If your WS has had a history of "inappropriate behavior" in the workplace, how do you deal with things like this:

A "business dinner" in a hotel restaurant with two members of the opposite sex. They work in different states and are all staying in the same hotel *far* away from home. The story is that they have to get together at dinner tonight because they are meeting with clients tomorrow and had no time to arrange a conference call before now to discuss their strategy.

Unless willing to go to Plan D, the BS is powerless in a situation like this. Every objection is met with, "This is how the company does things." There is nothing I can do to change this.

Does anyone else have to deal with these situations? If so, how do you handle it?
Mulan

Mulan,

I agree that scenarios like this..are very much of the either change companies..or spouses variety.

I do not think that MOST couples would be able to successfully work around an environment such as that. Even if they wanted to.

That's why we are doing a 180 at GREAT financial loss to ourselves.

Noodle

<small>[ February 23, 2005, 08:20 PM: Message edited by: noodle ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Mulan:
<strong> If your WS has had a history of "inappropriate behavior" in the workplace, how do you deal with things like this:

A "business dinner" in a hotel restaurant with two members of the opposite sex. They work in different states and are all staying in the same hotel *far* away from home. The story is that they have to get together at dinner tonight because they are meeting with clients tomorrow and had no time to arrange a conference call before now to discuss their strategy.

Unless willing to go to Plan D, the BS is powerless in a situation like this. Every objection is met with, "This is how the company does things." There is nothing I can do to change this.

Does anyone else have to deal with these situations? If so, how do you handle it?
Mulan </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't speak from experience, but can propose a common-sense suggestion, if you have the freedom from children and work obligations yourself.

Whether or not the hotel is in your same town or out of town, you could go along with hubby. If it is an out of town and going to be there overnight situation, you could spend the night at the hotel with him. If it's over a longer period of time, you could do a little local touring/shopping.

And if it is just local, it would be easy enough for you to go along with hubby on the ride to and from and simply eat by yourself in the same restaurant. If it is a closed affair in a reserved room, you can eat with the rest of the general public.

The point is whether or not you sit in on the actual dinner/meeting, he could include you in these get togethers merely by traveling with you (when you are free to do so), or bringing you with him to whatever the accommodations are so that the two of you could be together inbetween or after the meeting/s are over.

If you have work and child obligations that limits your options, you could possibly rearrange schedules and swap out babysitting in order to free yourself up some of the time.

He could make some effort to include you in the "trip" whether or not the company allows you to be included in the "meeting". If he declines that, then he reveals himself even more.

Mulan,

I used to have to put up with this...but no more. The thing is....it can't be addressed while it's happening...it must be addressed prior to any dinners or meetings being set. My H and I POJAd his work environment. He simply does NOT conduct business this way anymore out of respect for me. Since he knows dinners like you describe are out of the question, he makes sure to prevent the necessity of them. Now if he's out of town and lies about it....and that could happen...I'm not naive enough to think that things are fail safe...but I do honestly believe he has done an excellent of job of erecting good work boundaries and it shows in our relationship.

Are you and H still together? I thought you weren't.

***My H and I POJAd his work environment.***

He refuses to do this. Just refuses. Some other things, yes, but not at work.

However, he did invite me to the boss's dinner last night. I did not feel safe going -- that is, I could not get the reassurance I was looking for from H -- so I did not go. To his credit, he did not go either, but he was sure not happy about it.

And he did at least tell me about this "meeting" they're having tonight. He was in the habit of just not mentioning things like this, or of not mentioning who was really there and what was really going on (lies of omission.) He called twice on his trip today and says he will call again tonight. That's more than I would usually get.

***Are you and H still together? I thought you weren't.

More or less. But I am working full-time now and Son has only 1-1/2 years of high school to go. After that, Son will not need his mom at home anymore.
Mulan