Well, this past Saturday was Wh 39th bday. Me and the boys were going to make him dinner at my house and we were making him a picture (A picture of him and the boys together in the middle and various pictures of them together throughout the years) well anyway...
Last minute he decides hes not coming over. Hes going to take the boys out to eat. Oldest son refused to go. They come back for my oldest son about 2 1/2 hrs later, Wh complaining of how tired he is....oldest son calls about 15 mins later wanting me to come get him and I told him he had to work whatever it was out with his dad...
Next morning older 2 boys show up at my house by 9am!! Wh lives 8 houses up the block. They are still upset. Telling me that the previous evening, Wh took middle and youngest son to Ow house!! He took them in HER house! Her and her 16 yr daughter baked him a birthday cake! My middle son was upset with how "sickly nice" he was to 16yr...and that Ow was trying to be nice to him!! Then, he told them 2 "not to tell mom or Oldest son" where they were! So, after he had picked oldest son up, when they got home he tried to tell him that he "bought" his birthday cake. Then when son refused, he told him a "friend from work" made it....So I did go over to Wh house - by myself - and he was in the shower. So, as I walked through my old kitchen I grabbed the cake...when he "popped" his head out the door, I asked him if he minded that I had a piece of cake? I then threw it at his bedroom room, no I didn't hit him with it...so now he is blaming me for Ow "breaking up" with him!! Excuse me? I missed something here...she was not there...this I know because when he came out of the bathroom naked no one else was in there!! I have been extremely business like with him these past couple of days...no LBers, no sarcasm. I've never been completely in Plan b, but should I plan A? Ok...so they always say that Ws is eating cake....now I'm a FIRM believer that they do!!
Sorry so long, but thanks in advance for any ideas.

I can't get the imagine of that flying cake out of my mind....*giggle* I'm afraid I couldn't have resisted that either! What imagery!! (I have to admit to being a little disappointed it didn't HIT him LOL) Okay...on to your question. Yes...it is high time for Plan B....ASSUMING you've done a good plan A. Why not explore what that would look like. Get your letter and intermediary together. Set some boundaries about visitation issues and expecting his children to protect his ugly secrets. Good Luck chere.

(((((((((((((((((alirose)))))))))))))))))

<small>[ February 23, 2005, 09:25 PM: Message edited by: star*fish ]</small>

What part of the OW baked him a cake, he takes over 2 younger children to OW's house, eats cake of OW, then brings some of it back to his place and attempts to pass it off as a cake from a friend after telling the 2 younger children to LIE? Then he steps in the shower and pieces of that cake go flying by..... and YOU are responsible for the OW breaking up with him?

This OW breaks up with the WS by baking him a cake? What kind of fog babble is that? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I am sorry your children got pulled into this mess. WS certainly does not deserve any sort of celebration regardless of what day it is. See those aliens have no respect for anything.

So now you know. Ws is a stinkin' alien, capable of great emotional harm. Which BTW is not considered a crime in this great land of ours. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

How are the children? Traumatized? Hug them and reassure them that you are not going to go insane and pull this kind of stunt or anything close to it. Instead use this horrible experience to pull together. Band together as a family and make a stand against the alien invaders.

take care,
L.

OMG!
Plan B, and document his coercing children to lie for him. IMO, that's emotional child abuse.
Hang in there!
PM

{{{{Allirose}}}}
Im sorry, but the flying cake has me cracking up <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . (Ok with effort I have stopped laughing, wish it would have hit him too) Im sorry, but how is it your fault that ow broke up with him? Did he tell her " sorry, but my wife threw the cake at me?" ( now im laughing again) I hope you feel better soon.

alirose...

get empowered and get logical...

the real issue is exposing both your children and the poor daughter of the OW to these children as if you just add birthday cake ...and poof...instant happy new family.....

the real issue is getting is placing the children in uncomfortable situations...and then denying the opportunity to discuss and process their feelings the good the bad and the ugly by telling them to lie to others that it even occurred...

dangerous slippy slope....

the issue is that you will not have the grownups teaching the children to lie...
over things like cake...

you need to address these issues......
pragmatically and logically with him....

and set clear boundaries on to whom either of you are allowed to expose the children to...

my suggestion
have your discussion
ramp up plan A for two or three weeks if he really has broken up...but remember he does lie <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

then plan B

ark

Well, I have sat down with my older two boys, the Sunday that this happened and explained to them the best that I could, letting them ask the questions and going from there...
My attorney is aware of the sitation, and I am very vocal about NC with OW and children...nobody can make her stop calling his house when the boys are there except him...which he is not willing to do...in face she called while the boys were there last night...again...so now my 14yr is refusing again to see his dad...telling him "it's her or me"....ok...how do I help him? Thats whats breaking my heart right now! I think right now if Wh wanted to work on the M right now...no way! I have lost respect for him. I'm sure sooner or later this will change...by the way, divorce hearing set for May 23!! Hmmm...I would love some encouragement!