first off, thanks to those who postd to my "heavens..." post, i'm sure i was being paranoid.<BR>i haven't been on much, because it is hard to type over the pregnant belly! she's due 10-8, but earlier is fine with me <BR>H has been home for 3 weeks, but not in my bedroom (seems to be allergic to it). He leaves for work at 530am, gets home at 7 (maybe), and has been "sick" every weekend. I'd invite him out for some sort of recreation, but i'm not up to it, and he always rejected me in the past.<BR>He seems to be almost through withdrawal (though he went out to get icecream last night and it took over an hour, and he had some story about the phones locked in his car and him locked out, and couldn't find the baskin-robbins), and he seemed really peeved when he got home, so i wonder if he called OW?.<BR>The thing is, I'M withdrawing from him completely. I don't call him at work, i don't tell him i love him, i don't kiss him, i don't yell at him for anything (normally he would have got a tongue lashing for being gone so long, but i just went to bed). He came to my room about 4 times last night to apologize for being a jerk, which i had not even noticed, and asked me about "the 5 love languages", which i had been reading, and should he read it? He had given me, "is it love or addiction" which i will not read (why would I?), and i asked him about it, and he said, "oh you don't need that, I do!" (true).<BR>I just feel i have nothing left for him right now. I'm waiting for him to drop another bomb...I don't know how NOW, but i was also pretty clueless at second discovery in may. He's just not what i want. I can't touch him sexually, b/c i know SHE has. I'm mad that he keeps accusing me of having an affair with his "friend". I'm mad he never gets home in time to see the 2yo awake.<BR>He keeps being quite nice to me, and seems to accept the baby now, but a big part of me just wants OUT. I don't want to share anything with him...I'm just neutral, waiting for the right moment to escape. <BR>I have kept my mouth shut, for sure, b/c i know this might pass, and i'm not in a position to do anything else. Maybe it is hormones?<BR>I just can't see why i should have to spend time with someone who could hurt me so bad, all the while claiming i'm the love of his life (except for the one time on the phone with both of us where he told her he loved her, and i was chopped liver).<BR>Oh well, just had to get that all out. If anyone else has been through it, will you tell me it gets better? please? <P>------------------<BR>for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part.<P><BR>

I keep saying we've done a 150 (not a one eighty ), but I think we've regressed some.<P>I think when we have put that pain up on the shelf, it does numb us a bit, doesn't it? Maybe that is okay? Maybe you know that you can't express yourself yet - instinctively you know you have to revise how you deal with the pain, and haven't figure it out yet. It's just not as secure as you would like to see it be?<P>I just know that your marriage seems to have so much hope. My husband wouldn't even pick up a book. You seem to have a much more interested husband than mine. <P>Sometimes we don't feel loving, but have to commit to doing those things anyways - and the feelings of love will follow. It is the commitment that keeps us going, not the feeling.<P>So, it is a SHE? Just wondering, do you need baby clothes?<P>Take care.<BR>Connie

Hi,<BR>Haven't been pregnant in 24 years, wasn't going through a bad period then, so, I really don't know, but, I must say, your attitude about your H right now maybe good for the sake of your baby. It's your way of not having stress, that is so important right now, I kinda guess that when the baby is born, you may have a new marriage too. Think? What a neat thing to share and new memories to start making. Start getting excited about all this, don't worry, just think that it is a good bet that things may turn around. If it's ment to be, it will happen. I am excited for you!!!!!!!!! Keep good thoughts!<BR>Almost <P>--------<BR>TIME

You are right, tnt, feelings follow actions. also, i don't want to scream at him anymore, yet have never been really able to tell him my deepest feelings and fears WITHOUT screaming, so maybe im just not sure how to relate at all. If i go awhile without the LBs, things will change, i'm sure. He'll trust me again, and things will be safe for both of us.<P>Oh boy, do i have baby clothes! I'm in 3 playgroups, and have had 3 showers, and garage sales, and gender neutral hand me downs from big brother, and a super cheap consignment store up the street. Now im getting the nesting urge to wash them all about 10 times in dreft! (but my feet hurt too much to stand in front of the dryer folding them fast enough so they don't get wrinkles---i'm talking MAJOR nesting here--onseies with wrinkles ARE a problem ).<BR>Thanks for responding so fast, i needed the upper. maybe i'll go see H for lunch...<P>------------------<BR>for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part.<P><BR>

thanks, almost happy. you are right. I had to start seeing the same DR i had 2 years ago, and H is pleased with that, and the weather is the same as that time, when we were oh so happy, and memories are trickling in of pre- OW times. I think it WILL be a whole new family....<BR>fingers crossed