Welcome to Plan B.

(((((((Dani))))))))

Dani, you need to see a lawyer and get something in writing NOW to prevent him from doing this. Contact a lawyer in the area where you're "home" is. I'd also see a lawyer in your current area. It may be to your advantage to file where you are. some states do more for the family than others. If you have a legal document, the government can take the money and he has no say. The military makes servicemen/women honor their financial obligations.
You didn't mention what base you are assigned to. If he has a JAG lawyer, you can still see one in another office, they usually have 2 offices with several attorneys. They cannot file for you but they can make recommendations.
don't let him get away with this.

Texasgirl

What about the judge who was so helpful? Could he help? Did you have an atty then?

I did not have an attorney when I went to court.
I am hoping that I am able to get the money when he gets paid next. I just got an e-mail from the command ombudsman who informed me that the CMC is 'working on it' as we speak.
I hope to be home within a month.
My WH only has less then 2 months active duty, so it is pointless to get anything started here.
His will come....

Tonight I took the kids out for a drive and our wedding song came on. This song was also played when our daughter was born...
I just listened to it, with a tear in my eye.
Then we saw snow, and my son started talking about how he loves snow, and to go hunting and I just made myself change my thought pattern. It is hard to imagine how he has changed so much.

Danielle
Danielle

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Tonight I took the kids out for a drive and our wedding song came on. This song was also played when our daughter was born...
I just listened to it, with a tear in my eye.
Then we saw snow, and my son started talking about how he loves snow, and to go hunting and I just made myself change my thought pattern. It is hard to imagine how he has changed so much.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WTG Dani. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> This is a terrific example of how a person can catch themself up, and refocus the thought process onto something more positive.

Maybe over the course of time, that particular song will come to represent your DS's love of the snow. Who knows, anything is possible when YOU are in charge.

AttaGirl! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Stay darker than ever.

You can do this. It wasn't so long ago that I was dealing with the same sort of crud your WH is heaving at you.

The accusation that *I* was demanding to have it my way... (NO I don't want to be your friend as long as OW is in your life!)

Oh and the remark he made about you needing to respect him and just do what he says made me LOL
My WH tried that lunacy too. I LITERALLY laughed into the phone at him!

But sooner or later you have to get it that you just have to stop talking to the alien. Wish I had done so about 3 years sooner...

Stay dark, darker, darkest.

You WILL feel better & stronger if you stop talking to him. He is being very emotionally abusive. His threats of non-support and remark that you need to do as your told are examples of an abusive attitude. STAY AWAY FROM HIM and don't even talk to him.

Sometimes I hum to myself an old song:
"Got along without you before I met you - gonna get along without you now"

just want you to know my heart goes out to you and your kids... wish you all the best with your move. You are a stronger person then I think your H ever knew. You go Girl!! I'm from central maine... near Lewiston/Auburn... maybe our paths will cross someday.. take care and best of luck.

-Jamie-

Thank you. I am slowly learning that I am stronger then I thought I was. I have many urges to pick up the phone and call WH, just to hear his voice. I am in fact going through withdrawal from my husband. Hard, but necessary and possible. I am sure it will get easier with time, I can only hope. He treats me so bad right now, and I have to remind myself that I am being irresponsible and irrational to WANT to call him when he disrespects me in such a way.
The only way, is darker then black.

My children, the move, and my life demands too much of my attention for me to have any attention left for WH.

I contacted his command about the money and his moving orders. I hope to hear something soon.
I plan on moving by the end of April.

My family lives in Lewiston, my husbands family lives in Wiscasset. I am looking to move somewhere in between Lewiston and Portland, (which is where I will be going to school).
I am looking at mainetoday.com as we speak, for house rentals.

Thank you for thinking of me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Danielle

Dani,

When you call the command, ask about the situation with getting the move done. I know he said he needs to have leave papers or something first, but that didn't sit right with me. I'm paranoid that he might be trying to get the move used for moving his and OW's stuff to Indiana.

Dobie

I've been researching and can't find anything that says you need terminal leave approved before getting separation orders. In fact, you can get separation orders as early as six months prior. I just have the fear that he's going to use it to move OW's stuff to IN and leave you stranded in VA with no money, no lawyer, no medical insurance, and no child support agreement. He'll have money bankrolled in OW's account, so he wouldn't even have to get a job for a bit.

