking, It is not.

some times no matter the amount of giving one offers...it doesn't or can't make a relationship healthy...and if pursued can enable/create an even more unhealthy relationship....

sometimes the acts of love
the words of love
the feelings of love

are not enough and can sometimes serve no purpose ...

does love always need a purpose....
well sort of...if you see it as an action/verb...
one can certainly love from an afar...
which is fine...but loving from afar does not make a co-hesive relationship...

just my rambling thoughts..
ARK

OK:

So, love doesn't make a healthy relationship. It is not a litmus test for success. What is? What makes a relationship healthy?

Is it care? Protection? Honesty?

I think love can be used as an excuse for tolerateing abuse. But I think that true love and compassion for your spouse will help you take steps to stop enableing abuse. When you care more about your spouses poor behavior than saving the marriage. Cause if you're willing to save the marraige at any cost, your more concerned about the marraige than about love and care.

Caren said, ".02 cents is.....love isn't enough.....there has to be so much more....and it's work, I've discovered...."

Well, maybe what isn't enough is passion or "in love" feelings. "In love" isn't enought. Maybe love, the undiluted love that digs in and struggles, that fights for what is right, is what we learn in marriage and parenting. It is work. It is a battle. It is founded in values, responsibilities, and compassion.

And maybe love is caring enough to let go.

But, maybe this thing I'm calling love should really be called something else? Perhaps I have the wrong name on what I'm describing.

Ark: just read the tdr post and I see what you mean about people using love to tolerate abuse.

I think it's hard for some people to identify disrespect when it's so close to them. Then, there is hopefully something reveals the situation clearly. I think Plan A helps people get ready for plan B. Of course, that has been said a lot. Duh.