It's been almost 2 years and I still find myself so full of doubt. When she works late or has a business dinner meeting or works on a weekend, I get very suspicious.

I found myself checking her text messages about 9 months ago and found two messages from a male co-worker whom she had spoken ocassionally about. He is not the person from 2 years ago. The two messages were about 2 weeks apart. One was a "Call me" message. The other message was when my wife was ill and read, "You need some TLC?" with a reply of "No one to give it".

This was a surprise because I had not thought of it being a new person. I was more concerned with the previous man whom had been a family friend for several years. We have since broken off our friendship with that family which was never explained to our children.

When I confronted my wife, she insisted that it was nothing and explained away the messages as idle chat. She said that he needed her assistance with a problem at work and had gone by to look for her when he was told that she was home ill. He sent the message and there was nothing else to it. I felt that the text was inappropriate for co-workers.

This incident raised my suspicions and has not let me go yet. I have found myself checking our cell phone statement looking for his numbers which I have on ocassion found but not even once per month. I have also gone back to check her text messages on her cell phone but have found none since. These messages can be erased however.

Since that time, I feel that our relationship has grown stronger and I have not checked either in over a month. This does not mean that I have not been tempted to check them. Things are not glorious and wonderful but she seems to be making more effort.

Can someone help me understand what I should do? Should I take the Raegan strategy of "Trust but Verify" or should I continue trying not to "Spy".

I love my wife and feel that she loves me. We have been married for 17 years and together for over 21 years. We have 3 children, 8, 13 and 15. I want things to continue to grow but often get worried about the possibility that I may be blinded by my desire to keep our relationship and family together. The young woman that I fell in love with and shared my life with for almost 15 years was a intelligent, sincere and trustworthy individual. I want to recapture the trust but seem to be unsure.

How can we rebuild the trust? I feel that by requiring too much from her she will again feel smothered and turn away again. Am I just being paranoid?

Any input will be most helpful.

^^^Bump^^^

New poster - please advice