Maybe I'm being too paranoid on your behalf, but I'm very concerned with where this is going and wish you'd at least get a local lawyer to draw up a separation agreement that includes child support.

Dobie

I agree Dobie - I bet he's saying he needs approval to go on leave before the moving expenses are approved because HE plans to have the moving expenses pay for HIS move with OW.

He doesn't need leave in order for the BW to move, because he isn't invited along for THAT move, is he?

He is NOT invited on that move.

I am hoping to hear back from the CMC soon. I let him know that I needed the orders to move, and WH was not being helpful. I told him flat out how it was. The kids and I need to go home, for our safety and for my childrens stability, etc.
I told him that WH said he needed his leave approved first, and that was over a week ago.

Hopefully he will get back in touch with me soon....

Danielle

Are you in touch with any women's shelters, support groups, etc.? They might be able to recommend attorneys.

In Maine there is a service called Pine Tree Legal Assistance. They will help me as soon as I get home..

I saw a license plate today while taking the kids out that said 'B Kahona' I started laughing out loud. My WH THINKS he is the Big Kahona. I just couldn't stop laughing. We were walking to the car and I just said 'You think so, you think your the Big Kahona. Funny...' out loud.
I got a kick out of it.

My aunt called me today. She went to look at a house for rent in Maine, and she wanted to let me know that it had already been rented (darn!).
She said something like 'Aren't you glad to be getting away from that _____'?
My family makes this remarks, like I am somehow pleased to be in this situation. I know they are just angry with him for hurting the kids and I......
I told her that I was extremely sad to be in this situation but glad to be moving and hope to be able to get on my own two feet and make the best of it. She said 'Sad?, girl you have some issues if your not over him'
*sigh* I guess I am stubborn.

I know this is probably TMI, but when I think of my husband sexually I still think 'good' thoughts about him. I am somehow able to remember him as the man I love, in all ways. That is what is hard. If I could just stop loving him, or be GLAD to be alone from him, it would be easier.

Danielle

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by DanigirlinVA:
He treats me so bad right now, and I have to remind myself that I am being irresponsible and irrational to WANT to call him when he disrespects me in such a way.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good!!
Regardless what'll happen with your M, never stop reminding yourself of this! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Also, keep in mind (forever, too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) - the more you love and respect YOURSELF, the more chances you have for your man to do the same (and YOUR man will, otherwise he won't be yours, right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by DanigirlinVA:
when I think of my husband sexually I still think 'good' thoughts about him. I am somehow able to remember him as the man I love, in all ways. That is what is hard. If I could just stop loving him, or be GLAD to be alone from him, it would be easier.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It stopped hurting me so much when I ACCEPTED I still loved him.
As I love many things I'll never have, nor I necessarily would be happy with if I had!!
And I want to keep LOVE in my heart, even for him (well, he's father of my son - one more reason <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )... keep love itself... it makes my soul noble and rich... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You cannot, for your love is more sexual than 'spiritual', 'symbolical'... but if he keeps being bad for you and you keepm loving and respecting yourself... you'll be just fine loving him (or not) either way...
you'll see! Just don't stop reminding yourself of what YOU need and want in YOUR life.

My children deserve a Mother, whose first priority is THEM. They deserve my undivided attention. They deserve the world. They deserve two parents that love them unconditionally. I can give them one parent, the one I have control over. They deserve stability.

I deserve peace. I am smart, funny, loving, and I deserve a good life. I deserve to be with someone who can love me, and let me love them. I deserve to be able to sleep at night, and be awake during the day.

Yes, Yes, Yes!!! That's the right attitude!! Right now you need to think only of your own and your children's safety and security. He needs to be totally out of the loop as he has not shown any reason to be included in your future plans other than to be discarded as quickly as possible while holding him to his financial and moral responsibilities. Keep strong girl. And find a good lawyer!

<small>[ March 02, 2005, 09:00 PM: Message edited by: fingers33 ]</small>

Bravo! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Dani, you might print this and put in a visible place, to repeat... as a mantra. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thank you everyone. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I got an e-mail from the command ombudsman last night, advising me to call the CMC early this morning. I called the CMC and he said that he would call me back Monday. He said he was aware of the issues and he was working to get my WH and his Chief to 'do their job' and take care of it.
We will see...

Danielle