My husband and I made a terrible mistake about a year ago that is killing our marriage now. We both switched partners and had sex with friends of ours at the time. It was mutually agreed upon, but alcohol induced. My husband had not been drinking and I had and that is killing him now. He feels responsible for the whole thing. At first, I was the one having the problem with it and he made me face it and deal with it. All the while, I thought he was dealing with it to. Boy was I wrong. About 2 months ago, he wasn't acting quite right and I asked him what was wrong. He told me that night that he loved me, but he wasn't in love with me. Talking about crushed. He says that he blames himself completely for what happened and that he doesn't feel like a man, husband or a father for letting something happen that he knew better than to happen. I have told him repeatedly that I love him, that I think that he is a wonderful person and husband and that I didn't blame him for what happened. I told him that I forgave him and he says that he has fogiven me, but I just do not know what to do. He says he was just fooling himself when he thought that he was over everything that happened. I love him more than life itself and it is killing me that he feels the way that he does. What do I do?

1 miserable - <P>Why is your H assuming all the blame here? I read that this decision was MUTUALLY agreed upon before it happened. Is it that because he was sober that he feels that he should shoulder more of the blame? You BOTH share responsibility equally for what happened. Did one of you NOT want it to happen at the time and were just agreeing because of pressure from your spouse?