Ok....I'm back,
Greegan....I know, I knew this long distance relationship with Dr. Egomaniac was destined for the basement of the outhouse, but this is out of left field. She has not once, in 14 mos. indicated that she wanted anything but out.
KMEJ, appreciate the sentiment, but it's not just about me.
My tornadoes factor into this. I would not deny them an intact family to prevent my own pain. Heck, I'd die and kill for them in a heartbeat; I certainly will examine the opportunity if it is seriously tendered. I would prevent the pain they would have to endure in regards to observing their parents embark on a futile reconciliation however. That is where my concern now lies.
I'd like to say this would be a no brainer without kids, but I never thought I'd be here with an unfaithful spouse with kids. I cannot therefore assume I'd be divorcing within a reality I'll never have to consider.
Cymanca,
Yes I've largely made the adjustment and it really would be so much easier to embark upon a perpetual plan B. Actually I planned on letting her Email and text message me upon divorce, but regardless, I'm reasonably comfortable in my new life.
The pragmatic side of me, and I know this will sound callous, would also question a reconciliation. I exploited her guilt and desire to get half the equity from our house to get her to sign a separation agreement that favours me. I now pay a relatively small amount of child support, no spousal support, have my children at home
every weekend, she left my pension alone and she is holding 45K of debt for me interest free for 6 years so I can keep my cabin in the mountains. If we reconcile for 90 days or more, that agreement is void. It's a far sight better than a judge would have awarded me, and I doubt she would relinquish her children every weekend after having a taste of it especially if she no longer has flyboy pick her up in his airplane to go to his city on the weekends. I knew the agreement was going to be an issue if she wanted back in, I'd be gambling it.
I'm not sure if plan B has done anything for her that time wouldn't have accomplished anyways. It sure has been good for me though, I need a plan when in uncharted territory and this was perfect. I have scraped the vestiges of my dignity together in a little pile and guarded it jealously in plan B. Without MB I was the proverbial ship without a rudder.
still seeking you expatriate you,
Yes, I won't allow a meeting without the NC. Unbeknownst to her, I still have her password to her work Email account so checking on that will be routine if she's serious. Just e question on the logistics, do I insist on the no contact prior to any meeting and the letter of NC once (if) we meet?
Thankfully my employer pays for any MC or IC we may need.....oh boy, will we need it.
Zizzy....I know, I know....wacky.
MIL further expanded on WW's concern that I haven’t changed. OK....me thinks both of us would have to exhibit change. I was pretty clear to MIL that I need to see some concrete action prior to considering reconciliation.
She further went on to describe WW's description of OM being "short" with her and assuring WW that he is "teachable". Obviously the fantasy has begun to erode under the pressures of reality.
She also admitted to MIL that she is impulsive. Geeee....ya think!!
Pep,
So far nothing really going on. She may have emailed my buddy requesting to meet me, but I've not heard that. I'm in no rush though...can't really say I feel something that I would call happiness right now....hmmmmm.
If this works out, and I get her to post here.....please.....please.....what I said before.
(It's been almost 16 months and I don't tend a garden in an orange bath robe.)
TJ,
I watched your situation eagerly trying to put myself in your shoes and trying to anticipate my responses to this very situation. I still don't know what to do other than wait and see. I think less is more right now. I hope I can glean some insight from you.
Orchid,
I will not seem too anxious.....cuz I'm really not. I will watch......she is so prideful she will be reluctant to say she screwed up. I get the sense that she still feels this was my entire fault and the only change has to come from me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
Dalson,
A little premature…..we must be related.
So here I sit listening to some Lucinda Williams….I wish I smoked, now would be the perfect time. I still drink however, excuse me, I must visit the cabinet now.
