I need a little help or advice. I need to know that I am doing the right thing. This is my second posting. It’s tough for me to understand that I am doing the right thing. My patience isn’t the greatest.

For a quick recap, I found out about the affair from the WW on 14 Jan. The OM is a coworker of hers who happens to be married with 3 children of his own. The A continued for about another 3 weeks or at least the physical part. The emotional part is still going on. They call each other nightly. The WW has moved into her own apartment. The OM lives in his own apartment also. The OW is at her home with her 3 kids. We have one son also. I keep in contact with the OW just to keep up to date on what is going on. Neither the WW nor the OM can figure out what they want to do. They seem to go back and forth.

I’ve read “Surviving an Affair” and Plan A/B. Unfortunately, we do not have anyone as a go between. I do have to talk to her on a daily basis because of our son. I’m keeping it to a minimal and doing things I need to do to improve my life like counseling, Bally’s membership, etc. I also think I can get that new 2005 mustang convertible that I want in about 2 months. Up to this point she was the one that always drove the new car. Now it’s my turn.

Right now it seems that my WW would go off with him if he chose to do so. However, it seems that he can’t figure out what he wants. Cake and eating it to. The WW did tell her dad that she had considered coming back to me however she isn’t sure either. She moved out last Saturday. I tried Plan A and there was no luck there except that the physical part of the affair ended. But that was about it.

I guess the questions I have are as follows:

Do I need to keep my interaction with WW to a minimal? Should I just go “Dark” on her?

How should I act around her when she is around?

I’ve been offered a job in the Middle East that could net me $150000 for one year. Should I take it and leave her for that year?

What other advice can you give me to get through this part?

Bobby, welcome to MB. I think it is way too soon for plan B. Did you expose the A to everyone necessary? Is OW, OM's W? Tell us a little more about your plan A. I would not take a job out of the country unless your W and children were goin with you, otherwise you are just handing your family to OM. Sorry for your situation. God bless.

Bobby, I see you previously have gotten some excellent advice on plan A. I do think you need to do a stellar plan A before a plan B. Go back and re-read what WAT and SD wrote to you on your other thread.

Tell us more about your Plan A.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I tried Plan A and there was no luck there except that the physical part of the affair ended.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am of the frame of mind that things you learn in Plan A are not forgotten, and you continue them into your M (or other R's). Did you determine what her top 3 EN's were? Were you able to fulfill them consistently? And did you cut out ALL LB's?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I do have to talk to her on a daily basis because of our son. I’m keeping it to a minimal </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is NOT Plan A? Withholding yourslef or love is NOT part of Plan A. You are trying to move to Plan B while still in Plan A...it should be a shock when it happens.

A Plan B serves as a shock if you have done a STELLAR Plan A, and then switch to Plan B. Have you done enough in Plan A? How long have you been in it?

Everyone has been exposed to the affair. All family members on both sides and friends included.

I would love to try Plan A but she is not willing to try right now. She is not willing to break it off with OM right now. I think I need to be patient and wait a little. I've seen some signs here and there that she was thinking about it a little but she is not there yet. Whenever I try an approach her she leaves.

I guess I will reread Plan A again to make sure I'm going about it in the right way.

What changes are YOU making?

What have you found were the problems in your M (before OM)? And what have you done to correct those problems YOU had?

I have recognized the issues she has with me. Holding a grudge after a fight for a couple of days, not showing affection at the wrong time, and having an ego that's bigger than my head. I'm working on these with a counselor and doing homework to make sure I correct these issues.