2 weeks ago, my H, who is going through withdrawal comes home and is upset and tells me that the ow just bought a home 1 mile from us..!! I couldnt believe it.. My H was upset and so am I.. We have talked about moving, but have only been in our newly built dream home for a year.. and it is in the area we want to live.. I have already started looking at lots so we can rebuild some place new, but we stand to lose financially a bit.. (Interest rates are higher, cost of new home higher, lots higher).. I am caught.. I know Harley would say to move.. get away from her.. And my gut says we have to.. Wondering what anyone else thinks?? I cant believe that this is happening to us.. I feel so invaded and awful about it,, dont know what to do..

Gosh - that is a tough one! I strongly suggest that you move. How can you possibly live a recovered life soooo close to her. I would be thinking about it every day and it would drive me insane. Regardless of if the affair is over - how can you ever feel comfortable with her that close. I know it really stinks - but you need to get out of there. Just my opinion! Good luck!!! <BR>

Mickey65,<BR>I have a simular issue. My h got a job transfer to another state. We bought a brand new house that I just loved and could not wait to move into. He had been living in our dream home until I finally moved 2 month later.Well, he had the Bimbo in my new house, my jacuzzi tub, my bedroom etc. I hate this house, it is a constant reminder of what went on.I wanted nothing more than move. You are so right about finacial issues ie interest rates etc. it makes it difficult to pick up again. Our kids absolutely love it here and don't understand why mom is so unhappy. My H<BR>says it's just a house and he doesn't think of her here ... ever. To me, I feel uncomfortable in my own home. Yes, it makes recovery much much harder. Am I making to much of this? How can I get past this? <BR>I know how difficult this must be for you.<BR>Let me know what your plans are.

Mickey 65,<BR>I can't believe you're in Grand Rapids.<BR>I live near Ann Arbor. Lets do lunch.

If the daily reminders of her, are too great in the spring, I'd say list the house and move.<P>I understand completely what you are saying. There was a gal across the street from us that my husband thought was soooo cute. Another gal who works about 7 lots down from us is someone he took home from the bar.... And known as the town whore. (Of course, they only talked for one hour, from 2 to 3 am, right?)<P>I have lived with this for 3 years now, and can't wait until we are done with this remodal and can sell out and move 15 miles north of here. It is what gives me the patience while I live here. I know I don't have to live near these constant reminders forever.<P>I'd say, sit on it for a little bit. And see how things are in the spring. I would welcome a mile distance between me and these predators.<P>TNT

I would certainly advise you to move. My H's OW lives less than a mile from us and it is awful. Just think, you could bump into her in the grocery store (or H could), you see her every other time you drive down the street - not good! If my H ever comes home, we will certainly be moving.

mickey,<P>Hey, how was your vacation? I haven't seen you post for awhile. I was wondering if your hubby is still gonna frequent this site. Did he see my post before you guys went on your trip?<P>Anyway, about the OW house thing... How often do you think you'll run into her with her being a mile away? I ask because my parents are maybe 2 or 3 miles away from where we live and I only see them when I purposefully want to. Do you think she'll drive by your house all the time? Will she always pop up, do you think? I would wait to see what happens. See how much you guys actually run into her. If it is a problem, then definitely start looking around for a new home. I know for me I would not want to move unless I absolutely had to! The really important thing is no contact. So if your hubby can do that, then there might be no need to move. Anyway, that's what I would do. Moving and buying a new house is just such a huge expense and is also pretty damn stressful in it's own right!<P>--andy<P>

Thanks to all who responded:<BR>SuzyQ: Yeah, we only live 2 hrs. away... small world huh??<P>Airheart: I printed your response to H's post and gave them to him on vacation...Thank you for responding, that was an excellent post.. My H is a little reluctant to post here because he knows I can read what he writes, which is too bad, because I think it would be very beneficial for him.. Andy, his email address is nags37@cs.com, if you wouldnt mind writing him there.. He could then feel more free to express himself etc...<P>I liked and agreed with all of your points on your post... <P>As far as our move goes, we havent talked about it a whole lot, although my H knows I have been out looking at lots.. Dont really know what we will decide, maybe just put a sign in the yard and see what the heck we can get for our house.. There are a couple of other reasons we wouldnt mind the move, but really didnt want to do it for a few years yet.. we havent even gotten settled in!! But am prepared to whatever it takes to have a successful recovery.. I told H while I was on vacation just how twisted I thought it was of her to do this...It seems to be a game to her...,,, and I only wish she would know the pain and devastation this has caused me, my family, H and his family,, but from what I have seen,,, she wouldnt care even if she knew... <P>I think my H would really appreciate the opportunity to have you as a support person.. He got on marriagebuilders last night and was looking for anything you had posted.. I told him that you dont post a lot of new topics, but do respond to a lot of other peoples... I also think eventually, H will be able to help a lot of people on this site with his input from his experience.. We had an excellent vacation and are doing real good right now.... Thanks again for everything...

mickey,<P>I'm really glad that things are going so well for you two!! I'll definitely email your husband. (hey, sometimes I need a support person too... )<P>--andy